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This morning SGA called me up complaining about money. I guess she forgot about what she textd me last night about not talking to me, except for S5. I plan on meeting all my financial obligations to the best of my abilities. clarkkent, what financial obligations? I would suggest cutting her off completely.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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@ml - Debts from our previous place. Cell phone and storage also.
I did not plan for these very practical things. Need to get right on this.
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Went to an air show with my dad and S10. Was very hot but the planes were very good. Went to my brothers baseball game they won. Talked to OM WIFE this evening. She updated me that she spoke to him about what was going on. He said that there is no way that he has any feelings for her. And that when he returns from work in a few weeks that he will straighten it out. I told her He probably should do it via text message or a letter, and that because neither of us knows really what is going on that he might be blowing smoke rings. She was upset that he was telling SGA personal things about her and her marriage. SGA this evening txt me: How's that relationship you were protecting going I replied back that I would be able to talk later if you want. Love you. Before you go on a journey you have to take the first step. I see that this is for the better. Now I can solely focus on me and the kids now, instead expending so much time and energy on trying to get us to be a couple again. Tomorrow I plan on finishing a project that I'm working on. This is the bad part. I work on writing web applications so my browser is open all the time. I will really have to limit myself to very minimal time spent here.
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Revenge
From my understanding of SGA from her past, is that when she is hurt by someone that she is in a relationship, and when that someone does something that she perceives is to hurt her she will try revenge. Her choice of weapon is sex. She also makes no bones about her exacting this revenge. She will let the person know.
I�m ready for this. I believe it is coming. This is her taker.
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When we started dating I was aware that she had opposite-sex friends. I didn�t care we were dating. After we went to exclusivity in our relationship there was never any conversation about these guys. To the best of my knowledge she dropped them all like a hot potato. The way I knew it was that we both had each others email passwords and access to each others phones. Several months before we separated see started mentioning this co-worker. He was one of her opposite-sex friends from when we were dating. I went to snooping all seemed fine. After we were separated she was a perceived as an OW by this opposite-sex GF. She told me that because they were friends and talked a lot at lunch and breaks that is why the GF was upset that something was going on. I was in total denial. Tried to be nonchalant but was terrified. A week ago today she related to me that she asked this guy to get her concert tickets, �She would do anything for them.� I asked well what about when it comes to pay up. She said that she would deal with it. So I said then you will be using him. She said yes, �I really want to go to this concert.� Why didn�t I ever admit to my self that we were no longer a couple in a committed relationship? Oh because I wanted to believe the gobbledygook she was telling me: - She loved me.
- She wanted to work on our relationship.
Lies, damn dirty stinking filthy lies.
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Got off the phone with SGA.
She is very hurt by the things I've said about her here.
She says she cannot be in a relationship ever with a man. She can longer trust men not to hurt her. She compared me with her XH (abusing SOB).
I didn't choose these relationship with the OM. It was hurting. I asked her to stop. She didn't want to. So I exposed. I told her how I viewed this relationship with the OM. She didn't care. It was more important for her to have this relationship than to stop hurting me.
She says that I'm vindictive and mean. Whom am I to play God and interfere in a marriage by exposing. How could I say hurtful things about her. How is it I couldn't trust her and go and look at her e-mails and texts.
I must be a [censored]?
Help?
Last edited by clark_kent; 09/26/10 08:10 PM.
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clark kent, she sounds pretty foggy! I wouldn't pay much attention to her fogbabble.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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@every one -
Thank you for everything so far.
I no longer feel safe posting as clark_kent.
and using this post.
I am not a control freak.
Even if I'm all those things she said were true. Then she is better off without me in her life. So why is she trying to continue to hurt me? Keep me in crazy time?
Dammit I've been here before. I know what to do.
I'm going dark, but not gone.
Thanks
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Ok - I don't care... Last night she sent me a text: The way our relationship ended proves to me that I am meant to be alone How do you reply to something like this?
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It was an attempt to place the blame on you, to draw you back in. Would it be honest to say that it doesn't matter to you who she blames her actions on? How about no response, or something that doesn't feed her wish to fight with you just so she can feel like you're still invested?
My favorite response to get out of those battles is, "You may be right." How do you fight with that?
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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How about the Spock response ... "Fascinating."
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@Happ2CU -
LOL!
-Interesting?
-I'll have to get back to you on that.
-Is anyone really alone in this technological age?
-Will you be cold, without food and shelter?
-Hmmm...
-OUCH! Dammit I just burned the pizza.
-If its meant to be its meant to be.
-Can't argue with facts.
-Really?
-You don't say
-It just might be in the stars
-Well you got yourself
-I heard this story about this person that was all alone forever...
-That reminds me, I've got to do the laundry
Thanks!
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@NewEveryDay -
That's exactly it. She still doesn't want to accept that she did anything wrong.
I'm also thinking that she might have been trying the pity party. Woe is me.
Last edited by clark_kent; 09/29/10 12:00 AM.
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@ML - Today we were discussing some things on the phone: 1> Why I didn't I return a call until 2 hours later. Was in a meeting and trying to meet a Friday deadline. Wouldn't giver her details about my meeting. Upset her. Trying to create a better deal for the next project. More lucrative, but is still fair to customer. 2> Was going to the bank at the time didn't want her to know what was going on with me financially. So in mid-conversation I said, "Gotta go. I'll talk to you later." She sent me text: So why is it you're all up in my personal life but yours is a big secret now Who's the one hiding [censored] You send me a text and say wrong person and won't tell me who you were supposed to be texting but I can't have any friends My Reply: How to answer this? I need to make sure I pick up S5. I will talk later. I need to add a little back story to wrong person. About two weeks as I was going into the office I meant to text my boss to let him know I would be in after ten. It accidentally got sent to her. She texted back with "What?" I replied "Sorry wrong person". This past Sunday I was doing my afternoon walk. She started texting me about picking up my clothes and returning her house key. We ended up discussing some things. You know about cake-eating and boundaries. Oh yeah some things like how I was so awful for ruining our relationship. It was hot and for each text I found a little bit of shade to read and write a message. Finally got tired of start, find shade, stop, read/write text, and then restart. So saying to myself, "F' this.", I finished my walk. I sent her a text about how hot it was and that soon I would be running it. Her reply, "Answer the question". I had forgot what the question was so, looking back, realization that my recent text had nothing to do with her question. I thought to my self, "You don't want to look like a doofus, you better deflect." My text, "Sorry wrong person." Her reply, "What" Viola` instant other person.
Last edited by clark_kent; 09/29/10 11:44 PM.
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So half an hour before picking up S5 from school today, called XGF to continue conversation. We ended up rehashing the same old song and dance (her A). She repeatedly told me that since we've been together that she has never had sex with anyone except me. Towards the end of the conversation she sounded extremely exhausted. She said to me that she is really tired. I think it might be time for a 180 killer Plan A. I believe now she understands what my position is on her having this relationship with OM (she may not agree with it). Time to let it go for now till we are at the point of rebuilding our relationship. Did find out some interesting things. A teeny glimmer of hope. She all on her own decided to not be friends with the OM because of the things he told his wife about XGF. I must admit that I gleefully told XGF every descriptive term that OM Wife said about her. What a clear piece of work OM is. Something gives me hope that OM wife is with the program to do everything to keep them apart. The OM cannot afford to let XGF move out right now because I think he might be behind on his mortgage. So he needs her there to help pay the mortgage on the property. He should have thought of that when he started trying to mix business with pleasure. I was sure to mention these things to OM wife when discussing A. What is that phrase? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.Something that is disturbing is that OM wife is willing to throw me under the bus to get closer to XGF. OM wife said that some of the things I told XGF about OM were not true OM wife text to me from Saturday Hey i told [OM] about everything and just so u know there has never been anything going on between him and [XGF]. He is pissed that she is always talking about him to you. Do me one favor, please dont tell anyone including [XGF] about [OM] having herpes cuz if he knew that i told u, he would kill me. So please just keep that to yourself. Than you and take care
[OM wife] OM wife e-mail to XGF on Sunday Date: Sun, 26 Sep 2010 19:49:39 -0700
Message-ID: <erased to remove identity>
Subject: Hello:)
From: [OM Wife]
To: [XGF]
Dear [XGF],
I am writing to you because I know that I will not be able tocall you this evening because of [OM child] and having homework and laundry to do before I go to bed. I just want to begin by saying how sorry I am for all that has transpired the last few weeks. [XBF] contacted me on facebook asking me to be his friend and I blindly accepted his invitation thinking that it was completely innocent, and also because I wrongly assumed that you would have been one of his "friends" on his profile. I was thinking to myself how nice it would be to stay in touch with you both. But then I discovered that you were not on his list of friends and then I received a very disturbing message from him saying that he had some information for me that concerned my marriage to [OM] and that you were also involved. He directed me to a
link to a blog that he has been recently participating in on a website that was about rebuilding marriages. I read the blog that he had written and some of the other blogs that had been left in response to his and I was utterly shocked to say the least. I could not believe what he had posted on there about [OM] and you having an affair together and that you had been saying very mean things about me to [XBF], ect. I am sure that you have read his blog so I won't go into the details unless you need me to. But basically [XBF] called me and we spoke for about an hour and he was insisting that you and [OM] were having an affair, sexual and emotional, and that the only reason that [OM] was wanting to reconcile with me was so that he could avoid a custody battle in court. Anyways [XBF] kept ranting and raving about how [OM] was the "other man" in your life and that you needed to completely cut ties with [OM] in order for you and [XBF] to be able to carry on any kind of relationship. I kept trying to explain to him that I knew for sure that there was nothing going on between you and [OM]. I told him REPEATEDLY that I KNEW FOR A FACT that there was nothing going on, but he would not listen
to me. So after about 45 minutes into my conversation with [XBF], he finally said "how do you know for sure that there's nothing going on?" and I said to him(which now I completely regret saying this) that "[OM] told me that he thinks [XGF]is nasty and he does not find her attractive at all".
I do not know what to say to you now, except that I am so very very sorry and that I should have never said this to [OM]. I never thought that he would have repeated it to you. And THE ONLY REASON I said this statement to [XBF] was to "shut him up" because he would absolutely not leave the subject alone. He was driving me CRAZY. Please, if you can find it in your heart, please forgive me. I never meant to get involved in any of this and most importantly I did not intend for you to get hurt.
Oh and by the way I never told [XBF] that [OM] has any STD's, I think he is making all of this up to hurt you(which is so f....ing wrong on so many levels) I would not have told [XBF] this about [OM] because that would be both embarrassing for [OM] and I both. I hope that you can forgive me for all of this that's happened.
I would like to be able to put this whole situation behind us and still be able to be friends. Please email me back, when you can, and let me know what's on your mind, I would really like to hear your side of the story, because there are always two sides to every story, and I have a very strong feeling that your version of the story is the right one.
Take care and God Bless you and your family.
--
[OM Wife] Man I would really like to have OM and OM wife disappear. They seem to be slightly dysfunctional. OM wife when originally talking to her did not seemed all that upset or surprised when I told her. It would appear that she has been here before. All I can do is wish them luck in doing all they can do to each other. Take care and God Bless you and your family OM and OM wife. XGF told me there is another e-mail from OM wife stating that she hopes that someday XGF can get over XBF[ME]. I haven't bothered checking e-mails or some such anymore because it really is not worth the effort. Questions: 1> Should I try to communicate to OM wife and tell her to quit lying about me and to not to interfere with my attempts to try and win back XGF? 2> Should I be getting a Plan B in place? XGF and I are both renters/cake-eaters. I can imagine a lot of back-sliding. @ML - My primary goal is not to get back together again. It is to get my own place for me and my kids. XGF and I have a long road to hoe
Last edited by clark_kent; 09/30/10 03:16 AM.
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For I am too a PIGOne moment they're shoveling cake down their throats as fast as they can, from anywhere they can get it. It tastes good, so even though it upsets their stomachs they keep gorging themselves. Then suddenly they wake up and find themselves in the dark, on their hands and knees in the pigsty, and only turnip rinds to munch on. Be humble. You are in the same sty. She just happened to get the cake first. I wear the same shoes. When there are two cake-eaters at the table, nobodies cake is safe.
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LOL! Hoisted on my own petard! I've been mentioning a lot lately about being open and honest. So this early evening. She brought it up to me how lately I haven't been open and honest. Got me there. This came about because we had been discussing a couple that she had known from her previous marriage. She knew that the women was having an affair with her WH. She didn't tell the BH about it. She said you didn't want to be the one to ruin a marriage. I stated by her sitting on the side-lines she not only let this A kill her marriage, but that it ended up killing the other marriage. If she had told the BH about WW then he would have been able to make a choice. Fight for his marriage or decide to end it. That marriage died 5 years later. Probably without even a whimper. So I told her ask away. Her: What happened at my business meeting? Me: Told her. See a previous post. Her: This question she was very hesitant to ask. Who is the other person? Me:A very good friend. My best friend. [XGF]. Her: Why did you do that? Her: Curious to see if I was still interested? Me: Yes. EtymologyThe word petard comes from the Middle French peter, to break wind, from pet expulsion of intestinal gas, from Latin peditum, from neuter of peditus, past participle of pedere, to break wind; akin to Greek bdein to break wind. (Merriam-Webster) Petard remains a French word meaning a firecracker today (in French slang, it means a handgun, or a joint). The word remains in modern usage in the phrase hoist with one's own petard, which means "to be harmed by one's own plan to harm someone else" or "to fall into one's own trap," literally implying that one could be lifted up (hoist, or blown upward) by one's own bomb.
Last edited by clark_kent; 09/30/10 03:15 AM.
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This past Monday there was talk of reconciling and getting back together. Two hours later shes calling me to tell me that it would be better if I didn't come by because the OM is angry. He was on the phone talking to his mom, saying words like "she's a crazy lying [censored]." My XGF said it was in reference to OM Wife.
XGF then said that because of her stress that she didn't want any drama between me and OM. I agreed to this.
Soon after this I was thinking, now that OM wife is out of the picture she doesn't want me around.
The next day she was asking me for copies of any correspondence between myself and OM wife. I asked for all correspondence between OM Wife and her. I didn't send any of it to her, instead a sent a message that points out all the sign of an emotional affair. Soon she calls me back ranting about, "how could you say the things you did on MB. They are personal and that nobody has the right to see that stuff."
She told me that I could never be her best friend and that she doesn't want anything to do with.
WOW!!!!!!
Right now I'm turning away from this crap.
I'm asking for some words of encouragement or anything.
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Hi clark, sorry to hear things have been going so differently than you had thought they would, that's always a sinking feeling. I know it's tempting to think that if you just pointed out what you think she needs to know, what you think she doesn't know, it would all fall into place. I don't know if folks work like that. I'll be honest, clark, I don't understand why you want her right now. I know this is a temporary thing, the sleeping with a married man, and lying about it, but how about waiting until she's done before deciding to reach out to her again? Maybe she was just being nice to get the emails? Why does she want them, so they could cover their tracks better going forward? If that's the reason, what's your motivation for helping her with that? So you can get copies of their correspondence? What for, I don't get it?
How would you feel about focusing on the things that are going great in your life?
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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@NewEveryDay - When crisis hits me in a personal way the first thing I try to do is control and manage. I feel that if I would have been more attentive in the past then this crisis would never have happened in the first place. So I begin to compensate for this lack of attentiveness. This really sucks! I think that in some ways I'm lying to myself, saying that I don't want to focus on the relationship, but that is exactly what I'm doing. I have a plan to break away from the relationship focus. It is hard but I try to focus on that. The plan: - I'm exercising a lot.
- Spending extra time with kids.
- Working on building a business. Already figured out how much its going to cost to move out of where I'm living now.
- Reaching out to family and friends.
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