What you're not making much sense.

Of course he's angry, you're growing a spine and working to end his affair.

He'll get over it.

Your marriage can survive his anger, it cant survive a continuing affair.

If he is asking what you want him to do, insist on NC, no more sleepovers and he comes home to work on the relationship.

I asked him for NC. And I spoke to OW. He said I ruined his friendship with OW by going to talk to her. He didnt agree to NC just said that she wasn't going to talk to him anymore which is ridiculous of course she will still be "friends" with him.

But he did not exactly agree to NC.

You're right on the miserable old man thing. He knows it too. He won't ever find anyone else.

Great, have him write a NC letter. Then YOU send it to OW. Block her number from your phones.

From what I understand here he is NOT willing to go NC is that right?
blessing

Exactly he did not agree to NC.

Block her FB, and phone numbers on all of the phones, even block her email. Do you have a keylogger already installed just in case he creates another FB/email to contact her? If not I would do so before he comes home.

If contact is still there after he comes home, I suggest you go to plan B.

I need to bone up on my reading comprehension.

Regardless, he'll get over his anger.

No I need to think before I post. I'm not making sense. I'm a little bit of a wreck and trying to work at the same time.

He did not agree to NC.

He was sarcastically asking what he should do. He knows I want him to come home and work things out I've made that very clear even this morning.

He is angry and confused. But I hope that he does realize that NC is crucial.

He did some name calling last night. Said I wasn't worth it. That kind of stuff. I told him I wasn't going to call him names or anything.

It doesn't seem like he will ever get over it but it hasn't been that long.

He just told me he didn't go to work. I guess he is really upset. But I doubt he wants me around. I think I will ask anyway.

What,
Are you still looking for advice/help or are you just venting here? I can't tell...

Both

He was very upset. Not angry but upset. He said he didn't think he could do this. I tried to stay calm I got a little emotional. We both just sat there and talked. For almost two hours. Than finally he quit talking and I just tried to comfort him. He didn't tell me to leave or shrug me away. We just sat there in silence. Then I left. I said I will stay if you want but he didn't respond so I left. Things seem really bad. I don't know if I will be able to do plan A. I feel like he may still be trying to get space.

Any advice on plan A. I didn't bring up NC because it seems like he is going to do it. And he thinks everyone hates him. I assured him that I do not hate him and that I love him and I want to make our relationship better.

Hes afraid that if he comes back. It will eventually go bad agian and we will be back where we are.
I tried to tell him that we would come out stronger but he doesn't want to believe. He still thinks I want tochange him.

So any advice on plan A when partner is so closed off. I think forcing him makes things worse. Even if I'm doing nice things for him he says he appreciates them but doesn't want me to do it. That he just wants space. It may be to late to give him space but I guess I should.

Well, you do need him to change. He isn't marriage material right now. He's a renter at best. You have an uphill battle before you.

Why do you keep insisting on giving him space?

Have you learned nothing here? Have you read nothing? If you've read threads around here, what has given you the idea that space will fix this? After countless posts telling you space is a bad idea why do you keep clinging to it as your salvation?

How do you Plan A when he's closed off? You make a plan.

What are his needs? List them. Make a list of how you can meet them. EVERY day do something off of that list. Whenever you are with him, speak pleasantly and lovingly.

When he talks about the relationship you say "I know you are having an affair, our marriage will not survive with 3 people involved. I cannot discuss our relationship until you go NC with OW. Would you like a cookie?"

Quit with the space talk, that is not your solution.

Te reason I keep going to that is he says that's what he needs.

But I will be doing plan A as much as possible anyway.

Only because he can do what ever he wants with out seeing you suffer.

Separated + WS = VERY BAD FOR A MARRIAGE

Together + NC = VERY GOOD FOR A MARRIAGE

He needs to be in the home while you are in Plan A.

Right now you have no plan you are in Plan C (compromise) and that plan will lead to a divorce.

He'll also say he needs a second lover, right? Would you give him that?

SPACE is not one of the emotional needs that requires being met in order to be in love. SPACE is an anti-EN. I'd say it guarantees a result of NOT being in love. If that is what you want, then by all means...give him space.

No, he's saying that because it is what he WANTS. He wants to be able to come home to you and play husband and then go to OW and get some from her too.

Space gives him the opportunity to get 2 women meeting his needs.

You need to stop listening to the crazy coming from his lips. Stop letting your actions be governed by him, because he doesn't have your best interest or the interest of your marriage at heart.

YOU take control.

Plan A gives you control.

Read this thread

Scotty is amazing. You could learn from her.

Ditto!!! Plan B and D. R is extremely difficult and is a long road to walk. No kids, short marriage...don't waste more years on this guy.

What -

Either follow the advice here or file for divorce. If you keep doing plan "C" (Compromise with your WH), you'll just end up divorced anyway. You don't really have much left to lose at this point.

aBetterMe

I'm going to do plan A. When I got home I had planned on making dinner something he likes. But he wasn't here. He had just left though. Not long before I got home. And he didn't take a bag from what I can tell. I think I will have some cookies in the oven when he gets here. And a revealing nightgown.

Since he is sleeping in another room already and is very cold shoulder when I attempt to plan A is there any advice you can give me. I want to save this.

1. Hope you are ready to be exposed to HIV, STD's of all kinds. Your H is having an affair with another woman who may have given him any number of nasty sexually transmitted diseases. Are you willing to risk your health to keep him?

2. You are reinforcing his bad behavior.....he can cheat on you and you bake cookies and try to seduce him. Says loud and clear "I need you so much you can treat me horribly and I'll come back for more and even do it while you cheat on me." Doesn't bode well for how he thinks he can treat you in the future.

Why, why why are you so willing to settle for so little? This is not the best nor the last man on earth.