Vibrissa,
Thank you for your kind words.

Enlightened,
I do believe I have raised all of my children (including DD of XH's M) to know and believe that adultry is wrong and unacceptable.

Mrs. W,
Yes, I do believe a name change is in order. That was my old name from several years ago. I was a very different person back then. However, if you check my old posts here @ MB you will see that I always posted respectfully & honest. I would not want my name to be a trigger. I also no longer believe that the ends will justify the means. Doing the right thing is more important.
How do I change my name so that my old posts are not lost?

Captain,
I posted to you on your thread. I believe it is not too late to save your marriage. I do believe you need to let OW go first, even if W is not ready to get rid of OM.

hope,
I have posted here before. I also lurk here a lot. I find I have more in common with the people here. I also like how people generally stick to 1 thread. I read Scotland's thread in 1 day (although it took forever). I admire her and all she did to protect her kids and save her marriage. I have been ill lately so I am at home 24/7 and have free time when kids are at school or late at night when I am in too much pain to sleep.

I believe I can help marriage build. I also believe I can offer a unique perspective on issues dealing w/ OP. I cringe when I read a story where I am almost positive there is still contact even though NC letter has been written. I wanted to climb through the screen and shake ppl sometime. I am not sure of the poster, but I was reading a thread the other day where H is out of house sleeping on OW's sofa, but W does not believe it is a PA. Amazing.

I do post on TOW sometimes, but not very often. I have been on the board 9+ years and followed certain posters stories. It is hard for me to post there now, because I am completely affair free. You are not allowed to post on OW/OM forum wearing your M hat, which I do proudly wear now:) I met my H at work. He was single when we got together. We have been married going on 5 years. He is a wonderful man who believes cheating is dead wrong. There is no grey area in his eyes. I am lucky that he accepted me, even knowing of my past. I also use MB's principles to try and ensure we have a mutually healthy and satisfying marriage.

markos,
Nice solution, but not going to work in the real world. Fornication has been around since biblical times and I am sure it will continue.

writer,
Believe it or not there are situations where OP does go to MP's home. Sometimes MP have jobs that require them to be elsewhere. Sometimes MP's family does not even let on. In the past I was w/ 2 MM and I had both of their home #s and was able to call whenever I needed to.

FYI to all @ MB,
I am not here to cause problems. I have posted here before and was never attacked or treated poorly. Nor would I do that to anyone. I hope everyone is able to recover their marriage. Marriage is a truly wonderful gift, especially whan it is a balanced, supportive, and happy relationship.

Thought that was a very nice summary.

Waywards always try to find loopholes to justify their actions. If it's ok in one scenario it may be ok in theirs.

In this situation that you describe, the man had no clue. But he unwittingly DID play a part in the destruction of the woman's marriage. He was a key player though he didn't know it. Ignorance does not make innocence, but it can factor in determining culpability.

It would just be better if he didn't have sex with a woman he wasn't married to. Problem solved. Don't have to worry about it.

If you're gonna make up wild scenarios, I'm gonna make up wild solutions.

But you're trying to distract me from the point. The point is YOUR OW IS a skank. Full stop.

Making up hypothetical doesn't make her any less a skank, especially because she DID know you were married.

Honestly, what was your purpose in bringing up your hypothetical? To educate me? Until you clear your foggy mind, you will not be in any sort of position to educate anyone.

tew - I appreciate your thoughts.

Don't have sex with someone you aren't married to. Problem solved.

Scenarios like the ones listed above are only a problem for people who are having sex without the benefit of being in a committed long-term relationship (read MARRIAGE here). It would be pretty difficult for your partner to successfully lie about their marital status if you waited to have sex with him/her until you were married to each other and living together.

So your point was? There are exceptions to the rule?

Waywards are famous for believing they are the exception to the rule. You need to defog, Captain. We can't help you while you are still in contact with your OW.

BTW, you need to update your signature line with the fact that you are a wayward spouse and still working with your OW. That way people/lurkers will understand and be able to "keep that in mind" when reading your fogbabble.

of course you hate living in a world of "absolutes;" all outlaws hate it because that is the world of right and wrong. You live in the world where wrong is right, a warped fun house that accommodates your wrongdoing. That world doesn't serve anyone expect outlaws.

Every outlaw runs from the world of black and white with every fiber of his being. You have to live in a world of "gray" in order to avoid looking honestly at yourself.

We all see right through you, Captain. WE SEE YOU. You can't run and hide here.

Under your scenario the OM is not necessarily a selfish, low-down home-wrecker, but at the very least he's stupid and irresponsible. What kind of person would get together with a woman that led him to believe she was single and committed adultery with him? A very stupid person with no self-worth.

Assuming single man is an adult and has normal mental faculties, single man knows this woman is not his wife.

So if single man chooses to adopt a moral code that allows sex before marriage, single man is acting selfishly by even allowing sex to occur with this woman, regardless her marital status.

Since he should be 100% certain of his marital status, should he choose to have sex with someone he knows is not his wife he's being selfish.

See above. This is one of the pitfalls of adopting the moral code of sex before marriage. One puts themselves at risk of being a party to such a situation.

There is a certain wisdom in the moral code of avoiding sex with anyone not your spouse. Which means single guys won't have sex.

One can argue, even without citing any religious texts, that choosing to avoid sex with those who are not your own spouse, one avoids such potential circumstances. That is the ultimate in thinking of others over yourself.

By adopting such a personal code, you make sure you are not unwittingly betraying the marriage of another should your partner turn out to be married and not single as she presents herself.

Well at this point, the guy isn't selfish, but unwise. He knows she is able to betray her spouse. Choosing to continue an intimate relationship with her puts him at risk of being betrayed down the road.

So I wouldn't say selfish. I'd say stupid at this point.

Yes, and stupid if it progresses along the scenario you present here.

No one told me how I can change my name w/out losing my old posts. Can someone please advise.

You just go into "my stuff" and go to "edit profile" and you can change your display name. You might want to remove the mention of "TOW" in your signature, because the board is so offensive.

ML,
Wouldn't that be dishonest on my part? I specifically put the TOW part on their so ppl could cross check my story for accuracy and the manner in which I post? I will take it off for now as per your suggestion.

I have been a member of TOW for 9 years and MB I believe for about 8.

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Name has been changed. I tried happywife first, but someone else had that one:(

Another ? How do u get your info to show at bottom of your thread posts?

Thanks all:)

Instead of putting "TOW" in signature, why not put "FOW" so folks will know you have recovered by renouncing that shady, sleazy background?

I agree - FOW describes you now, stable and provides enough of a background for other people to know what perspective you're coming from.

Glad you got the name change. And it seems you figured out how to change your siggy.

Gerber - you may want to try posting your thread in a New Topic so it can be addressed specifically. Welcome to MB.

Vib,
As for the signature I meant how to add the facts. Like I see ppl that have their ages, kids ages, DDay info, etc. It shows up w/out doing any research.

Again, single man could avoid the whole problem by not selfishly choosing to sleep with this woman before marriage.

btw, Captain, original definition of a skank was a woman who sleeps around without marriage. By very definition, in your story (with genders reversed), the woman is in fact a skank.

Just wondering guys, what is TOW?

It stands for The Other Woman. It is a filthy, vile sewer where they celebrate the destruction of marriages and families. It is full of some of the most sick, warped people you will ever see. They are cockroaches at the table of life of some married woman. They snatch the crumbs of someone else's marriage.