Princessmeggy knows her Texas divorce law. Sure, if you got divorced today, your WW would probably get primary custody because of your job and the travel. However, she would NOT be able to move the kids out of state. And if you no longer have that job, she would have to work, and you would probably get close to 50/50. I would separate your finances and consult with an attorney just in case she goes crazy. Keep a voice activated recorder on you at all times. She seems like she's at the point where she might pull the "abuse stunt" to try and get you out of the house. As for her plans, the next time she says, "My lawyer says....blah, blah, blah," just give your WW YOUR attorney's card and tell her, "well my attorney assures me that's not going to happen" with a confident tone. She will soil herself. She's just flailing around right now as her drug is being taken away from her. Keep on the offensive.

I get home this Thursday. I will have a long weekend at home. I went ahead and booked my return flight to come back to Mexico on Monday. I am not planning on coming back. I am going to give my boss notice that Monday.

As soon as I get home I plan to:

1. Remove her from our bank account and shut down credit cards.
2. Figure out a way to deactivate her cell phone that she uses to communicate with OM. Still not sure how I will do that since the account is under her name.
3. Re-expose to everyone that she is planning to leave me for OM, he is building her a house, etc. Her family has been telling her that she needs to keep her family together.
4. I am going to speak to an attorney on Friday to learn my rights and get specific information about custody of my kids. I am not sure if I will file for divorce at that time.
5. Once I have done all this, I will lay down the law with her! I will make it clear that I will no longer tolerate what she is doing. If she wants to go with him she knows where the door is.

Open a new account. Get new SIM cards for that account. Tell them you won't be paying anymore on the other account (it will eventually get shut down if you don't pay). Block her from accessing the new account. Block OM's number from the new account. Take the old account SIM card out of her phone and insert the new one. Destroy the old SIM card. Alert everyone (you want to know) of your new phone numbers.

OR you can just shut down the phone as you may not be able to afford it now anyway.

And you need to do all of the other things you listed BEFORE you tell her you quit and give her a chance to beat you to the punch. Especially the securing of the finances.

I am giving him my notice on Monday. Isnt it customary to offer 2 weeks notice? I booked the flight just in case he accepts my offer of 2 weeks. I dont know if I should just flat quit and not offer 2 weeks. If I did this wont they give me a bad reference? I dont want to do anything that will damage me as I am looking for a new job.

She blocked me from being able to see her call records online. I am going to try to shut down the phone. Since I will be in control of finances I just wont pay the bill. But in the meantime I guess I will have to tolerate her and OM talking and making their plans together. Unless someone has an different idea.

And yes, I plan to do all of these things before I tell her that I am quitting.

I plan to offer 2 weeks notice. If he accepts, then yes I will work 2 last weeks in Mexico.

I really dont know, maybe I should just quit and not offer 2 weeks notice. Instead, just stay home. I am afraid it might hurt me later on if I did this.

1) How you quit is up to you. 2 weeks is the standard, but that doesn't mean you have to give 2 weeks. If you don't, just don't list him as a reference. Besides, as long as he works at the company, due to privacy laws, he isn't legally allowed to talk about you as a worker. The company can only verify the dates you worked there. I've had 3 jobs, and not once did anyone call any of my references either. All they do is just verify your work history and education isn't made-up.

Maybe I can check in with my recruiter contact to see if that is the case.

As for shutting off the phone, I hear it doesn't work well without a SIM card or battery.

I would not work for 2 weeks, I am sorry but that is my decision I believe it wont hurt your future jobs.

Iamdown,
I agree with Sapphire here. If your company had tried to work with you and give you some time off, then I would say return the courtesy to them with 2 weeks notice. But instead, your company basically gave you the middle finger. I think any company worth working for in the future would not hold it against you that you did what you had to do to try and save your marriage, after being denied any sympathy from your employer. The bottom line is, do you have enough reserve cash to go up to a few months without a job?

I think its high time your wife got a reality check. It is laughable that she thinks she is going to run away, live the life of a fairy princess in a house built for her and her kids...all provided by an unemployed, ex-convict drug addict. She needs to understand that you will fight her bitterly on every issue from custody to alimony, and that she has NO income of her own to finance that fight. You also need to be home to physically prevent her from trying to take your kids with her when she leaves. This goes back to the hand-held recorder idea. Buy one and carry it with you at all times. Record all of your interactions with your WW because she will probably try and play the abuse card. When the cops come, play the recording and watch her get taken to jail. Its happened on these forums before.

The amount of disrespect your WW has heaped on you must be nearly unbearable. Its time to stand up for yourself and demand better treatment. One of two things will happen. Your WW will fight you tooth and nail but will one day thank you for being a man. Or you will end up divorced, but able to be proud of who you see in the mirror. Jmwc has given you some great advice to that end.

Best of luck to you.

Ummmm, I don't know if I'd burn my bridges. I don't know how it is in your industry, but in the legal field, you'd be unofficially blacklisted within the legal community for quitting without notice. It may be illegal for firms to discuss employees between each other, but rest assured, it IS done on the QT.

If you do offer notice, maybe you shouldn't tell your wife that you're in the middle of quitting your job. I dunno, this is scary stuff, especially in this economy.

Employers have to be very careful when giving a 'reference' because of privacy laws, vengeful ex-employees and lawsuits. Agree with PM - they will probably give only the dates you worked.

Im,

Give notice and take two weeks vacation or sick leave. They have not supported you in this and frankly you need to speak to your lawyer about this as well.

Call your lawyer today, right now, and set up how to do this: spliting moneys, getting evidence of OM's moral character (no judge is going to give her custody if she is running around with a convicted drug user/dealer, etc.), and make sure you have temporary custody of the kids.

She may well leave you, but is she does she leaves the kids and frankly if the only reason she is married to you is your job, then you don't want her. That is her decision, your decision should be as I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES ONLY TO BE IGNORED IS TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.

You are so worried about her and you **** job that you continue to ignore the very real threat to your children. Damn it man grow a pair and protect you children and you cannot do that from Mexico.

Am I being clear enough for you???

In twenty years if you children are harmed you won't be too worried about that two weeks you could have spent in Mexico working. In less than two years you won't be worried about it either. PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN AND FORCE YOUR W TO MAKE SOME REAL DECISIONS.

Jeeeze I don't I have ever been so frustrated or mad at a person on this site in 11 years as I am at you right now.

Your W is certifiable right now, she may come back she may not but YOU need to get it in gear and do the right thing and working in Mexico is NOT the right thing.

JL

Great idea about the tape recorder. I will stop by radio shack on the way home from the airport tomorrow.

OK JL.. I acknowledge the threat to my kids. They are the most important thing in my life. But, this is a big step for me to quit my job. I have always given them everything they wanted. It will be hard for me to see them deprived of everything I have given them in the past. I know this has to happen though. I am not stupid.

I am trying to find out if I can get unemployment benefits if I resign. I was told you have to get fired or laid off to get benefits. Not sure how it will work in my situation. I know it will not be much money, but anything will help until I find another job.

I understand how difficult this is for you. I'm sure it is going to be scary to not have a job. I also don't believe you will get unemployment benefits if you voluntarily resign. Check into it. Maybe you get get them to "fire" you instead of resigning, so you would be eligible.

Either way, the sole responsibility of providing financially should not completely be your burden. First of all, your WW is not disabled. She can go out and find work. I'm sure your 19 year-old could find work as well. He can pay "rent" for staying with you. It will do him some good. I'm sure you can find some work even if it is a lesser job and not even in your field, just to bide your time and tide you over. Your 13-year-old can watch the other kid. Between you, your WW, and your eldest son's part time job, you can probably earn close to what you made before. OR you can cut out all the extra crap that you never needed to spend your money on in the first place (No, not the cable!). Yes, it will be an inconvenience, but you will not starve. You will be okay.

And another thing. Not being able to play the newest game on the latest gaming system is not depriving your kids. Not spending any time with your kids because you are always gone or your WW got custody of them and took them away is depriving them. YOU are what they need, not material items. They'll be better off with you around.

More than STUFF, what children need is the knowledge that their father loves them and WANTS the best for them. I know it will hurt to lose things - but they can make it through this.

DDay for my father's second marriage happened while I was away at camp. He and my brother were kicked out of our home while I was away. I got home and had only the clothes I'd taken to camp with me and wound up sleeping on my grandmother's couch for a few weeks.

Eventually we moved into a little two bedroom apartment where my father and brother shared a room. We had a television, and my brother's and my bed and that's it. I think we maybe had a couple plates and spoons. No couches, nothing. My father slept on blankets on the floor. We managed to get our clothes and the beds but I lost so many little things. It was rough, I promise you. But we had each other, and we knew our father loved us.

Eventually we rebuilt. It took a couple years but it happened.

It was worth it to get away from the selfish, abusive wayward Step-mother.

Through it all I've never blamed my father - he did what he had to do for us and his family. I've never doubted his love and care for me. Everything he's ever done has been for his children.

It will be rough and it will hurt, but love your children - they'll understand that.

Wow, I am so sorry what you went through Vib..

I am still trying to kill this affair my WW is having. She went to her sister's house when she found out about the bank account, lawyer appointment, etc. She has not slept here at home since I got back from Mexico on Thursday. I am suffering very much right now. I love her and want to hold her every night. I miss her.

Just calm down. She's trying to punish you. You are doing a good job. Things will improve, they just need to get worse for a bit before they get better.