IDK.. The first thing she did after I cut her off financially was to go pawn her wedding ring. It was the same ring that I bought her when I was in the military 17 years ago and not making that much money. That really hurt. I guess she wanted to make sure she had money to pay her cell phone bill. She then came home and cut up our marriage certificate in front of me and said "marriage is just a piece of paper". I asked her about our marriage vows and she told me that she can do whatever she wants and talk to whoever she wants and I can't keep her as a prisoner.

Please know that I want to keep my family together so bad. I am thinking long term. But, I cannot take anymore of this or her abuse. I am an attractive, educated guy who earns good money. I hate to do it but I am going to D her.

Iam,
Keep your head up. Its hard, but you are doing the right thing. You are standing your ground on letting your wife bring another man into the marriage and continue her disrespect of you. You cannot control what she does, but you can control what you accept. Just remember that filing for D, does not mean you have to get divorced. Its a long process that you can stop at any time should she finally snap out of the fog. I suspect that once she leaves and goes full force into the affair, that she will quickly realize that an ex-con, unemployed drug addict is no substitute for you. If she comes crawling back, it will be up to you whether you think she has learned enough to be a good wife.

If not, you are better off without her. Just take each day on its own now and start working to ensure your custodial rights. Hows the job search going?

Hey just wanted to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know you want so save your marriage but the fact that you wanted to save your marriage at any cost may have cost you your marriage.

I read at the start you knew of the affair but you did not take the action then. You tried to negotiate with her instead of being strong. When men do this they usually fail.

It looks like you are now taking the steps you need now. Cut off her money. Like others said get out of the job. You can always give 2 weeks and take some PTO or sick days or whatever.

No woman screwing another man is worth having as a wife. My XW acted just like your WW until I hit back at her hard. I cut off her funds booted her out of the house so she could be with lover boy and told her I was done with her cheating azz. I had her served and boy did I get a change from her.

Before I did that she blamed me for her affair was not sorry and it was all my fault. The gloves came off for me and I said things to her that they probably would not recommend here.

For instance I stopped calling what she did as having an "AFFAIR". You know when people talk the word affair is not always used in a negative way. So when I talked to her I changed the word affair with the words "Screwing another man". My XW sure stopped blaming me for an affair when I used the words "Screwing another man". I think it hit home what she was doing not some tame word like "Affair". For instance when I said to her "Do you know how your screwing another man has impacted your children?" At first she said don't talk to me that way but I told her this is what she has done so I will use any words I want.

Start playing hardball. I am going to tell you taking abuse from a cheating woman is not worth it. You need to protect yourself. See the lawyer and play for keeps. My brother just had to endure a visit from the authorities because he was accused of molesting his 6 year old daughter. My brother had a voice activated recorder with him at all times so he was exonerated because they could not find any evidence and his daughter checked out fine. She was hoping to have him put away just so she gets the kid. The court system in the US is disgusting when in comes to men.

You are in a death match right now and until and unless your WW starts acting human please stop being Mr. Nice Guy. My marriage failed but not because my XWW wanted a divorce. It failed because I would not stay married to a woman who would sleep with another man while married to me. My XW did not want the divorce at all. She begged me to take her back. The reason for this was I played hardball with her and stopped putting up with crap.

Good luck to you. No one deserves to be treated like this. If she wants to be with a drugged out dude let her go. Her life will be complete S##T very soon. Just don't let your kids get near him.

You might tell your WW you were thinking of divorcing her and finding a unemployed drug addict woman to hook up with for a while. I am sure your WW would freak out and say "Over my dead body" but since she is the one doing it she does not see a problem. Anyway be strong but firm. You are in my prayers.

Might be a good idea to start working on your plan B. Sounds like you are almost to that point.

I'm a MB oldtimer and wanted you to know that you need to NOT quit your job, but take the family leave act. See a counselor or doc or something to get you approved for need of being able to claim that.

That will give you 12 weeks to straighten things out and get that criminal out of your lives. In the meanwhile, I'd consider plan B.

She is in full blown alien mode. I went thru all of this too with my xh. What I didn't do was enough shock and awe of the plan B.

I'd cut her off, insist she move out since she doesn't want the family. YOU be at home. YOU be the one who is stable. See a lawyer, get a sep agreement and get all the criminal background of your w's convict bf and make sure your wife doesn't get custody of the kids. This can be done in one week, give you 11 to go to decide what to do with work.

Her having minimal financial help and not the kids and the affair hitting the full light of day should do the trick. As far as exposure would go, I would make sure all her relatives and friends and acquaintences knew that she is willing to have your innocent children around a criminal. That she is willing to endanger them and destroy your marriage and family.

She may have an addiction, but right now she's just plain evil and mean. They also get crazy when you show them they can't live both lives and keep it going. My ex went bezerk and remained that way for 2 years, even after our divorce. He went so far as to break into our home and got arrested when I was at work. I have a laundry list a mile long that a crazy wayward can do to show you. Do not underestimate the wayward crazy people. They'll amaze you.

1)get family leave approved
2)keep your job
3)be at home
4)immediately get lawyer and sep agreement
5)plan b begins
6)expose beyond nuclear exposure to all family and friends and acquaintences about the history of bf
7) let her have him. See that part imho, along with the darkest plan b, limited money, will have most impact and hope the evil wayward is destroyed and the w is returned.

I have been networking with former collegues and found another job. However, it still involves alot of travel. Mostly to China, Bangladesh,Pakistan, etc.. During the busy season (6 months) I will be gone 5 weeks and then home for 2 weeks. During the off season, I will be home every night. The off season is coming up (Nov - Apr). I have to go interview for this position in 3 weeks. The job is based in N. TX where I moved my family from when all this started happening with my WW and OM. He is in GA.

My kids got excited when I told them about this opportunity. They are homesick and want to see their old friends. OM can fly to N. TX just as easily as he did to S. TX. I know my WW would be more than happy to have him around while I am gone.

I love my wife and my kids but I also have to love myself. She is in some kind of daze right now and I can't seem to break her from it. She even told me today that she wishes I would find someone else so that I could move on and leave her alone to be happy.

I think that is exactly what I should do.

If you truly feel that you should do this, I wish you well. Do it. Understand - your kids would probably prefer an intact family over seeing old friends.

Have you thought about how to handle visitation, etc. with them and and logistics of being out of town so often? Are you comfortable with not seeing your children for months on end when visitation doesn't coincide with your travel schedule? I understand that you have been out of town a lot before, but they've always had the security of one home and of knowing that you were working for your family. That will change.

Is this truly how you would like to live? If your answer is yes, then good luck.

Do not give up, but do take a 100 percent HARD LINE about this. You're rolling over and giving up! Do not.

Mainly, find a way to do a plan B. A very dark plan B, which allows the wayward to see totally and I mean TOTALLY what life is without your help.

Are you going to IN ANY WAY let your kids be around this horrible drug abusing criminal? Whatever you do do not let your kids down. Your wife is so ready and eager too. I know, I had to protect my son from my crazy ex.

Some waywards respond very well from a very dark and HARSH plan B. Do you really know how to do a plan A followed by the darkest of plan B's?

I may send over an old MB hero over to help you. He went so far as to divorce his ww and got custody of their son who basically was a baby. He went into the darkest of plan B's, with only basic and minimal contact with the ex.

He followed MB play by play and as of almost 2 years now, he has been happily REMARRIED to his once ww. In fact they are a precious and wonderful couple. God worked on her, changed her, and she realized she was hurting and made the wrong decision.

I guarantee your w will do the same, but it won't take an easy plan a or b. What you have to do is work this out according to the plan. Imho, sometimes plan B might involve a separation or even a divorce, if the family and children are placed in serious jeopardy. But it doesn't mean the end, as most of these affairs end by year two, including my ex's affairage.

My ex had already remarried his ow the day after our divorce was final, but (ick) after being divorced 2 years from him, he actually (grosse me out totally) tried to ask me out on a date and told me his (affair)marriage was over. Right at year two mark. What did I say? I said I didn't date married men (lol).

So that's how I know Dr. Harley is right. It was just too damn well late for me. But my ex is in process of being divorced from his affair wife now. Cheated on her too.

The other reason for having a dark and harsh plan B is for this. Either there is a HUUGE wake up call to the wayward by year two, or they will continue imho, down a horrible path towards self destruction and will take with them everybody they knew or loved along for the deadly ride. That would be you and your kids btw. You have to secure the safety of the kids during her "time of darkness" (what I called the time of my plan b). They simply don't think right, place front and center THEIR needs and everybody else is an afterthought. They don't think. Very self centered.

If the wayward never changes, you can be assured of what will happen next. Further divorces. More chaos. More pain for everybody (my son right now is grieving the divorce of his dad and the fact his half sister will be raised by ow and some other guy in the future since she (ex ow) is divorcing his dad). see the snowball effect waywards have on their kids even AFTER we get divorced? See it?

Good for the job btw. Very good. Just make sure you have OTHER RELATIVES who are responsible and loving to take care of the kids when you're out of town. I'd have an emergency hearing as soon as the sep papers are filed to gain FULL CUSTODY of the kids as per mom's crazy behavior and her willingness to want to share her life with a known drug addict and criminal, which would be a horrible environment for the kids. You can be separated btw during plan B. Even divorced. Just immediately do what some have said.

My advice was/is : cut her off $ speaking with only minimal amounts for basic necessities, send her out to buy an apartment, giving her only a teeny guest type bed and none of the family furniture, hire an attny, and do a beyond post apocalyptic nuclear explosion EXPOSURE of the om's criminal past and their screwing each other to all and everybody everywhere. Nothing held back. And FULL CUSTODY of the kids. I have full custody btw. You should be able to get it b/c dads now have more rights just get a really pit bull of an attorney and that should do it along with no mercy.


I think you need to only have one mantra to her: "I am doing this for our children, because my family is my family, you can be a member or not, but if you are placing the kids in harms' way, I have to do what's right." Then do plan b otherwise.

One thing I didn't do and wish I had done in my situation (my ex is one of MB's all time worst baddie exes), was play harder ball than I did. I felt pity for him sometimes, even thought he was losing his mind. In the end, he knew exactly what he was doing and used my kindness as a weapon against me.

Be strong now, and go for the jugular legally speaking. As the old saying goes, war is hell. The prize at hand is the safety and sanity of your children and the fiscal survival of your family (you and the kids). Either she gets onboard some time in the future or she doesn't, and ends up as my ex did, ruined for life.

I have not given any thought about visitation. I am still confused and those are my kids so I hope I can see them whenever I want. My 13 yo told me today that he needs a new reel for his fishing pole and wants me to take him fishing next weekend at the beach. My daughter said she wants to get back in ballet. The kids don't know the s**t storm that's coming their way very soon. They are out buying halloween decorations for the house right now.

NO! This is not how I F***ing want to live! I want my wife & family back. But, I have to remain open to the possibility that I will have to start a new family.

So are you considering plan B or just going to plan D?

What is your plan?

Then stop whining and rolling over and take control of this! OMG! Get a job flipping burgers and STAY HOME! Stop leaving your WW to do this terrible thing! Your poor kids...it makes me want to cry, just thinking about them and their innocent optimism.

Yes what IS your plan?

Why are you even thinking you could lose custody? Hell you should go for FULL custody! Serious. Full. Make HER pay cs since she is abandoning the family for a dangerous criminal.

Change your way of thinking NOW or it is 100 percent too late or even as far as two years from now.

What happens is what you make happen. Granted you can't make ww do what you want, but you can make things as good as they can be, considering the situation. Go for her throat legally. Serious on that.

Plan B/move her out/full custody/nuclear beyond nuclear exposure of the criminal/no mercy/secure the job/secure the kids/find a loving relative who will watch the kids when you're out of town as the kids CANNOT be in her custody around a criminal.

Maybe even go as far as getting a RESTRAINING ORDER so that the criminal cannot be around you or your kids? That would put the wayward wife in a niiice pickle huh. She'd be forced to choose. Would for sure help the wayward wife see what is at stake. Her lurid affair with the criminal and be a woman without her kids or a loving husband (and a good and honest one), a good future for herself, or to live shunned in a hovel with a drug addict/felon without her kids.

Take away the options on the table. This is not for the faint of heart. I did this. A sweet, once sahm. I came back with a vengeance. Professionally, personally, and as a loving, tough-minded mom against Darth (what I call my ex)!

Honestly, if it was just me and her, it's plan D right now. For my kids, I think I am obligated to do plan B. Is this wrong? Everyone says couples should not stay together just for the kids. It would break my kids hearts to see their parents divorce.

Take one work day and have it all accomplished.

Pretend you're going to work business as usual as far as wifey thinks. You REALLY go to mean attorney's office wtih everything printed out (all the evidence) and criminal background of the ex. File for sole custody and separation, file for restraining order on behalf of you, and your kids, as this is a DANGEROUS man your wife is having an affair with. Cut her off financially in the settlement too. Only basics since she is causing dangerous problems, and wants to hurt your kids. That is what you tell the mean lawyer. Full custody my man, full custody.

Have her served at 4 pm same business day all the secret legal stuff is complete. Do not tip your hat or give any info about what you're going to do. When she's served, have movers show up at same time and have them bring her things out to the truck. Do it all same day. I tried to do this the same day but I couldn't. It would have had a greater effect if I did.

Since she is the one who is harming potentially the children SHE needs to leave and needs to understand that. What crazy planet is this beotch on anyway? Every day on the news kids are harmed by the boyfriend or girlfriend of mom or dad. This guy is no way able to be a parent and you have to man up right now and take away her rights.

I am a woman saying this about another woman. I had to step in and light a fire. You can too. Go for it. Your kids look to you and are confused. They look to the one sane parent for family leadership and security and love ok.

I know you don't want divorce and I'm not saying divorce. But she cannot be under same roof causing trouble and spending your money and parenting the kids there while the frightening possibility of her having this man around your kids IN your home exists.

You don't have to divorce. But if there is a hardest among hard plan B's applied to this woman, she might in time regain her senses. Most do, and if it's ok and able for them to re-enter the marriage and family then that happens, a recovery. if not, then the waywards have to accept the outcome of their actions.

I'll try to send my bud sometime today to you online. He was one who did the hardest plan b. And he is happily remarried with his family intact and his marriage lovingly restored! I remembered crying with joy when I found out about it btw almost 2 years ago.

It happens. All the time. You can't worry if you will divorce, you just work the program ok? WORK the program. Keep kids safe, keep your finances in check, keep the job, keep the house, restrict kids from the criminal's presence, keep them safe, get legal protection if wife will not protect her children ok?

I cut off all the money to her. That is why she is freaking out right now. She told me she hated me today.

I do not want to divorce her but I don't see any other way out.

I am trying not to whine. She doesn't love me or our kids. I don't know if I even love her anymore.

They mean you shouldn't stay together and let her continue her affair with OM just for the kids sake. If she is going to continue to abuse you, you shouldn't take it. I know you think your situation is hopeless right now, but I guarantee you, if you go to plan B, her affair will die out rather quickly. Also, it will protect your sanity, keep you from hating her, and increase the probability that you would take her back after her affair is over. I would do another exposure to the kids about the latest events and keep them in the loop. They can put more pressure on your WW to end her affair and aid in transitioning to plan B.

Your WW is just an addict right now and displaying addict behavior because you cut her off. Right now since you are home, I would just focus on preventing any contact. If she continues contact, I would try and push her out of the house (i.e. choose between living at home and not contacting OM, or living somewhere else and contacting him because she can't contact him at home because you prevent it).

All hope is not lost, even though that is want she wants you to think. She wants you to give up and just be okay with contact.

This is why you need to get to plan B. Protect your love and the chance at a recovered marriage. Her affair will end.

Also, don't show weakness. Don't let her know what she is getting to you. Be calm and firm. Just say stuff like, "you are not allowed to communicate with OM in our house. If you want to continue with him, get the heck out and take your stuff with you, but contact here will not be allowed." Then drop it and smash any affair phone she brings around. Keep a voice activated digital recorder with you at all times. Hopefully she will do something stupid like file a fake abuse claim against you that you can refute with your recorder and get herself thrown in jail. If she hits you, just call the cops and have her removed from the house.

Get the plan going. Plan b with possible separation. But I wouldn't wait on it imho.

Force her out of the house. Without any money she has no access for an affair phone OR lawyer to begin proceedings against you ok?

Separation doesn't have to mean divorce, but you must have a plan and remain strong. This plan I told you is what worked for my friend, also a MB success and marriage recovered for almost 2 years for him!