Haven't been here in a long time....signing back in.

I've been divorced for nearly 7 years. Husband cheated.
Fast forward....I've been dating g for 2 1/2 yrs. Not perfect by any means but so nice to have someone care for me again.

Things have been growing distant for some time. Part of me wondered if there could be someone else, another part thought maybe it's the aging relationship. He used to call and come by more frequently.
Moving forward, I spent time with him this weekend.
I had a nagging feeling something is really off.

I have done something that I never saw myself doing, I checked his text messages. I am ashamed. I needed to find if my "feelings" were in my own mind or if there could be more.
I have found that he has someone else, of course, a co-worker.
I'm don't suspect that this has become physical....yet, but all the emotional signs of an affair are there. The messages back and forth were fun, flirty, dirty, with I Miss You's.

My hands were shaking reading the messages. It brought back such emotion of the period of time when I found out about my husband's affair. Something you know you'll never forget, but time does have a way of letting us forget pain.

I packed my weekend bag and left without saying goodbye. He was still asleep and looking at him was something I couldn't do.
He did call me after he woke up and asked where I was. I told him I was driving home. He asked why, and I replied that I didn't see a spot for myself in his life. He asked why I would say that, to which I asked if I could call him when got home.
I tried to call him, but he is not taking my calls.

I'm hurting to say the least.
If any of my older day mber's are out there, would love to hear from you.

I will be weak once the anger has died down. I need help to be strong for no contact.

Karona,
I'm sorry you find yourself going through it again. There really isn't much discussion needed...you recognized the signs, having been through it before (one never forgets), you checked, he's cheating, so what's the point in hearing his lies? You aren't married...count yourself fortunate to find out this side of the alter. I'm sorry it hurts so much, Hon, break ups are rotten and painful. I'm trying to get over my ex-fiance too...he didn't cheat on me, just broke up with me. Eventually we get through it...not fun, but there it is. (((hugs)))

Hey K my old friend, it's so good to hear from you, but what an awful update! I am truly sorry... I know how much that hurts, and the terrible feeling of having your fears confirmed, of seeing your supposed partner missing, loving, and flirting with someone else. Blach .

I think you did the right thing, although to be honest I would have been open about why you left, and told him that you did not see a spot for yourself in his life with Bambi also in the picture.

Anyway, I'd avoid all contact, this is not something that he can talk his way out of or explain... I'd go with the clean break, as much as it hurts. I'm really sorry K .

AGG

Thank you AGG - so nice to hear from you.

OUCH! He called me "K" all the time. Had a special ring.

I wanted to tell him I knew what was going on. I told him I would call him when I got to my house. I didn't want to talk on my cell and drive, not with THAT to fall out of my mouth.
He hung up on me, and wouldn't answer when I tried to call him.

I value your opinion - and am going to try very, very hard to move past this relationship. I know you know the walk, well.

on a brighter note.....how are you and your honey?? I'm happy for you.
Thank you for writing in.

Thanks to you also Kay....and I'm sorry for your situation.

I like to think there's a bigger plan. So hard to see in the pain time.

So much digs up old feelings of x and OW. It's all flooding back.

Thank you

Well maybe that's for the better, who knows. 2 1/2 years is a very long time to spend with someone, but as others said, better to find out now than after the know is tied. It just sucks that people don't have the balls to break up anymore, but just start playing the "distant" game while rounding up new prospects. Really sad.

You will heal from this eventually, and will be able to get past it, but as you said, it's going to be hard. But you'll get there.


Thanks, we're very happy. Just had our first wedding anniversary this past summer, how time flies!


AGG

You waited a long time and you deserve every happiness that comes your way.

You show me hope AGG.
Happy Belated Anniversary

K

Thanks K!

There is indeed hope, even though it probably doesn't seem like it right after a breakup. But you'll find the right guy sooner or later! In the meantime just try to heal and move on as best you can.

AGG

Hi Karona!

Amazing how I only pop in once in a blue moon and here you are. I'm so sorry for such an update

You did the absolute right thing. What's wrong with people these days??? I'm so sorry. I know you are hurting.

What I find interesting is he's disloyal and cheating but refuses YOUR calls. Okaaaayyy. Classic deflection.

He will try to turn it around on you. Make it how you betrayed HIS trust by looking in his phone blah blah BS blah blah.

You know the classic behavior. Don't buy it for a minute. I find myself actually pissed off for you. I just don't have time or the patience for such crap anymore.

Again, I'm so sorry

So great to hear from you DW!

How are you? So happy for your that you remarried and hope things are going great!

Oh yes, major invasion of his privacy. He would be MAD, MAD to know I did that. Guess it only makes sense, since he had something to hide.

Feel like I've been with a stranger, someone that I didn't really know afterall.

Thanks for popping in DW!

Ditto, me too!

Sorry Kay

Things are going very well Karona We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary in Hawaii this summer. Awesome doesn't begin to describe it.

Thinking of you today

What a place to celebrate your first year. Hawaii is amazingly beautiful.

Thank you for your thoughts.
I'm still struggling, week one down. Have had zero contact.

Again, very happy for you DW!

Congrats DW!!

AGG

Thanks AGG! Happy Belated Anniversary to you too!

Stay strong. As difficult as it is, it's for the best

I'm curious, have you have no contact since you initially discovered the texts, or did you guys ever talk and end things formally?

There was no talk after I found the texts. No closure.

I probably handled it all wrong. I wanted out of his house when I discovered the texts. I left while he was sleeping. He called while I was driving. I didn't want to go into detail until I got home. What I said on the phone was that I didn't see a spot for me in his life. I told him I would call him, he hung up. I tried to call 2X after I got home, he didn't answer.

There was no fight, no formal ending.
I feel like I've spent two years of my life with a complete stranger. Not a good feeling.

Do wonder what the heck he must think happened???

He knows EXACTLY what happened, but sounds like he doesn't want to face it. Waywards have such talent in twisting things around and somehow making it YOUR fault . Deflect deflect deflect.

Sure, you could have handled it better, but the bottom line is he was in a committed relationship with you and he was texting inappropriately and possibly having an inappropriate relationship w/ another woman. Makes him a big fat cheat in my eyes. HE chose that route instead of being honest with you and now that he's been caught, somehow the way you broke up with him was wrong. PUH-LEAZE

I'm sorry you didn't get closure. That makes an already difficult sitch even more so. Maybe after a little more time and distance, you can e-mail him and say what you didn't get to, with no expectations on your part of any response or apology

It doesn't much matter if you could have handled things better or not...it would have been a temporary reprieve at best, he wasn't respecting you and didn't care to put forth the effort to make things work...that's not relationship material.

K,

Let's face it, if he really cared about you and really did not know why you left in a hurry, he would have been contacting you non-stop to try to understand why you left.

The fact that he hasn't done this tells you quite clearly that he knew exactly why you left, and it had nothing to do with you.

AGG