THIS is not the MB philosophy. MANY adulterers here HAVE changed. THE MARRIAGE is worth fighting for despite the fact that the wayward isn't.

You're comparing a 4 month relationship of an 'amazing' connection and fantastic sex, with a 12 year marriage?!?! Really?

No one is saying your girlfriend CAN'T change. What they ARE saying is that as she is RIGHT NOW is someone unsafe for you and the relationship creates a distraction from work she needs to do and pain for you.

This is what happens when you commit too early, without discrimination.

Vibrissa,

Thanks for your advice. I am actually very familiar with the MB concepts. I've been lurking here for over 10 years, I've read two of Harley's books and participated in his radio show on one occasion.

I will, however, refrain from contaminating others' threads with my bitter rants. Thank you for that suggestion.

-HappyHiker

Your posts don't demonstrate that knowledge or you'd realize that infidelity IN MARRIAGE is surmountable.

Unless you were using the opportunity to make a stab at the forum and the advice you've been given to leave your girlfriend. In which case, using the poor man and his's wife's terrible situation as a chance to get on your own soap box is despicable. There is a man in real pain as is the woman who he has hurt. MB provides a path to recovery. How dare you use their suffering as a method to push your own agenda. But whatever.

Vibrissa,

It was a stab at the forum and the advice I have received here.

However, I recognize this forum is not to blame. My gf is to blame for her affair and her lies. And I am to blame for trusting her and not having the will or the desire to get out.

I have apologized to the OP.

-HappyHiker

Good luck HH!
I think the work many of us betrayed people have to do is to figure out why we attract lairs and cheaters and work on ourselves so we no longer have to deal with them.
There are honest people out there who would not cheat or lie and those are the ones we want in our love life.
blessing

Well, I wish you'd spend some more time on the After Divorce Dating board, we'd set you straight real good .

That aside, you do not need to become bitter or distrustful. You need to learn to become attracted to the right people, and vice versa. I have spent several of my initital post-divorce years dating the wrong people, until I got beat up enough to ask myself why I attracted those kind of people, and why I was attracted to them. And believe it or not, I learned to stop that pattern, and learned to value and be attracted to things like stability, normalcy and calm, over excitement, wildness, and drama. And my subsequent relationship improved tremendously as a result.

I am not saying that you should look for the same things as I did, I am just saying that it's important to understand what you really want in a partner, and then look for that person, as opposed to being attracted to the wrong things. As they say, opposites attract, but they are rarely good for you in the longterm.

AGG

Well you have been given a gift my friend. Should you try and build a relationship with this women then don't come back crying about an affair she had because she will have them.

It is in her makeup. It is what she does it is what she knows. I am sure she has cheated in every relationship she has had.

Those of us who have had a spouse that did that to us would have loved to know it ahead of time. Before all of the kids and all of the wasted years. You have been given a gift and you should take it.


Well you do have evidence that she will cheat again because that is what she does. It does not make you a bad person it makes her a bad person. Some women need the thrill or need the attention of other men to validate their attractiveness. It happens and there is something broke inside of them.

What you choose to do now will decide how much drama you are going to have in your life. Good luck.