My first marriage ended when my ex-wife, and the mother of my two children, decided she was tired of being a mother and wife. She packed up and moved into her own apartment (which I paid for),leaving me with a 4 and 7-year-old to take care of on my own.

My wife's first marraige ended when her ex-husband moved in his girlfriend and later married her.

All,

Thank you for the advice. So far it is along the same lines as what I received from friends and professionals alike.

Melodrama aside, I do love my wife -- very much. I do not know why I do the things that I do, but I am seeking professional help. I have begun therapy, visited with my preist and joineda support group. I am also reading "Every Man's Battle." I have a long list of books I want to read to try to get better and hopefully my wife will give me another chance.

Mr. Anderson, you are right, I have an addiction. My therapist agrees that that is what this is and I am currently feeling the effects of withdrawal. I am determined, however, to get through this recovery because I have been dealing with these demons since I was a kid. I just want to be able to interact with society free of an overpowering sexual desire.

Again, thank you to all. The harsh posts as well as the encouraging ones are ALL helpful. I will keep you posted on my progress.

You have chosen the best path: self recovery.
If you are not happy with yourself, in time, even if your W agrees to be with you, you will be miserable again and your M doomed.
It is hard work. Have you considered a 12 step program?
blessing

I am in a faith-based program. It is similar to 12-step programs but is more atuned to Christian men. It has a component for wives as well. I gave my wife the info, but it is up to her if she decides to do anything with it. I hope she does.

Your wife might be skeptical for a while but if you keep up your good work I am sure she will see the changes in you.
I am told that once we change everything changes. Till then, nothing will really be different but a repetition of the past disguised in something new.
blessing

It has been over a week since the last time I spoke with or saw my wife. I am trying to respect her wishes of not contacting her. It has been the most difficult week of my life. In that time I have made a commitment to myslef to become the best me I can, to stop my destructive Internet behaviors, and keep myself as busy as possible.

The ache in my heart is constant. I miss her so much there are times I am not sure I can, or want to go on. Am I being overly melodramatic? I don't think so. It is how I feel.

What you feel is normal and it is aquivalent to experiencing the death of a loved one.
Loss brings pain and for now you need to feel the pain and accept it, the more you try to deny it the more it will grow.
It is too early to tell so you can still R the M. But you also have to realize that it might be over. It is painful, so very painful. Post on this forum and vent as much as you want.
Unfortunately, just this week end, 2 of my relatives and one good friend just found out their spouses are cheating. One cousin has been married 37 years and her H was in an A with his co-worker for 2 years. SHe just found out.
A friend found out her H was dating multiple W thru FB and since they live apart given he works for a foreign company, he seems to have been dating several different women for years. The other relative is a young girls whose H is in the sports field and has now found an athlete woman he fell in love with consequently kicking my relative to the curb after not even a year of M.
SAd, very sad. I do not know what is going on in this world but literally things seem to be falling apart at a pretty steady rate.
You are not alone and you will survive this.
blessing

Actually had a pretty good day yesterday. Work was challenging and allowed me to forget some of my troubles and concentrate on it. I also had a "date" with my daughter for a movie last night that I was looking forward to.

It was only when I got back to where I am staying that things welled up on me again. It seems to be the worst at certain times of the day -- like bedtime and first thing in the morning and, oddly enough, when I am driving somewhere.

I am working hard to fix myself, attending group 2-3 times a week and seeing a councilor weekly. I am reading as much as I can on how to reapir what I have broken and trying to take the advice offered in each.

The hardest part has been the absolute lack of contact. I really miss seeing and talking to her. But, I have not initiated any contact at ll in nearly two weeks. Nor has she.

Well, on the heels of a good day, came another bad one. Yesterday marked the third week we have been seperated and tomorrow will be two weeks since we last communicated in any way.

I was plagued by flashbacks and memories all day yesterday. Memories of happy times with my wife that I am afraid will never happen again. Then, last night, the dreams came. Dreams of her with another man that seemed so real I could not tell they were a dream. Needless to say, I did not sleep much.

But, I am dedicated to making the changes I need in myself. I am resigned to the fact that it may take a long time for her to come back -- if it all.

I will continue to fight for my sobriety and for my marriage. These two things are the main focus of my life right now and that will not chnage.

sounds like a good plan.
It is painful, I know, and you miss your W, but as you are now she will not be happy and neither would you.
You have to go thru a profound change and maybe she will see it and come back.
But for now, her coming back is not the issue and actually if she were to forgive you, right now it would do you no good because it would stall you from your own personal recovery.
Blessing

Atena,

You are probably right. If she forgave me and took me back now I would probably slip back into my old ways eventually. I need to get myself fixed, or well on my way to being fixed, first.

I am working on that diligently, attending group sessions 2-3 times a week and going to my councilor (got great news that my co-pay to see him is VERY affordable).

I WILL beat this and win her back. I WILL!!!

If I was in your wife�s shoes, I�d walk away and never look back. Seriously, after being the victim of infidelity once, I would be a lot less forgiving a second time and would be grateful to not have any kids with the person who cheated if it happened again.

There would be an off switch to my feelings for that person and there would be no switching it back on.

So your wife�s reaction is not surprising. You could start floating in air and have a halo and run around performing miracles after your reformation, but I wouldn�t care. I�d find someone else I wouldn�t need to reform or I�d simply write off women from my life altogether.

I�m only telling you where she might be coming from and what her state of mind is.

And the fact that she�s the center of your universe rings hollow when you�re trolling for sex on the internet. Doesn�t make sense. Reform yourself and fix your own life, but your wife is gone and I�d advise her to never return to you if I was one of her friends. As I heard the other day, �Why cry over fish in the sea?�