Hi Lizzie,<P>I believe my H would admit it was a midlife crisis too. He was 41 when affair happened. He has been in agony since ending it in early 1998 about whether to divorce me and find the "ideal" mate!! Admits that he feels like he is going through a second adolescence, and that perhaps he is acting like a baby. Tells me he loves me everyday, as a family we are functioning better than ever, yet he cries and is so confused! Earlier this week I got fed up and told him to leave. He cried and would not. We have finally this week been communicating better and I understand that this crisis has nothing much to do with me. He even tells me that there is nothing I can change in myself to make it better. He says I am a sterling person. So this morning when he asked how I was doing I said the following:<P>I finally understand that these are *your* monkeys and you need to get them off *your* back by yourself. I have optimism that our marriage can survive, but the thought of divorcing no longer sends me into a panic. THe kids have finally been told that mom and dad are having some problems, are going to see a counselor and they did not fall apart, so at least if we do separate, it will not be a total bombshell to them. I am beginning to see some of the positive side of a new life for myself. And it is very clear to me that if we do divorce, we must go entirely in separate directions. Trying to stay friends in frequent contact will be confusing to the kids, perhaps also to my H, and will hold be back from following my new path.<P>I think he was partly relieved to hear this and also very surprised. He told me he loved me and asked for a kiss. We left on loving terms as we always have for the past 1.5 years. I really feel more and more like I have 4 children instead of 3. <P>But we start with a counselor together next week so at least we are moving forward.<P>I'd love to hear more of your details, like how long his crisis lasted, did he pop out of all of a sudden or gradually?<P>Love, <BR>Ellen