There is a lot of truth in what you have written Kay.
I keep telling myself that he was not respecting me in his actions. I keep replaying scenarios, funny how my heart isn't listening. I remember all too well, no shortcuts to this time.

You've always been the honest one AGG. I do appreciate it, doesn't make it hurt less though.

DW ~ I can feel your anger in your post. Thank you for the support.

I know I'm not good at expressing it, but I do feel for you. I know it totally sucks to have trust in someone, and then having it betrayed. And after two years, such a betrayal does indeed make you wonder if you knew the person, and you feel robbed.

You deserve so much better K, you are a good woman with a lot to offer, and it makes me angry too to see someone take advantage of that. I don't know why people insist on playing these games with others' hearts. I hope you find closure somehow and start getting over the hurt, but I know it takes time. I'm sorry.

AGG

So.....last night I received an email.
This is what he had to say.........


K,
Sorry we are where we are, sorry you feel the way you feel. I wish you only the best. I hope you find peace and happiness and if I can ever help you or your girls, I would be glad to do all I can do.

g

Now....to reply....and what to say??

Interesting.. One thing I don't see is "sorry about MY actions"... This "sorry you feel the way you feel" stuff is BS, it's basically saying that he's sorry that you left him for no apparent reason. But hey, he's here to help you with the girls any time you need...

How to respond? I dunno K, I don't have much feel for how close your relationship was, if you were talking marriage, etc... But in any case, I'd keep the response short and make it extremely clear that the reason you feel the way you do is due only to his actions. Maybe something like this:

"g, Thanks for the kind words. What I wanted to tell you when I called was that I will not be in a relationship with someone who is involved with another person. Since you are involved with bimbo [here you can put some specifics of what you know, 'e.g. "since you can't wait to get your hands on her", or whatever], you left me no choice but to leave. Again, thanks for your words, but I'll be fine. K"

I know this sounds cold, but I don't see the point of much talk, especially with him playing the "innocent me" character. Now, what you do when he comes back with "you are crazy, bimbo and I are just friends" will depend on the specifics of what you saw in his texts.

AGG

ohhhh, I couldn't agree more! I know that's what people are supposed to say, but not when THEY'RE WRONG!! This culture is so messed up.
The last time I heard that I had confronted OM#(insert number here) in a bar surrounded by all his slimy friends. I said "you have a lot of Fing nerve talking to a married woman about her marriage." His response: "I'm sorry you feel that way." I wish I would have busted him right in the mouth then and there. Of course it would have complicated matters considerably, but he certainly deserved it.

Anyway, K.
I differ with my friend AGG on this. I'd ignore the email. You're essentially in a dark, permanent plan B aren't you? I know it's difficult, but I'd say just move on. Any response will elicit another response from him, now you have a conversation and he's right back in your life. You've already decided he's not worth your effort, so to me that means he doesn't deserve anything else from you, even a response to some lame-brained e-mail. "If I can help your girls?" GMAB. You never needed him to help you and your girls. You needed him to not be a liar.

opt

Karona,
My heart really goes out to you, breaking up just flat out sucks. NO fun!

Personally, I don't see anything to reply to. He didn't own responsibility for his actions. It sounds like he's trying to get back into your good graces the cheap way. Let it go. You are worth so much more! You were completely invested, he wasn't. Gosh why is it easier to tell someone else this stuff than it is to heed it myself? Oh well, at least my X isn't contacting me so I don't have to worry about it.

Okay....just getting home from work and reading your thoughts MB friends.

I did actually reply....

"g,

I am very sorry too. And sorry that you weren't honest when I have asked if there was someone else. (yes, I know)
You have told me more than once you would never do that to someone because it had been done to you....yet here we are.

K"

and his reply...

"K,
You are wrong! There is no one else and their hasn't been anyone else. Sounds like you and M (his brother's gf) are smoking the same dope".


At this point, I think I will heed to the advice and not respond again. Is there really anything left to say? I read what I read.

I do have closure, sucks so bad. Now I hope I can move on and see it for what it is one day.

K

Alrighty then.

*deep breath*

Well, you can respond with what you saw exactly in the texts but no point to it really like you said. He'll continue to deny and be disrespectful.

I'm so sorry you were deceived in this person.

You might want to go so far as to block his email addy.

Kaycstamper, I'm sorry I don't know your story but felt compelled to send this your way

Yeah, I figure he's ticked and things will only get uglier should I respond.

No sense feeding a dragon.

I know who I am, I know now who he is.

I need to keep reminding myself several actions of his recently. Hurtful, but telling.

Deep Breath's for sure.

K

You were spot on Opt.
I can relate to your story of the lady friend. They just don't get it do they?!
Funny how small my town is....this girls husband works with my XH. Apparently, this chicks marriage is on the rocks. Can you even imagine??? Disgusting, but I know I see the signs.

K

Yep, as predicted. No need to respond to this any longer, he'll just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. He probably actually believes his own words, as cheaters never think they actually cheat, there's always some excuse/rationalization/explanation/etc.. Just walk away K.

AGG

I wouldn't waste my breath on him, he's dishonest so he's not going to own his actions. I know it hurts, but you're smarter and better than him so you'll be okay with time.

Thanks KayC
didn't respond to his email. Not trying to play games, just don't see the point.

On my way home from work today, he sent a text message that says he put my stuff on my porch today. There's a bar of soap in one shoe (WTF?) and said, You are still wrong.

Again, don't see a point in responding.

Now I ask...do I return the gifts of jewelry to him? What is the right thing to do?

Well, in some ways. But, you have gotten closer to some sort of closure. And he sure is removing any doubt that you made the right decision to get him in the rearview mirror.

Honestly I can't imagine some of his responses. I guess that comes along with the entitlement he must be feeling, the one all waywards get when they have more than one "relationship" going on.

I'd block his text messages. You can do that with your phone company probably, I had to call Sprint to figure out how to do it but I'm not the techy anymore.

I wouldn't give it back. It was a gift to you. Now it's yours. But I would get rid of it. It's got bad energy on it. My ex moved out in April. I got rid of a lot of stuff she didn't take with her, bad energy. Had the house 'cleared,' too. I am even having a hard time justifying selling some of this stuff that has value. I feel like the profits I might get from it would also have the bad energy. I might just take what's left to Salvation Army. Weird? Maybe. But I bet I'm not the only BS who feels similar.

Opt

That's just silly. As long as you don't get a dead fish on your porch, you should be fine


No point.


I wouldn't return them, they were gifts, so now they're yours. I'd feel funny about something like a wedding ring, because it would have lost its meaning, but regular jewelry is a different thing, I'd keep it.

AGG

Good Point Opti. I have wondered if I could exchange it back to the store for earrings. That seems to be the extent of my jewelry wearing these days. I know I won't wear the necklaces, just seems
'wrong'.

I think the way you (we) feel is that maybe it helps the closure process, removing these reminders that are around us.

Geez, and to think a felt a smidge better today.

Thanks for your thoughts.
K

Checked the other shoe...no fish!

Maybe he's trying to open communication, more likely, to get me talking to tell him why I think what I think.

I actually did reply with a Thank you. I felt wrong to ignore it.

AGG, you've got to be so very glad to be past this part of your life. UGH!

I am glad of that. But I also think that I am permanently damaged, or maybe tainted, by my own experiences and by what I saw and continue to see on these boards. I am no longer that innocent or perhaps naive guy who assumes that once you say "I do", that the hard work is done. If anything, I never want to be betrayed again, so I want to work my a$$ off to make sure that my wifey would never want to betray me. I guess I believe in Harley statement that ANYONE can have an affair under some circumstances. I know we all say "not me!", but who knows anymore.

So I am glad to be past dating and dealing with this crap, but it doesn't mean the work is over, it's time to work on maintaining a great marriage. Which is different from dating, where if it does not work, you can just walk away from it. I feel like I am rambling, sorry.

AGG