I'm asking for some help in my recovery process, I have forgiven my husband for his affair and I am trying to move on with my marriage.......
He is doing everything that is right now and he is saying all the right things and being very attentive.
My problem seems to be what all this has done to me........I don't feel like the same person and I don't like that, I am a logical person and I understand all the facts of the situation and everything that lead me here.
But I don't know how to get back to who I was and how to get back to being confident in "Me" does anyone else understand this and what did you do......I'm almost a year from finding out about the affair, and 7 months into working things out with my husband......
I finally have the husband I have always wanted and yet somehow something is wrong, I love him and I am happy with us..........it's me that seems to be a miss now........is this normal.......I'm seeing a therapist and he thinks I see things the right way and that it's just a choice but why isn't that happening for me......
It's like I feel stuck.........Maybe it's just to unbelieveable to me that my husband would still chose me after he had an affair, it seems like an extreme way of telling someone that they don't want you.....do you think this is what might be happening to me.......any WS see this kind of thing from their BS?
Looking for tips and experiences from the vets who have already been where I am at........I feel like I am pretending somehow, even though I know we are good now.........
Don't like the feeling and want to resolve it......I know I sound crazy.........this is such a great place I just thought maybe, someone probably has been here as well

BTDT. The truth is you aren't the same person and you'll never be the same person again. You had a major trauma in your life and you are forever changed. This (the change) isn't necessarily a bad thing.

The thing is, you don't have the same blind trust that you had Pre-Affair, and you shouldn't.

Another thing is that the affair is still on your mind on a daily basis which is not unusal. Eventually (years) it will become more distant in your mind, although it will never go completely away.

You might start telling yourself that you ALSO chose your H. You could have just as easily said, "see ya" once you found out about the affair. He is a lucky man that you were willing to forgive and recover your marriage. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't be the husband you have "always wanted."

Time. Is. What. You. Need. It will come.

In the meantime, remember that you are a wonderful, beautiful woman who deserves a husband who treats her with love and respect and that your husband is a lucky man to have you.

I am the WW and my BH sounds very much like you. He tends to see everything as a reflection of himself. In sports, the other guy never just wins, he loses. Someone doesn't have a great shot, he just has a bad block. In relationships if someone does something he doesn't like it must be because they don't love and or respect him.

Since he is like this with everyday things, I can only imagine the pain he must be in because of my affair. It wasn't about him...really. Sure there were things in our marriage that aren't right BUT there are a multitude of ways I could have handled that. The affair was entirely about me, my lack of boundaries, my inability to face truths about myself.

Your DH's affair is the same. It is about who he is (or hopefully was) not who you are. He wasn't telling you he didn't want you, he was avoiding conflict and having his cake. It was all about him.

No matter what he does or doesn't do, you are still a good person. Each day when you wake up, you choose each other. If someday, that doesn't happen, that doesn't mean the other days were wasted or you did something wrong.

Everyone is a child of God and deserves to be treated as such.

Good luck