not too embarrassing; just said "vacay without him fun but weird" and that he was "kinda missed". That was it.
I just don't like displaying any vulnerability to him.

So drunk texting did not have words like "lowlife", "scum of earth", "insert here", or my favorite "beastiality" teehee

I didn't see the response until hope commented.

I guess it wasn't too bad. Maybe next time you are gonna get "wasted" you should give your phone to someone you trust not to give it to you. that way you won't do something you regret when you sober up.

Well, have been super busy at work which is helping to keep my mind off of the "D"; it is in a week.
Being busy isn't really helping and I have been teary at least once a day.
I still feel shocked that it has actually come to this point. I also feel as though I caved in to the D and maybe shouldn't have. I don't know anymore, I am just tired of all of it. It has been a long and hard year; and the hardest part is coming up.

Any insight on getting through the holidays and getting through the D?

(((((Mymissy)))))

I want to say that you have done exceptionally well. Your WH is still walking around without 2 broken legs. He did some pretty hurtful things to you and you survived. Not only that, you are learning how to THRIVE. One step at a time.

I am sad for you, but I am also excited. I KNOW that you will do AMAZING things. Thank you for your story and your support. You are AMAZING.

As for the holidays, is there somewhere that you could volunteer? It really makes you feel WONDERFUL to give back.

Thinking of you often.

Thanks Scotty, I often don't feel amazing; but your are right I have survived and am starting to thrive again. It has been a long and brutal year. And now the countdown to the D is just days.

I have started to truly soul search about what I want in this life and the way my life really was. I think I romanticized my marriage. I am looking back now and not seeing a marriage that was an equal partnership, it was not about sharing lives. It started out that way, but somehow evolved into his life.
I feel cheated that I gave him my heart and almost 13 years of my life.
Why is it that we can look at someone else and figure it out; but we can't look at our own and see what is right in front of our face?
I would have still preferred to somehow recapture what we had in the early years instead of the nightmare it all became. But I am not sure that is a reality. Now I think I am starting to resign myself to just healing and finding myself back.
It is still sad and so very hard.

Thanks again Scotty for all your wonderful support.

I was paying back all of the support I myself had received from all of the other wonderful posters here.

You too supported me and for that I am grateful. You are an amazing person. You gave with your heart.

Isn't it funny looking back? You see a lot of the horrible things that happened. Don't forget the good parts too. Not just the good things that your WH may have done, but who YOU WERE. The fact that you put your heart into your marriage. Don't EVER be ashamed of that. Did it work out? Nope, but not because of YOU.

Now, take some time to learn about who YOU are and who YOU want to be. You are AMAZING. Someone I look up to and someone I am PROUD to call FRIEND.

Well, the D is final. No words were spoken in court to each other, no glances exchanged. When it was over (10 minutes) he hung his head and walked away.
At least he didn't bring POSOW; he looks sad and haggard.
All I can think is what a sad waste; if only he would have embraced counseling with SH. I think the M could have been recovered and been great - better than before. But he raced to this ending with blinders on.

Now he is is more in debt, supporting her and the 3 children. According to OW H, his son states that EX H spends all evening outside in his shop and doesn't come in the house until its time to take a shower and go to bed. So basically it is the same $hi!, different yard. But so many lives destroyed to get there.

I seem to be the only adult who is coming out of this mess unscathed financially; certainly not emotionally.
Now I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other; its hard, I still want the old person I fell in love with back.

I feel lost in my life except for career....

(((((( HUGS ))))))

((((Hugs)))) from me, too.

I'm sorry MM. You are right about being the only adult in this situation. It is a sad waste.

My Missy,

I did not have to go to court for the D decree because of the mediation but when I received my D decree in the mail my heart fell to the floor to see it in writing.

Like you I am in much better shape financially than XH and he is in the throes of bankruptcy.

Most M could be recovered successfully but these waywards have to prove that this is their right path even though it is a path to destruction. They cannot cover their sins no matter how much they think they are entitled and this is the reason most of them never prosper.

I know it hurts, we understand it here. You are an intelligent, beautiful woman and you need to remind yourself everyday of this.

Blessings.

I am very sorry for the loss of your marriage MM. I am very inspired and hopeful that your life will be so much more than you can dream it can be, bc of the struggles you have overcome and strength and courage you have shown.

Allow yourself time to go through the five stages of loss, you will come out the other side ok. More than ok as you are already a beacon of light and hope on this board!

ba

This is your beginning, mm.

I read the part about your EXH staying out in his shop until bedtime. How depressing to have that in your life! Keep that visual in your head when you're tempted to look back at the old days.

Thanks guys,
When I do look back - it really wasn't a great marriage (I thought it was). It became about him and his life. I got tired of always waiting around for him to be done with "his stuff" and when I decided to go back for my graduate degree, he became unhappy.

Your right though, the doors are all wide open!

I still believe in MB's and the potential to make any relationship what it should be.

(((Mymissy)))

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you.

Thanks Scotty!!
I have been thinking of what you said for the Holidays; since my job is doing much of that already I have decided to adopt a second rescue dog and will be helping out with the local ASPCA to find homes for other dogs.
That and my job should keep me super busy.
The kids have decided to spend Thanksgiving with me and my family, since that is what they were used to doing. I am taking my DstepD shopping for X-mas in mid December and we will have an entire day together.
I am going to give the kids the option of spending X-mas eve with me but don't want them to feel like they have to choose or let anyone down. I will let them decide when we spend X-mas together; should they choose another time/day that is OK.
They just need to know that someone is always there for them.

Thanks for the good thoughts!

I am so glad to hear that you have some GREAT plans for the holidays. Your DStepC are very lucky to have had you come into their lives.

You are a SPECTACULAR person and I am better by just knowing you.

Hey all,
Just wanted to check in and let everyone know its been an OK Thanksgiving.
The kids spent the first half of the day with me and my family; it was good to spend some time with them and we have made plans to get back to our weekly dinners until xmas break.

Its lonely and I miss the companionship and friendship I had in the M; but I am beginning to not miss the M itself. I can say that I still feel bitter and angry; but it is starting to ease in the intensity. I would like to say that I am healing but it is too soon for that, I am trying though.

So, I have survived the first major holiday.

I hope everyone here has had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving holiday!!

Mymissy, BUT you ARE healing. You aren't healed yet, but it is a process. As long as you are moving forward, even a baby step at a time, you are doing the right thing. Of course it is going to take time and some days will be harder than others. You are simply amazing.

I am glad that you are going to get back those weekly dinners with the step kiddos. They need ONE stable person in their life. Again, they are lucky that you came into their lives.

Well.....I guess I have taken the next baby step and went out on a date. He was very nice and attractive; however I feel an overwhelming lack of enthusiasm and ambivalence.
I still feel sad and lost; and I feel as though I am getting angrier. Maybe that is a good thing, I guess I am finally starting to move through those darn stages.
I am not sure I am ready for the dating thing; occasional might not be so bad. But it seems as though others are looking for a relationship; I am definitely not ready for that.
How sad is it when you enjoy sitting at home with dog more than going out; I miss the comfort.
Any advice???