While my husband and I have always love each other and wonderful bed room life. His drinking lead to one big problem. He started hanging out with a new guy friend from work and getting drunk together. Then the guy introduced him to his girlfriend's friend. I'm not sure if all the details were true but it all lead to the same fact he started sleeping with her. At first I thought he was staying at the guys house but found out later that was wrong. He would come home for a week then leave a week. By the end of 3 months it had been hell, I had found myself in trouble with the law. Cause I went off on the girl more than once. But every time he got drunk he would start a fight to go be with her and when he became sober he wanted to come home. FInally I had enough and just told him that after court it was just over he had to go. Then he decided to go into rehab. But I find myself asking is it the drinking that cause teh hole mess? i love my husband and he loves me and says he sorry that she means nothing and that he would never would done it if hadn't been drinking.

He would need to quit drinking

Write a NC letter to this OW

He can not hang out with this "friend" any more, that friend is a threat to your marriage. He would have to go NC with him as well

Transparency no secret emails, texts, FB, etc you need all access any time any where.

Expose this affair to everyone, affairs thrive on secrecy and if everyone knows then he will have to start taking responsibility on what he did. That will wake him up.

Counsel with the Harley's

Read Surviving an Affair

Spend 20 Hours of UA time (Undivided attention) per week

Start there if he wont do those things I've mentioned then you are in a false recovery.

Wrong! He made a "conscious" (so to speak) choice to commit adultery. He can't blame drinking when he did it more than once.

MB methods will not work with an active alcoholic.

Why did you have to go to court?

When my XH started his A, I thought he had the A first and then began drinking but it was the opposite.

He started drinking after 15 years of sobriety, and was bombed when the A started. The conscious choice was to pick up the drink knowing that it would lead to the A.

Well XH is still drinking heavily and with the OW more than 2 years and she is a drunk also.

When they are dual addicted it is a real challenge but not impossible.

That's true Hope-- the choice started with picking up the drink. My DH's whole deal started when he started drinking (after being sober for a long, long time) and going out without me. I guess I should have said Plan A won't work on an active alcoholic. Plan B is a godsend in that case.

The truth is that he did CHOOSE to do it. The alcohol did not make him do it and he is still 100% responsible for his choices.

Has he stopped drinking and stopped hanging out with losers? Entered a program of recovery for his alcoholism?

Has he ended all contact with the OW?

Being in rehab they teach about getting rid of the bad people. He knows in order for us to work friends and family will have to go. We have both changed our numbers the night before court. I had go to court on reaching for my husband due to the OW making out I was trying to hurt him. She was able to keep us apart for a week due to the DV charges, he was to drunk to speak up. And after that if I was to ever come around her, she was trying have me put in jail. I know now it be when he comes home from rehab if he means what he says. They have told him, he's bipolar and if he treats that problem it will keep him from having a relapse. And yes I notice that when he cheated his drinking became uncontrolable. And the OW lived the same life style he was use to before me but in her case she popped pills. I want this to work but I now have my limits, I will not fall to his level nor will I find myself in trouble again over him.

Are the four kids you have his kids or from a previous marriage?

This drama is putting them through he77.