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Originally Posted by Mark1952
...That pretty much means that the goal for Plan A is to simply out-affair the affair partner and "win" the WS back.

Of course it is usually the case that the BS wants to "fix" the marriage, normally based on the "problems" the WS has enumerated as part of their justification process and instead of being more attractive to the WS we end up being less so because all we ever do is discuss the affair and try to solve hard problems, that may not even have any bearing on the root cause of the affair...

I really like this. So the goal is to not fix anything. I need to give that loving feeling...



Plan A is the answer.
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Baby (baby), baby (baby),
I beg of you please...please,
I need your love (I need your love),
I need your love (I need your love),
So bring it on back (Cause I'm using PA),
Bring it on back (Cause I'm using PA).

I could of swore I heard this in the lyrics rotflmao




Last edited by clark_kent; 09/30/10 09:26 PM.
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nice! clap


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Why is that the best intentions tun out to crap. Am I really committed.

ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: My pain is bigger than your pain
HER: No my pain is bigger than yours
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: My pain is bigger than your pain
HER: No my pain is bigger than yours
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: My pain is bigger than your pain
HER: No my pain is bigger than yours
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: My pain is bigger than your pain
HER: No my pain is bigger than yours
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: My pain is bigger than your pain
HER: No my pain is bigger than yours

Me: Can we try not rehash old stuff?
Her: Yeah

ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff
ME: rehash old stuff
HER: rehash old stuff



We sound like a broken record. I want to give. but I'm afraid that I'm going to fail. Am what I'm doing going to be good enough. I don't want to quit. I don't want to fail twice. God thank you for today.

I read Neaks story and I want to cry seeing the strength. Knowing that is what commitment is. I wonder to myself. Am I committed. Do I have Anything else to give.

I'm hurting. It hurts

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Assesing Me

Daily Can Do (CDs)

  1. Make changes to yourself that show the WS what you can be and what is possible.
  2. Make all contact with the BS, a safe place for the WS to be and a better contact than the A.
  3. Exhibit care, compassion and concern for WS's well being.
  4. Make deposits in the Love Bank.
  5. Protect your and family finances as much as is legally possible.


Daily Not Do (NDs)

  1. Discuss the state of the relationship and expect a commitment from the WS.
  2. Do Not Love Bust.
    • Selfish Demands
    • Disrespectful Judgments
    • Angry Outbursts
    • Annoying Habits
    • Independent Behavior
    • Dishonesty
  3. Trust the WS to tell the truth about anything.
  4. Threaten permanent separation unless you wish to end the relationship.
  5. Make threats, attempt to coerce or belittle the WS.
  6. Attempt to implement any MB practice or principal other than unilaterally. You can't make him/her do what is right while they are wayward.
  7. Simply sit around, worry about the relationship and wallow in pity for yourself. (Do something with the kids and ask WS to join you or go out with friends)
  8. Beg, plead or cry to the WS.

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Clark,

You are not married to this woman. There is no committment therefore no affair. You have a child...

Know this: She is cheating on you as your girlfriend BEFORE you are married. So you need to rethink being with her. At all.

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@Bubbles4U -

I want to thank you for your kind words and advice.

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You are not married to this woman.

True

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There is no committment therefore no affair.

Au contraire. There was an affair. Exposing to the OM WIFE has worked to my satisfaction of putting pressure on the affair.

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You have a child...
So to address the commitment part of your previous statement, I would say that shared parenting wither married, in a relationship, divorced, or out out of a relationship is a commitment that will be there forever for both of us. I do not believe that there is any rational person that would not believe our son would be better off with both parents in a loving and caring relationship than in a strained and divided relationship.

My purpose for being here, is to create a relationship with XGF that creates a loving and caring relationship for us and our son. Even if it means that the relationship is just friends. To me this is the purpose of MBs; to create and maintain loving and caring relationships no matter what state the marital status ends up in.

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So you need to rethink being with her. At all.
'nuff said. See above.


Bubbles4U, I appreciate your hard work and effort in trying to help me with my situation, but I would appreciate that in the future you would refrain from posting on my threads.

Thank you once again for your assistance.

Last edited by clark_kent; 10/02/10 03:02 AM.
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@MelodyLane -

The situation with my XGF is that we are going to try being friends. No talk about relationship stuff. In Plan A to show her if we do get back together how it could be.

The OM showed up early from his away job. he is currently staying with his wife at her parents place. YAHOO! This was yesterday. XGF was pretty upset that I would take the news badly. I Really wasn't.

Exposure worked to some extent, except OM Wife now is blaming this on OM and says that XGF is innocent of doing anything wrong. OM Wife wants to be XGF friend. Some of the things to ingratiate herself to XGF is to say how I'm telling lies (see my original post).

Today XGF told me about OM and his wife were at his place. She then sent SD over to tell him that OM Mom left some cookie dough in his refrigerator and that he needed to take it to his mom(long story about how cookie dough and OM Mom involved with XGF). To me I interpreted this to mean that she is trying to be connected to him. I mean how important was it for the cookie dough to get to OM Mom?

The cookie dough is not really the problem. I understand that there is an addiction here. I'm okay with that. In fact I was hoping that XGF would really try to see OM. I feel that OM wife would really make her feel like a third wheel.

XGF said that when OM and his wife were at his place XGF stayed inside. "Like a hermit." Her own words. She volunteered this information to me. She contacted me soon after SD gave OM the message. It seems that there is some conflict within her. She was extremely irritable with me. Also she explained to me three times, that OM Mom is her friend and that she really needed to get that cookie dough.

I know I can out-friend this OM. I have six years of history with XGF plus we have a child together.

My question is should I tell her that she doesn't have to tell me every time that he is around? I mean we are really only friends.

Or should I leave it as is and just reply, "That's nice."

I really wish she would stop justifying her behavior to me. It seems so defensive. Of course this defensiveness makes me want to point out how her behavior looks to me. My doing this in my opinion is a LB.

What to do?

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I felt that this needed to be done, so I went and did it. I told her that she didn't have to tell me every time that she was in contact with OM. She seemed relieved. I'm hoping that OM wife will make sure that contact will be minimal.

I can't be spending my time worrying about the OM like that and hearing all the defensive things she will say to continue contact with OM. It will all be FogBabble anyway.

Got to fill that Love Bank. The contact with OM stuff, was just Love Busting. I think it's more important to fill without interference with LBs.

I'm working on myself and my friendship with her. In that order.


Last edited by clark_kent; 10/04/10 12:34 AM.

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