...
I have been knowing a colleague for over e yera now and never thought of him as someone I could like,bceause married men are ''off limits'' according to me...I've grown to know him oevr this last year (e-mails, visits to office, text msg)and I kind of like him, but never thought about acting on that..
I 'kinda like' a lot of men that I work with in my job. I 'kinda like' a lot of women, too. Ooohhhh. You mean you kinda
LIKE him. Anita, you are a big girl, right? I mean, you're not just some quivering nerve that is helplessly exposed to stimulation, correct? You've got a brain attached to your neck, I assume. Then you know that married men are OFF LIMITS for romance. You have identified that you will not accept this boundary. You have identified that you do not respect marriage, yourself, or the OM's wife. Why do you have no self-respect? Why would you do such a horrid, life-shattering thing to another woman? Do you realize that some betrayed wives have killed themselves after the A came to light, because of the horrific emotions that they have to deal with? Are you aware that many betrayeds have compared their spouse's A to rape or the death of a child, and have said the affair IS WORSE???? Is the temporary attention of a POS like OM worth the life sentence you are handing down to this woman??
He says his marriage is not good (but I know they all do whan they want to get someone into bed) but I feel trmendous guilt to be caught up in this situation.
Hooo boy, that's a knee-slapper, right there. Yep, every POS married man on the prowl for a little piece of strange has a bad marriage. My H had a 'bad marriage' when he was screwing around with the office secretary/skank. It was funny, in an unfunny way, how his marriage immediately improved the day I learned about the affair and he was begging me not to leave him!
I told him he should sort out his life and then call me if he still likes me. He says he's in love with me, but I am affraid he might be just infatuated and loves the thrill of the chase, i.e. the fact that i did not give in when tempted...
Here's what you're not getting: there's nothing for him to sort out. It's all quite simple for him: he is married and intends to stay that way (or he would have been divorced and out of his 'bad' marriage by now.) He wants a little nooky, and you'll do. Very simple. Nothing to untangle, here.
How do I get out of this mess...I tried to tell him no contact until he sorts himself out, but only lasted for 3 days after which he e-mailed and said he does not understand why can we not have reasonable conversations...
Because he has indicated that he wants to get in your pants. That's when reasonable conversation time is over. Duh, OM.
I said ok, we can have limited contacts as friends, but he should not tell me how he feels or push me to arrange to meet him.....I am just scared that this tactic iw wrong, as conversation leads to emotional bonding...
Darn. Just when I thought you had a lick of sense. NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE CONTACT 'AS FRIENDS' WITH A MARRIED MAN WHO WANTS TO GET IN YOUR PANTS!
Look at your next statement and you'll see why:
It doesn't help that I miss him, too if I don't hear from him for more than a day....
I know it's a stupid, childish mess and it's obvious what's the right thing to do, but it's easier said than done
Anyone been in this situation?
Yeah, just about every wayward has been in your situation, Anita. They typically end up here, trying to save their M after the affair is found out by their spouse. We may get to meet your OM, after you screw around with him and his wife finds out. And she will, Anita. They always do. Then you get the fun of having to apologize to her, which, of course, does absolutely squat toward helping her heal from this terrible, life-destroying thing that you've done to her.
You want to end this? Here's how: block OM from your phone and email. Go through the withdrawal that you'll experience for a day or two.
If you really wanted to be a big girl, I would suggest that you inform OM's wife that you and OM have been involved in an emotional affair, and that he feels he loves you, based on little more than phone calls and text messages (which should tell you just how outlandish his claims of love are.) She needs to be warned so she knows what her husband is up to and she can keep an eye on him. Because you're not the only one he is chasing, Anita. You are NOT SPECIAL.
Make the right deision. You know what that is.
Come here, everyone - big group hug! 
![[Linked Image from millan.net]](http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/grouphugg.gif)
) you could potentially be one of our more important resources on this board. You are bright, articulate and have a sense of right and wrong that will hopefully steer you away from what could be an enormous train-wreck in yours and other people's lives. If you do the right thing, of course. 