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Considering this is a part of the world where killing is common over simply being the wrong ethnic group, I say don�t mess with it.
Feel free to disagree with me if you wish, but I strongly believe that many military members that have been to this part of the world or know anything about it would advise the same.
Life is cheap there. My XH's neice was an Army nurse in Saudi Arabia and she saw a young girl stoned to death for some type of sexual "crime." [I think the girl was found to have had sex before marriage] I wouldn't take the chance of being killed, Anita.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The world is an unsafe place Anita. I'm not real familiar with your area, but if there is a very REAL danger this could be twisted in such a way as your life is in danger I would agree - don't take the chance. I will go and block his number on my phone because I just received a text while I was writing this. At least I can do that without any problem. As for the daily e-mails at work, I still get them, but I don�t reply, nor I intend to.
I might even talk to my Line Manager so that she can give him a call and warn him to stop e-mailing me at work because it disturbs my peace and concentration. I think she�ll understand me and be discreet about it. I would do this immediately. His continued contact with you is unwelcome and constitutes as harassment. Learn from this - communication outside of work from a married man, while seemingly 'innocent' and 'friendly' can easily become inappropriate. You should never have ANY sort of personal, friendly contact with a married man. EVER. You say hi at work and that's where it MUST stop. Is there any way you can alert his wife anonymously that her husband is prowling around for some action?
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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It sounds like in particular you as an Orthodox should try to keep your friendly relationships to men of your own religion/ethnicity, for safety reasons.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It sounds like in particular you as an Orthodox should try to keep your friendly relationships to men of your own religion/ethnicity, for safety reasons. I agree. If I lived in a culture where adultery - or even flirting - could mean a death sentence, I might be motivated to control myself.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am willing to accept that I don't know enough about your culture to advise for or against exposure, though if you had a safe, anonymous way to let her know that he is actively trying to cheat, I hope you would take it.
HOWEVER
Either those continuing texts and emails are meeting an EN for you and you still enjoy them on some level,
or
they truly are a knife in the back, rubbing your nose in your guilt.
Either way, why would you let them continue, knowing that it's wrong? Do whatever you need to do to block them and cut off contact with this guy.
Why wait?
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I was waiting because I thought the messages would stop if I don't encourage them. I see that it's not working, so is NC e-mail such as this one firm enough? Please let me know if i should be adding more/less:
''I have not replied to your e-mails and text messages because I wanted you to stop contacting me.
This is the last message I will ever write to you. Don�t contact me ever again.
If you do, I will understand it as an insult & provocation and I will report you for harassment.''
Also, thanks to everyone who undesrtands the region I live in.
Let me clarify that there is no official government law that stones people to death or kills them for adultery, like in some of the countries you mentioned.
However,there are other mentality issues,ethnicity issues and people have suffered violence around here, which might encourage some people to act according to ''honour laws'' that are not enforced by the state, but by beliefs.
I don't know how risky it is and I am not willing to take a chance to find out.
I could inform her anonimously, but someone around here suggested it's not a good idea. I don't even know what i would write to make her believe me instead of him if I didn't put the bills and my name.
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I am going for my appointment now, but I will read your comments later.
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Inform her anonymously so your life is not in danger, but either way she does have a right to know. And if you are still afraid for your life put a restraining order on the OM.
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Even if she doesn't believe you then and there, she will begin to be watchful. Sooner or later, she will see what she needs to know.
Also, in the first sentence of your email, change "wanted" to "want", at least if you're writing to him in English. It carries a much more urgent message. Wanted means oh yeah well I kinda sorta didn't like you emailing me, but that might have change by now, so why not email a few more times and see what happens? Want means I will no longer have anything to do with you and you'd better knock it off buster!
Almost all A's begin with seemingly innocent friendship. I hope for your sake that you will guard vigilantly against this all the rest of your life.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Hi all, ... However, one of their reasons not to call her scared me to death: I did mention to you once I live in the Balkans. I guess this is a US forum and you presume same Laws and Regulations apply here. Unfortunately they don�t. The married man is a muslim Albanian from Kosovo and I am an orthodox from the neighbouring country of Macedonia. I don�t know how much of history you have on the recent events of the break up of Yugoslavia, but here isa link of their Law of Lek Dukagjin explaining why a ��blood revenge�� occurs. The conflict between Kosovo & Serbia also left the region with a lot of arms and almost every household in Kosovo holds a gun. Guns are widely used for celebrations during weddings,where shots are fired in the air. Please google any of the information and you will see I am not just making things up. The following link is just one of the many http://www.gendercide.org/case_honour.html I am truly scared for my well-being. I don�t know how the wife or her brothers/fathers/male cousins will react. The nightmare I am in right now makes me want to just call & wish that they DO come after me and beat me up or even kill me. I am torturing myself to THAT extent that I�d rather die!!! But my gut feeling is telling me that I might not have committed such a big sin as to deserve to die. Or have I� I am losing my mind over this. Am I going crazy� Anita. I hope you won't take this post as harsh or unempathetic. Certainly a very real threat to your life is something to take seriously. I just wanted to make a few points: *While not from your region, and not that learned in the nuances of culture and tradition and discord there, the concept of honor killings you are proposing would be much more in line with the men of YOUR family coming after you, not the men from the family of the MMW. Moreover, in accordance with patriarchal honor, their beef would be with the MM, not you. Again, I am certainly not clear on the details. I just want to make sure I'm making sense of all of this, and that any misconceptions are cleared up. *Please, please get on top of blocking avenues of contact from the MM. Block his phone number, emails, etc. You can't just close your eyes and hope it all goes away. Please be proactive about ending this and guaranteeing NC. It's easy to follow our feeeeeeelings - you need to implement extraordinary precautions on top of that so that, should your feelings of disgust now ever change to something more favorable towards the MM, you will have the appropriate guards in place. (e.g., not being able to contact him, receive contact from him, etc.) Be safe, but also be smart and do the hard work required to end all of this.
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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I was waiting because I thought the messages would stop if I don't encourage them. I see that it's not working, so is NC e-mail such as this one firm enough? Please let me know if i should be adding more/less:
''I have not replied to your e-mails and text messages because I wanteddemand that you stop contacting me.
This is the last message I will ever write to you. Don�t contact me ever again.
If you do, I will understand it as an insult & provocation and I will report you for harassment.'' This should do it. But I would caution you to change your cell and email completely, as opposed to just blocking him.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'd send OM an email from work telling him to stop contacting you like the others here suggested.
If its too dangerous to contact the OMW, then I wouldn't bother to contact her anonymously either. If she takes you seriously and does some digging, she may expose your identity anyways. In a perfect world, its always great to notify the betrayed spouse, but not when it could create a life-threatening situations.
Just block him at work and on your phone and notify him that you'll report him if he emails you again. Make sure to tell him his behavior as a married man is reprehensible. Then write him off and move on with your life.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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