well this july the W moved out of the house and in with her BF . anyway I'm trying to cope with it.And my sister inlaw is trying to get me to go to group therapy (seperation divorce) counseling can anyone honestly say it does any good? i heard it's just a bunch of angry people with bad advice.and i dont know about air things out with strangers.do they really care or are they there to get an ear full?

Why have you not read the articles on this site and listened to the posters who have posted to you? You've been around here for over 10 months, and have gone from a WW living with you and having an A, to a WW who has moved out and is more than likely living with OM right now.

Tell us, sweetwater - what, exactly, have you done to save your M?

Do you have kids?

There are things you can do in all aspects. DivorceCare is a good group and it has very good advice for moving forward. I met great people there and they helped me heal. So no, it�s not full of angry people yelling. You see everything there. Anger, sadness, laughter, and good advice.

I highly recommend it.

But again, what have you done to save your marriage? Do you have kids? Do you want to save your marriage?

Why have you not read the articles on this site and listened to the posters who have posted to you? You've been around here for over 10 months, and have gone from a WW living with you and having an A, to a WW who has moved out and is more than likely living with OM right now.

Tell us, sweetwater - what, exactly, have you done to save your M?



fyi i do read the post on MB@ i did the the plan A program for 7 months which drain the life out of me,frankly at this point I'm glad she's moved out. in hindsight i can see now that no matter what i would of done it wouldn't of made any difference she emotional moved on and i didn't have a prayer as far turning things around,she(WW)has to find out for herself what a dirtbag OM is .I just keeped things together until my daughter graduated( i didn't wanted her senior yr flocked with drama and there was always maybe that chance she(WW) would see the light) .And yes.I don't comment on here much but i do read alot of the post when i have time .i did ask a simple question for that thankyou
helpthelostdads.
I'm looking at working on me now,life is to short for me to sit around and say shoulda,woulda,coulda,the only thing i have is control of myself and what i do at this point.maybe some day she'll (w) see the light maybe I,ll be there and maybe I'll have moved on at that point too .

What was the timeline you set for your Plan A? What preparations did you make for Plan B?

Setting a plan A timeline and making preparations for Plan B are both part of Plan A. Plan A is not supposed to continue forever. 3-4 weeks for women and up to 6 months for men, except in special situations.

Did you expose the affair? Exposure is also part of Plan A. Did you read about the carrot and the stick of Plan A?

Did you answer the questions people asked you so they could help you properly apply the plans?

Which success story threads did you read? Any of them?

my plan was to make through to my daughters graduation in the end which was 7 months from DD i tryed to be the tentive person/husband all she would tell me "i wish you would quit trying it's just going to make it harder when I leave".her mind was made up . i could of had a stick with a 24 carrot gold bar on the end of it, it would of done no good.
and as far as the exposure the weekend after DW moved out her mother calls her DW (MI had no clue this was going on) she invites her (DW) to her place with new boy friend for lunch!talk about a punch in the stomach,i still haven't pulled that knife out of back yet.then MI leaves me VM later that day to tell how sorry she is about whats going on,as far as I'm concerned she (MI) can get bent.so in any respect it did no good.

So... your plan was Plan Sweetwater.

You were here for almost a year - and you didn't avail yourself of the resources available. You played Plan Doormat and made nicey-nice with a wayward, further enabling her affair.

YOU don't know what affect a REAL nuclear exposure, a STELLAR Plan A followed by an effective Plan B would have had, because you decided to let your life be dictated to you by your wayward wife. Rather than man up and stand up for your family, rather than use the experience you see before you, rather than learn from others in your situation, rather than ask questions and try to improve, you figured your wife (who was DEEP in a fog) already had her mind made up.

You rolled over and let her stomp all over you. Women don't respect 'tentative person/husbands' the respect men who stand up for what is right and fight for their families.

And you are surprised your marriage ended?

sigh...sorry sweetwater VIB is right. A woman wants a man that can take control not just be tentative.

you know what three yrs of this is enough! it's like drinking and driving,the hardcores are not going to quit because they get there license taken away!( or they get real good at hiding it-so watch were you cast your stones) she had emotional moved on long before DD. you can,t make someone do something they dont want to do. we did counseling she told me the only reason she went was to help me get through it. I exposed this A to her family months ago before (MI) knew I knew her mom was a nut case but not that far gone, for the most part i haven't heard from any of them sense then.they either they don't want to get involved or don't care.from my side of the family they thinks it's time to pull the pin.

i did take control i told her it was time to leave!she wanted to hang around here til the kids were out of school 4 yrs from now.

So you went Plan FU.

I'm sorry your marriage has ended. Truly I am. I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling.

Just remember that after the divorce there is someone waiting for you someone who cherishes marriages, and will treat you way better!!

We all certainly agree you shouldn't tolerate an affair for three years.


Exactly. That is one of our core beliefs around here.


Are you aware that most marriage counselors have an 85% failure rate?

I totally agree with you on this one!! Our counselor didn't help because since I was a wayward (and WS ALWAYS lie) I lied to him as well!!

Seriously, MC don't work if the there is infidelity involved

sweetwater

I am sorry that you have had to go through the pain of relationship breakdown. This (MB ) is an excellent resource to assist in trying to recover or improve your marriage.

If the resources here do not apply to you and you are trying to pick up the pieces of your life I can endorse the Divorce Care program. It is very good at helping you step through the fazes you will encounter in the breakdown of your relationship and how to and move forward. I have taken it twice now as you learn something new as you progress and recover.

Good luck in your path to healing.

Hardly posted here. Only did what he wanted to do. Wasted time and money on a MC when WW was still in a PA.

This person never participated in MB.