Saddened to read of the turn of events but I'm glad that you are ok. I know it is not easy, but please stay away from those sickos...they are only going to provoke you. Document events and talk to your kiddos often to keep them on the straight path.

Prayers to you, PSU.

PSU, you really need to arrange some kind of intermediary between you and exWW so you can see the kids, and avoid contact with her and POSOM as much as you can. Rest assured they would have LOVED it if you had not survived your suicide attempt, and you cannot afford to be exposed to more of their abuse.

You probably heard this from the hospital therapist already, but it would really be best for your mental and emotional health to cut contact with exWW and POSOM down to the absolute minimum necessary to maintain a relationship with your kids.

Glad to hear you're OK.

So sorry you�re going through this, but I can completely relate. I was there myself and totally regretted the gesture, though your was much more dangerous than mine.

POSOM is a non player. Pretend he doesn�t exist. Your kids aren�t dumb and they will remember such things. They will reveal themselves in due time.

In other words, if he speaks, pretend he�s not there.

Any developments in his CS case?

Take care of yourself and get yourself a good IC. I had one for about 2 years and it helped a lot. She really helped me get perspective on some things.

AD�s can cause what you did. I went through trial and error on them. The ones I found and liked unfortunately sent my BP to stratospheric levels that were dangerous. I had to settle for others that weren�t as effective. I didn�t need any in the end and IC was the best thing.

What we suffer through is called adjustment disorder. It resolves itself over time. You don�t suffer from permanent depression. It�s an adjustment to the changes. IC can help you cope better with such changes in addition to acceptance.

Where do things stand on the legal front?

I strongly suggest you refrain from dating. The best thing that happened to me was that I fell for an emotionally unavailable and uninterested woman, which ended up being the break from dating I needed.

I suggest you make the conscious choice to do that. That break did wonders for me because I had to face my own emotional holes and deal with them rather than cover them up with the excitement and newness of new relationships and dating.

Doing so leads to the acceptance and indifference stage, which is where you want to be when you start dating again.

OMG, PSU how horrible!!! I'm so glad you are alright but you really should see your doc about your meds. I once took Zyban to quit smoking, which is actually welbutrin, an AD. It definitely put me into severe mood swings and there were warnings about mixing it with alcohol. I never could take the full dosage - maybe that's why I was unsuccessful quitting. I remember calling them my "depressants" rather than "anti-depressants" because that's what they did to me.

I think you need to not engage OM in any conversations. He is only trying to get your goat. The best defense is to NC the OM.

Does WW come to kids games when you have the kids?

I think that you stay away from kids when WW is suposed to have them.

Dear PSUB;

I think you know that you need to prioritise and take better care of you. I do not mean that as a put down at all.

Everyone has a threshold for stress, work, worry and pain. Anyone who says they do not are either just foolish or kidding themselves.

I would take a look at the medications, but also look at/for the balance and space in your life that you have allocated for personal recovery. RH here, do you do enough things for yourself?

What can you do to improve on this?
I hope you feel better. Just my 0.02.

I also recommend you avoid doing stuff "together" for a time. Do stuff on your time and let her do stuff on her time. It took my ex and I about 2 years after our litigation to finally get to be around each other without all that tension in the air.

The problem for the kids is the conflict. Conflict is much more damaging to them than your presence or absence.

In two years you guys may be able to be around each other without incidents, but it's too soon right now and it's damaging for the kids to witness the friction.

This doesn't mean you're "surrendering". It really is a matter of putting the kids first.

Some here may disagree with this, but I'm not telling you that this is something you will do forever. Just until things stabilize in the new normal.

I had to go through that withdrawl myself. It sucks, but in the end it is good for you and good for the kids.

Amen, plus they know you love them no matter what exWW and nitwit might tell them. When your with them and love them up they will see that.

PSU

I was shocked and saddened to read your recent update. I am so relieved it was not successful. You are such an inspiration to many other posters.

FWIW, I agree with the other posters suggesting you limit your time that is "shared" with the waywards. Explain to the children how much you love them and that it harms you greatly to be in the presence and be treated the way you are by the waywards. Apologize for the harm it causes your children (even though you are not to blame.)

Depending on ages, tell them that you have to limit your time that is "shared" and ask them their thoughts.

You, too, are dying a death of a thousand cuts.

Please know that we are all with you even when you can't see us. Sitting with you, feeling your pain and all the injustices you have endured. There will be an end to those. Keep the faith.

Please seek help and know that those babies will see YOU for YOU and not for what some toothless loser says.

Take care, friend.

I disagree with WH in terms of talking to the kids and asking their feelings.

Don't put grown up problems on them. This can be something you discuss down the road, but don't do it right now.

So Dad just doesn't show up anymore? No explanation, no discussion.

That only reinforces the waywards words about him.......


I don't remember how old PSU's children are - it needs to be done in an age appropriate way.

He may not need to specifically ask, but by telling them about it, he can probably gauge their reaction and then discuss what they are going through.

Kids are overlooked constantly as being "too young." They have thoughts and they have feelings at all ages. You can either validate them or ignore them.

I think they are 5 and 7. Still they can know and understand thier own feelings and feel conflicts between exWW and PSU.

Age appropiate is right but only when its warrented and/or asked. "its not how I want it but daddy and mommy still love you very much Mommy left daddy and you will have to ask her why." Thats my opinion because they need reasons, even if it points to wrong ones.

Read my post again. I�m advocating staying away from WW ex and POSOM for a period of time. When the kids are with her they do stuff with her and with him they do stuff with him. Do this for the foreseeable future. It stinks, but the conflict is more damaging to the kids than the absence of dad for a few events.

The kids are very young.

My ex and I had very high conflict for a good two years after our D. We can now sit and eat together with the kids (an accidental encounter at a restaurant) and we go trick or treating together. We�re not buddy buddy or friends by any stretch, but we can be around each other without snide comments being made.

It takes time to get to that point.

And PSUB has a 50/50 arrangement or very close to it. He sees his kids a lot.

His goal is to be their rock.

You were clear. I got it.

I just don't agree that it does not effect the kids (sometimes deeply) when you have waywards "explaining" why dad doesn't come to events anymore.

The waywards are causing the conflict and that will not change with PSU missing events. He will not be THERE for them to treat badly in person - but I'd bet the farm they do it when he is not around, too. Which causes conflict for the kids.

Do what you can do, PSU. Guard yourself and love those little ones. They will feel that strength and love no matter what the waywards throw at them.

Talk to them as you feel appropriate. You know them best.

PSU:

Glad you survived!

Avoid the toothless one as much as possible....!

LG

I can see WH's point. When PSU stops showing up at events, exWW and Toothless will be giving their kids "reasons" why, reasons that will NOT be complimentary to PSU. He's gotta tell them something to counteract the scurrilous lies they'll hear from their mother and boyfriend.

So yeah, PSU is gonna have to have some kind of conversation with his kids about this.

I am in Plan B and I had to explain to my children why I couldn't be around my WH and why he couldn't come in the house. They understand very well. Children should be told the truth, in an age appropriate way(and by that I mean, no big words, truth is always best).

PSU, I would suggest a Plan B type thing with these things(I couldn't even call Toothless a person). Explain it to your children like this, "When Daddy is around Mommy and Toothless, it makes my heart hurt. I get sad. I don't want you to have a Daddy that may be sad around you so I can't be around when Mommy and Toothless are near. I love you." Children need to know that Daddy has feelings too and that if someone is abusive or harmful, you remove YOURSELF. Lessons are taught always because children are always watching.

If it is another soccer game that you have to miss, you could have the children call you and recount it. I would have to miss my son's ball hockey games and he loved to recount them for me. He made it even more interesting than they would have been had I been watching because he was telling only the highlights.

So, a Plan B type arrangement. Not for M R, but for mental health.

HI all,

Here's the rub - when POSOM is not around, exWW and I get along perfectly fine. No fights, no snide comments, etc. For instance, the week before was my weekend but exSIL had a party planned for her daughter. SO, exWW came to the soccer game (POSOM was not there), we sat together, cheered the kids on together, BS'd, etc. Then, after the games, exWW and the kids came over to my place to change for the party, etc.

When exWW dropped the kids off after the party, exWW walked right in like she owned the place. We actually sat at the table and talked about life in general for about 45 minutes after the kids went to bed. POSOM thrives on conflict - the more conflict he incites between exWW and I, and exWW and her family, the less chance he has of exWW kicking his rear end out.

No here's the rub you have to go NC with the OM. YOU need to stop letting the OM rub the fact that he has you WW.

Well that�s a different story, then.

Sounds like you and your ex are at an amicable place.

So my advice is to simply ignore OM, pretend he doesn�t exist, and don�t acknowledge a single word he says.

I wouldn�t even tell the ex about his snide remarks since it accomplishes nothing.

Your kids will know and remember growing up. They certainly won�t like an outsider telling a parent they love to get out of their lives.

Glad to hear from you. Stay strong and reach out for help when you need it.