mason, it will be real important to expose this affair at work. it is no fun to have an affair when everyone is watching. Have you exposed the affair to OW's family? If not, I would get her parents information and call them up. You might also call the OW and tell her there is no future in her affair because seh will be eternally hated by your children and the in-laws for breaking up your marriage.

Here is a good letter for workplace exposure. It should be sent to the director of Human Resources, key VP and both their bosses.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney. This letter should be sent to the Director of Human Resources and cc�d to the adulterers supervisors and a key VP. It is critical that this letter be sent to several people so no one person can give into the temptation to bury the issue.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

Facebook exposure letters

Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

If you don't try and win him back for a few weeks, then you will be handing him to the OW. Do you want to do that? I don't think your therapist has the slightest idea what she is talking about and is giving you bad advice.. I bet the OW HOPES you do nothing to win him back so she can have him.

Also, surely your "therapist" understands WHY he is depressed? Adulterers are typically depressed because they are living in violation of their conscience. Being bad does not bring happinenss, it brings depression.

mason, you can do Plan A for a couple of weeks, but Plan A also means exposing the affair in a strategic, effective way. I see many overlooked opportunities here where you could inflict some major blows to the affair.

When did he move out of the house? You didn't mention that in your first post, but I may have missed it.

Mason, while you dally the affair is becoming entrenched and he is becoming more mired in it. Why have you not taken the advice given to you and done a full-on, proper exposure?

This OW is not going to quit her job or she would have announced it by now, and she hasn't, correct? Your H has told your that to get you off his back so he can carry on with his A in peace. Which is exactly why you should expose to his employers.

I also re-read your first post and caught that she is his subordinate. Mason, this is a hand grenade! All you have to do is pull the pin and lob it into the HR dept! This is prime soil for a sexual harassment lawsuit, do you understand? An employer getting a letter like the one written by Brit's Brat is going to break out in a complete rash and will address it! Why have you not used this??

Thanks, I have been trying to communicate better with him, but then I get upset because I do not want to be his friend. He goes on the meds on Monday after seeing his doctor. I feel like I have so much riding on the medication working and then I feel like I am waiting for the final blow of him telling me he is choosing her. Not sure how to prepare myself for that.

Did you want to try to save your marriage?

Yes,
I want to save my marriege, I found out he saw her on this past Saturday, and I am sure slept with her again. She flew in from OH to see him. He admitted that he was out with her. I only was suspicious because he did not answer one text or his phone at all, when my son wanted to say good night to him. Sad.
After he told me all through texting, I just did not respond at all. I think I should start Plan B. He still says he does not know what he wants and he has not made a decision of his family or the OW. Aslo, she was suppose to be leaving her job (she reprts to my husband) and she is not. My husbands boss said as long as you keep this prefessional he does not care what happens.
Not sure what to do at this point. I do not want to talk or see him at all not even when he gets the kids this weekend.
I feel like such a sucker that I still want to try, but I am not sure how much more I can take. I will feel even worse if he decides he wants her. His decision this weekend tells me that is what he wants.

Why have you not done a proper exposure of this affair, like we advised a month ago???

He exposed the affair himself to his boss etc... His boss told him as long as they can work profesionally together he is fine with it. Everyone knows at work already, his family knows, her family knows.
We had been talking more, but all he says he does not know what he wants.
I just do not know what to do. He has shown so little remorse and regard to what he has done, Cutting him off from us maybe the best thing to do. He told a friend after he saw her that hes still has not made a decision. He is not committed to the OW or me.

if you have exposed and planned A him then I suggest you go to plan B.

How long was your plan A? What did you do during plan A?

Mason,
I think it's time to let him go, tell him that you no longer will engage in this ridiculous triangle........Tell him he has made his decision to leave your marriage and be with the OW.......
Tell him you want No Contact with him while he is in the relationship with the OW....
Tell him that you love him and would like to work your marriage and get it back to a place where both of you are happy.......but only if it's the two of you.....
Let him feel what his decision really feels like.............you just watch how soon that relationship falls apart when she has to fill all his needs..........he will really see who she is and not just the fantasy woman, with no real life problems, let's see if he likes her warts and all......
When you do see him, look good, smell good and show him life for you will go on...........he will soon learn , don't just sit around waiting for him to chose you......you are better than that.......
Once you draw the line in the sand, things will change, you have to be patient this won't happen overnight, the fog will life but it will take a few weeks.......
When he picks the kids up, don't be there........stay No Contact with him, you will see how much he will miss you, don't cave when he tries to have it his way.....stay strong.

Yes, you said he told you that. Did you VERIFY this with his employer? Did you send a letter to his employer and copy it to higher-ups? That this workplace affair has great potential to end in a sexual harassment lawsuit? Have you personally spoken with his superiors to let them no in no uncertain terms that you intend to fight for your M, however you need to, and that you expect them to support the sanctity of marriage? What have YOU done in the way of exposure at his workplace?

He is now fully exposed at work up to his CEO. I used parts of the letter from this sight, especially the part about "innapropriate use of comapany funds and resources to support their affair" He is pretty pissed, he said it is defamation of chracter as he is now being investigated by his corporate attorneys over his expenses over the past year.
I am not sure that this will even end his affair, he is just pissed off that he may be fired. I am a coward though I blindly sent emails, I know I may be found out, he suspects it is me> I have denied it the way he has denied his affair that he continues to have.

You have done nothing wrong. He is upset because he did the wrong.

Tell him the next time he deny's his affair that what is he worried about then at work.

No time to reread your thread did you expose family and friends as well?

mason, what is he mad about? If there is nothing wrong with his affair, and he claimed his bosses already knew, then what is the problem? I would strongly suggest you tell him the truth about your exposure. You have done a good deed and can't very well take credit for it this way.

Did you expose to the OW's facebook friends and family like we suggested?

mason, the OWH in my sitch exposed anonymously as well. No matter. It had the same effect. Everyone knew it was him. He did it anonymously for the same reason you did - he was afraid his wife would be angry. She was. She knew it was him as well.

She apparently got over it, because as far as I know they are still together.

I would stand up and take ownership of the exposure loud and proud. What do you have to be afraid of?

He was so angry yesterday, about being under investigation for his expenses by his companies corporate attorneys. I do not want him to think I am responsible for sabbotaging his career and livelihood. I took a risk because if gets fired, he cannot pay me. I did say to him if your expenses are in line then you shoudl have nothing to worry about, but the fact is they traveled together, a lot, probably more than they shoudl of and he is the OW boss. Thanks for the support, I am scared to death of him finding out it is me, I am trying to be nice at this point. Another note: he went to OH last wknd to visit her. Their affair is still going on, he does not know I know this, and at this point it is not worth confronting him about it.

He also said his company is going to find the person that sent the notes and put legal action againts them. Not sure if he will have a defamation case or not. He seems pretty persistent to find out who sent the emails. First, I beleive his investigation will happen and see if they find anything.

He is lying. There are no grounds for legal action here. He's trying to spook you into admitting that it was you. And I would, like I said. Loud and proud. I would invite him to have his higher-ups call you for any information they might need. Think about it: how have YOU/anonymous tipster defamed his character? You told the truth.