{{{{{Scottie}}}}}}

It is not UNCOMMON for those in Plan B to wonder....WANT....desire....their former spouses (notice I didn't say WAYWARD???.... ;)). In fact, I would think it would be more UNCOMMON NOT to have these feelings.

You do better than most, by not giving IN to those feelings. And you are doing more than wonderful sticking to these PLANS. They are working....for YOU. That is the beauty of them.

I for one have learned the sheer strength and courage it truly takes to do this. I saw first hand with Queenie, and now you.....

Not

K Scotty, I respect your descision completely. I'm not a quitter either, and I still love my late wife even after 1 1/2 years and all the stupid crap she pulled. I understand.

Just wanted to make sure you knew you were in the drivers seat.

As far as "affairland" gossip mill not ever reaching Bampots ears then good. I was wrong in that guess.

Just can't figure out how he got his head stuck so bad up his behind. Does he have big ears?

Your the best Scotty

they DO stick out a bit.

Thanx guys. It is a process. I know that I need to go through it, I was just sharing these thoughts and feelings so that others may learn from them. I didn't act on them. I want others to see that even though you have those feelings, you don't act on them.

Not, of course it is my real husband that I miss and desire and not this turdman he has become.

Just got home from my Mom's house for Thanksgiving. All stuffed full of turkey and apple strudel. I start a challenge through my personal trainer tomorrow. I need to be good. We are also upping our training to 4 days a week now. Mon, Tues, Wed, and Fri. I am seeing great results and others are seeing it too.

So, I was thinking about my feelings as of late. I think that there was some residual feelings from last weekend. It was the first time the kiddos slept over there. DS10 wants to sleep there again. Only this time, Bampot will be sleeping with OW. I am NOT okay with that. We don't have a plan on when it will be, but I am already dreading it.

There was more too. I know that my love for Bampot isn't going to just magically evaporate. I understood that all along. I think the problem I am having is letting go of his love for me. He used to love me so much. I didn't always appreciate it. He smothered me in it sometimes. The night that he asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he loved me. I think that it is hard for me to believe that that is all gone. I don't want it to be true. But it has to be. I know that he will always feel something for me, but he couldn't possibly love me anymore. He never would have been able to hurt me this way. I will get through this. It is what I need to do.

I am not in a bad place, so please don't worry about me. I am just processing things. I am actually a lot better off than I have been. I am trying to find myself again. I don't think about Bampot all of the time anymore. I am actually able to have fun. I still think, "Bampot would like this shirt on me." But then I remember, it is about what I like and not him or any other man.

FF, don't worry about me dating anyone else. I really don't see that happening any time soon, if ever. I can't even think about it right now. It wouldn't be fair to another man. He wouldn't have all of me because a large part of my heart still belongs to Bampot. I wouldn't want to hurt someone else like that.

I wish I could give you a IRL hug, Scotty. I come back here lately just to check on you. It was work that started forbidding post at "social networks" but I found I am doing much better without the stress of seeing so many newbies laying bleeding on the floor in distress.

Sooo, I pop in and see if you are ok and if you need encouragement. You, your boys and bampot remain in my prayers.

Thank you FF. I think of many of you as friends. Even some people who helped me out in those first few days and haven't been seen since. I appreciate EVERY ONE OF YOU.

I get all of that Scotty, dang it, ya made me cry too.

Kick butt in your challange this week

Thanksgiving? In October? Ok its a canook thing right?

Hi Scotland

Sorry to hijack your thread. Ihave been following your story and really admire how you have handled things. I can't imagine a time when I stop thinking about H.

I have gone to Plan B, today. At work trying not to burst into tears and could do with some real help on tips to get through the first few weeks.

Also, do you know any Plan B success stories. My downfall is that I went into withdrawal just before Plan B, but have been in Plan A for 2 1/2 months. I did my best.

Many thanks,

Hitch

t/j

{{{{{Hitch}}}}}

Successful Plan Ber's you look up are

Scottie
Queenie
Mimi
Silent Lucidity
Chailover
Believer
SDGuy
Chrisner

I'll try and remember some more. I will also bump up Mimi's thread for you. Go ahead a bookmark it for yourself.....

not2fun

Hitch, I will try to help you out on your thread when I get back on the computer tonight. Remind me if I don't

The best advice I can say to you right now is to stay dark. It will get easier. Be still. Don't let your Plan B falter or you will be angry with yourself.

Well, I changed my relationship status on FB to separated. I know, no biggie, but I felt like I needed to make a step in that direction. I needed it for me. Silly, but it felt weird. Now, if only I could think about what to call Bampot instead of, "My husband." I can't bring myself to say, "Ex." And I can't really think of a different thing to say. Suggestions? and no "Turd," "douche", and "AZZ" are not options.

I still call my WH my husband...I dont know why, just habit I guess...but I think I am finally ready to say Ex.

I went to the doctors the other day, a new Dr, and for some reason they asked me if I lived with another adult....Weird...but anyway, I panicked, I must have turned bright red and then answered "Yes, I live with my H."

I just couldnt bring myself to say it, it just seems so final even though I know it is final...Oh well.

I remember when my personal trainer saw me putting my family ring back on my ring finger(I take it off to punch because it turns and hurts). He looked at me and I said, "It's my family ring." He said, "I was going to ask you if you were getting married or something." I said, "I am married, he is just temporarily with someone else." Then I laffed and he laffed too. I am still married, so I will respect myself enough to act as a married woman. Doesn't mean I will always remain married, although deep down, I sure hope I will be(only Bampot will need to return before my end date for Plan B, because I will file for a D then).

He is still your H, Scotty. I would not change calling him that.

(((stilly)))

Truly amazing. Your strength and resolve is purely remarkable, Scotland.
Opt

Thanx guys. I guess he is still "my husband" for now.

I would refer to my FXH as "my kids' dad" for a long time. It was easier than saying "ex".

Ohhhh, I think I like that one JT...Thanks for the hugs faithy.

Yeah, Scotty, I mean he is still your husband.

JT, Sometimes I say that too, but I feel like people will think that we aren't/weren't married, y/k?

Good point, scotty and I hate "estranged". It just seems like I might get questions I dont want to answer...I think if you just say exH or husband there is really no questions.

Guess I am sticking to husband for a while.