So all weekend, I have been reaching out to hubby. we have spent some alone time together and eventually it all ends up in the same speech, "this can't work. i want out". so my heart is being stomped and crushed and i want to vomit in my mouth. i am the one getting sucked in, thinking there is hope, when there is none. he has left the building.
how do you find a "good" private investigator? I want to initiate that tomorrow.
thanks and blessings to all

Plan A

You reach out like crazy. Have no expectations to be stomped on. Know he will say hurtful things and do them too. Keep reaching and offering and being the best wifey in the world. Know that as you are doing so....you are laying groundwork for the rough road ahead and it is in your best interest. You try to meet his needs though your instincts are pissed that he is being cruel to you. Tell your sad, resentful part of yourself that you must do this in your own best interest. You must leave a great impression even if you wind up going to the often mentioned Plan B. Plan A is for showing your best self as wife and the stick part (exposure) shows strength when you are ready to do that. When that juncture comes you will be dealing with an evil, even nastier version of your spouse immediately post exposure and must prepare to keep your head and to keep cool.

Anyway, keep studying the MB plans and get the book asap to read over and over again to keep focused and calm.

You don't talk about the affair for now.

Not sure how to find a good PI.

Others can give you pointers on snooping to find more info that will be useful.

thanks reading,
i feel like i am floating out there, way out to sea, alone and hot and without water....
gonna take a ride to border's and look for the book. thank you for your kindness.