I'll post more info later.

I didn't think the program aired on KKMS any more?

Is that you on the show right now?

Delta is on right now!

here is the link: here

Oh man, Delta is talking about how her family is calling her "unChristian" for refusing to be around her skanky sister who had the affair with her husband.

Answer up next....

Dr Harley says she should view her sister as a "rapist" and would you go see the rapist? If she were raped she would obviously avoid any event the rapist is attending.

He says to forgive the sister if she asked for forgiveness but never see her again.

Make it clear to family members that she cannot come to any event if the sister is there.

If her sister were really sorry she would understand why she doesnt want to be around her. The fact that the sister is demanding she forgive her and go to the same family members shows the sister is very self centered and thoughtless of Delta's pain.

Good job Delta. I am sorry for you situation. I hope you H is loving to you, I did not read your thread. He and your sister sure put you thru h@ll! I sure hope he is worth all your pain.
blessing

To clarify, nobody has actually called me unchristian; however, there are comments made about forgiveness and reconciliation that are unnecessary and quite painful because they don't seem to grasp the severity of the crime, or even if they do, they believe with God, things can be healed.

This was my (very long) letter to Dr. Harley:

Dear Dr. Harley,

I recently learned about my husband's affair that occurred nine years ago. At the time of the affair, we had been together for twelve years, married for seven. Apparently he had sex with the other woman twice while I was traveling out of state, and he maintained an emotional affair with her for three or so months that involved kissing a couple other times plus several inappropriate discussions.

Of course, I was devastated by the the news. I'm one of those women who never thought her wonderful, honorable husband was capable of cheating on her or even considered it. For all I knew, he's been absolutely loving, respectful and adoring to me for 21 years. Plus, looking back through family photos and letters he wrote me during this period, he was so loving to me, and we were really close. This was a total shock. Our marriage was in good shape, or so I thought. I knew he was going through a rough time after his father's death and another loss in his family, but I had no clue he was being unfaithful.

Nevertheless, the rock solid marriage that I thought was ours is another infidelity-plagued statistic. We've been working through the immense pain and grief his actions have caused me and our marriage using Marriage Builders concepts.

So far, my story is unfortunately all too common, but it gets worse. The other woman is my own sister! The pain from the double betrayal has been overwhelming at times. It's incomprehensible that these two people who I trusted could act so selfishly, irresponsibly and despicably. Together.

After ending the affair, my husband foolishly thought it was best to keep it from me, lying to me by omission. So, for nine years, I've spent a great deal of time with my sister and unwittingly had conversations with her about private matters that I never should have and never would have if I had known the truth. It absolutely sickens me how I've been manipulated for years.

After the truth was revealed to me, my husband and I exposed the affair to our teenage kids, my mom and my other siblings so they would all know the reason for the separation between me and my sister. My husband sent my sister a no contact letter, he sent my family members an apology letter, and I told my sister's husband about the extent of the affair (I did this after learning that he was told years ago that a couple kisses occurred, which was a lie).

Dr. Harley, your recommendation that a wayward spouse never sees or communicates with a former lover again for life and that we permanently end all contact seems spot on for a number of reasons.

My family has for the most part been supportive of me and very caring as I've dealt with this horror, the exception being when people have discussed with my sister things about me I've asked them not to. Is it unreasonable that I've requested that they no longer discuss anything about us with her? We are no longer her concern, and I don't want her to have a window into our lives. Likewise, I don't want to hear anything about her or her husband because it only triggers negative thoughts.

My family understands that in "typical" affairs, no contact with the other woman is a no brainer and everyone moves on to lead their separate lives. However, since the other woman in this case is my sister, there's been talk from my mom and siblings about forgiveness and reconciliation and God's healing power, talk that I feel places an unfair burden on me to act "more Christianly" (Matthew 18:22) for the sake of family harmony. In fact, my sister's teenage daughter lashed out at me for not wanting to reconcile with her mom for things that happened so long ago before the two adulterers "had God in their lives" (they did years before that, so that's not even true); she also accused me of "purposely trying to hurt" my sister because I told my family the truth.

I'm the victim here, but my sister and her husband have made me out to be the bad guy because I ought be more compassionate toward her -- forgiving and reconciliatory. That story line and her ongoing attempt for family members to feel sorry for her has been just as painful some days as the affair itself.

Aside from the affair with my husband, my sister went on to have a long-term-affair with another man and has had various other inappropriate relationships that she's still not being honest about. I've also learned about lies she's told about me as well as many ways she's badmouthed and undermined me for a number of years. I knew we had issues, but it's been quite devastating to learn how extensive the issues are.

But now, I feel the best thing to do is to put those hurtful actions of hers behind me and focus on my marriage and kids. When I focus on her, it interferes with marriage's healing. To me, my forgiveness of her actions is a private choice that needs no public statement to her or my family.

I have no desire whatsoever to have this toxic person and unhealthy relationship in my life ever again.

Can you please help me help my family understand why this permanent separation is necessary and the best course of action for all involved?

Also, how do you recommend we handle weddings of our nieces and nephews? I would prefer not to attend any event where she's present because I foresee a lot of pain and agony as hurtful memories come flooding back. However, if she doesn't show me the courtesy of not attending, I don't want the solution to be me for me to miss out on family celebrations. That certainly wouldn't be fair to me.

Hopefully you have some words of wisdom for me in this horrible spot.

Thank you!

Delta, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. I am no longer angry at the minister of music who molested me in high school....but you better believe I won't EVER be darkening the door of his church.

I'm SO HAPPY he mentioned this point. That will be so good for my family to hear. I feel (although it hasn't been said) that they think we should all be able to be "adult enough" to be in the same room together at such a large, public event.

Whether they feel this way, I'm not sure, but I'm so glad Dr. Harley addressed it.

I meant that as a statement of support in your feelings. I wouldn't ever want to spend time with this woman either.

Exactly. I've said the same thing to her and to my family: forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things.

See, here's what bugs me about people throwing out that phrase: 'with God, things can be healed.' How do they know God's methods of healing? Maybe His whole point is that you never have contact with your sister again so you can be healed? They presume that God's method of healing is whatever they think it should be.

I totally agree. It's quite frustrating to me.

It seems that God conveniently gave everybody but Delta a nine-year head start on healing. Perhaps they could wait nine years or so for her to catch up before expecting her to be "healed."

Yeah, people have a hard time knowing themselves and yet they know everything about god....
blessing

My computer isn't playing the rebroadcast of the program. Do any of you have problems listening to the MB Radio rebroadcasts?

YES. Click on the rebroadcast and when is starts "connecting" and never connects, click on the STOP button and then restart. It always works for me that way.