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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair husband in Amsterdam

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husband in Amsterdam #2434002 10/11/10 04:44 PM
Joined: Oct 2010 Posts: 2 M mask85 Junior Member
mask85 Junior Member M Joined: Oct 2010 Posts: 2	My husband had an affair about 5 years ago. We have worked through a lot of issues and thought we were doing really good. But he decided to go on a trip by himself to Amsterdam for almost 2 weeks. He is going to 2 concerts. I have been in a panic since he left and can't rid of the feeling. I called the therapist that worked with us and asked if Icould come see him. I go see him tormorrow. Any thoughts???

Re: husband in Amsterdam mask85 #2434005 10/11/10 04:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by mask85 My husband had an affair about 5 years ago. We have worked through a lot of issues and thought we were doing really good. But he decided to go on a trip by himself to Amsterdam for almost 2 weeks. He is going to 2 concerts. I have been in a panic since he left and can't rid of the feeling. I called the therapist that worked with us and asked if Icould come see him. I go see him tormorrow. Any thoughts??? I would suggest you stop traveling apart to avoid this. Of course its too late for that now. Marriages that don't properly recover from adultery usually suffer from repeat affairs. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: husband in Amsterdam mask85 #2434118 10/12/10 03:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,107 England,United Kingdom B Bob_Pure Member
Bob_Pure Member B Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,107 England,United Kingdom	Originally Posted by mask85 My husband had an affair about 5 years ago. We have worked through a lot of issues and thought we were doing really good. But he decided to go on a trip by himself to Amsterdam for almost 2 weeks. He is going to 2 concerts. I have been in a panic since he left and can't rid of the feeling. I called the therapist that worked with us and asked if Icould come see him. I go see him tormorrow. Any thoughts??? Hmm Amsterdam is one of my favourite cities, but it is not a venue where men choose to go to alone in order to pray and study art for two weeks in my opinion. The hookers are pretty, clean and cheap. The drugs are strong, legal and plentiful. My wife Squid and I spent a fantastic weekend in Amsterdam a few years ago. Such a beautiful city away from the dark stuff. Has your H welcomed your offer to join him ? In any case when you return you two must start working the marriagebuilders program so that you might learn how to negotiate to join agreement in ways that builds up each others love, not causes fear and hurt. We can help you with that if you're willing. Best of all is to arrange a 'phone session with the Harleys. I hope you have a lovely time with your husband ! All blessings MB Alumni

Re: husband in Amsterdam mask85 #2434126 10/12/10 06:16 AM
Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 12,357 M maritalbliss Member
maritalbliss Member M Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 12,357	Originally Posted by mask85 My husband had an affair about 5 years ago. We have worked through a lot of issues and thought we were doing really good. But he decided to go on a trip by himself to Amsterdam for almost 2 weeks. He is going to 2 concerts. I have been in a panic since he left and can't rid of the feeling. I called the therapist that worked with us and asked if Icould come see him. I go see him tormorrow. Any thoughts??? Why did you not go with him? That panicky feeling you've got is probably your gut, and I've learned that my gut instinct is rarely wrong. What do you think the therapist is going to do to help? If I were you, I would be on the next plane to Amsterdam. D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!

Re: husband in Amsterdam mask85 #2434136 10/12/10 07:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,769 A atena Member
atena Member A Joined: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,769	the first and last time my WH tooka 2 week vacation "by himself" was with OW.He spent 2 weeks with her in a hotel in the tuscan countriside. This is definately not a good sign Have you asked your WH to go along with him. WHen I asked he said no. Have you noticed anythings strange prior to his departure? Has he been in touch with you? did he give you the name of the places he would be staying during these 2 weeks? blessing atena

Re: husband in Amsterdam atena #2434323 10/12/10 04:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2010 Posts: 2 M mask85 Junior Member
mask85 Junior Member M Joined: Oct 2010 Posts: 2	He did ask me to go, but he knows that it is almost impossible for me to go. work and kids at home. And yes, my husband took a lot of vacations with his girlfriend. At the time, I did not know and when I found out about all the fancy trips I was hurt. He had never taken me on such trips. I so want to believe this is a trip that he always wanted to take and does not include another person. I hate the feelings that I felt this week. I felt like I am out of control. The counselor helped a lot and believes that he is in Amsterdam and having clean fun.

Re: husband in Amsterdam mask85 #2434326 10/12/10 05:02 PM
Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 12,357 M maritalbliss Member
maritalbliss Member M Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 12,357	Originally Posted by mask85 He did ask me to go, but he knows that it is almost impossible for me to go. work and kids at home. And yes, my husband took a lot of vacations with his girlfriend. At the time, I did not know and when I found out about all the fancy trips I was hurt. He had never taken me on such trips. I so want to believe this is a trip that he always wanted to take and does not include another person. I hate the feelings that I felt this week. I felt like I am out of control. The counselor helped a lot and believes that he is in Amsterdam and having clean fun. I hope your counselor is right. Hey, does your H have a cell phone with a camera? If you feel 'funny' at any point when you're talking with him, why don't you ask him to take a picture of where he is and send it to you? Right then, not later. That may help confirm he's up to only good things. D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!

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