Mimi,
I'm in AWE of how things are going for you!!! Keep it up. Lots of us praying for you here.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Someone mentioned that WSes often take OPes to special places of WS and BS. What is that all about? She said the attempt is to make the "memory into a nightmare'. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, I have another theory. Well, really, not me, but Bob Steinkamp.....ever heard of him? Well, he and his W run RejoiceMinistries in Pompano Beach, FL. He was the WS, 16 years ago! Now they help others (like us) navigate through this mess.
He writes stories, books, about the travels a WS (and sometimes the BS) takes through life as a WS (and sometimes as the BS). I strongly urge you to go read my thread on Prayer Requests entitled "Prodigals DO Come Home"
There are quotes from Bob's book by that title. If you do not have this book, and you are the BS,
you NEED it!! Anyways, while waiting for your copy, please go read the thread. There's a chapter in the book explaining exactly WHY the WS's take the OP to "our" special places, or do "our" special things.......
I'm not gonna re-write it over here, cause it's posted over there, 2nd - it's late, and I don't want to! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and final reason: without the book in front of me, I don't want to misquote any part of it.....but suffice it to say, Mimi, that it's all part of the WS mentality (and we ALL know about that, don't we?). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I goofed in that phone call last week. I probably gave him too much hope. He realized that I had not given up. Why else would he then take her on a trip right after that conversation?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forget about WHY he took that trip with her, but I agree about the other stuff. DO NOT ENGAGE in any conversations with him while in Plan B! Plan B is for YOU. You would have peace of mind, not thinking aobut his trip, his mindset, his plans, etc. You can concentrate on your future.....It's HIS TIME to "wonder" what is happening to his life....and to you. If you give him information -
any information, then technically, you're not in Plan B, are you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And, yes, you probably gave him hope to keep stringing you along, while having vacations with <her>. This is why Plan B is
no contact. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hopefully as I proceed with moving and the house sale he will realize that I am really moving on.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, hopefully, he will. In the meantime, enjoy this!! It sounds so exciting!! Especially the way God is leading, and clearing the way for things to just work out!!!
When my WH left, I went to the Lord, and said, "Lord, I'm alone now. No H. YOU will have to be my H. YOU will have to provide for me...."
Mimi,
He always did!! I never missed one payment on anything. I never ran out of anything, or lacked manpower or any help for anything my H normally had taken care of!!!! God is so faithful,
if we call on Him. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm continuing to have these opposing feelings and viewpoints....it almost seems impossible that I can forget and forgive him for what he is doing. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't let your self think about this now. Satan will take this and have a heyday with it. Keep yourself strong, and your children will see how to handle adversity thrown at them without warning.
See, I got to a place where I realized God had made ME strong!! I mean, I alwasy was, but it was in MY strength. He wanted me to be strong IN HIM. Now, I think I am.....the difference now is that
I know I am leaning on the Rock. And that the day will come when my H will need that ROCK. And the only place he will find it is with ME.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">over 6 months since D-Day, I still can't conceive of how my H can be maintaining a life and a relationship with someone else. It can't possibly be the man I have known. I can't understand how he can be doing that.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can go there in my head, too. Mimi,
don't let yourself go there!!! These thoughts are of satan, to get your focus off God, to make you believe it is impossible that he will ever leave her, or come home. Remember,
nothing is impossible with God! We can't understand WHAT is making them act this way, but it doesn't matter!! When the time is right, GOD WILL INTERVENE, AND THEN THE MEN WE KNOW, THE MEN WE MARRY WILL RETURN!!!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Given that he grew up with me, since the age of 18 and he is now almost 50, so much of him is part of me....so much of my routine of life was developed in my relationship with him. She's thinking that his routines are all him and she is in awe of him. That means that she is partly in awe of me. In other words, I helped prepare him for her. Does this make sense? I believe that we are of ONE FLESH as GOD DIRECTED</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow!! I think this is most profound!!! WOW!!!!
Anyway, think of this (also from Steinkamp's book), SHe is trying to "fit in" with his way of doing things.....Or make him over in HER ways. Meanwhile, HE is trying to make her into a duplicate of YOU, since he IS a part of you, and has done the things the way YOU TWO have done them for all these years.
problem is,
they don't fit!! Never will. Cause he is YOUR One-flesh mate,
not hers!!! SHE is the counterfeit. He is only trying to fit with her, to do everything HER way, or change her to HIS way, cause he's trying to recreate his life with you,
with her. Does THAT make any sense?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The buyers of the house want to close ASAP. I would pay rent here until the closing of my house which would save me a mortgage payment here and at my new house. I can negotiate a small rental payment.
The realtor tells WS this and he flips, stating "Why are they rushing
US ?
WE were supposed to have one more month before the closing?" He is refusing to agree to this.
He hasn't called me yet. Is he now realizing that this is for real? He's losing his house and potentially his marriage? He's trying to stall, right, because he knows that he has to make a decision and get off the fence.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, I believe you've got it right.
Remember, you have to do what is best FOR YOU right now.....don't get sucked into his game, into his rationalizations, into his panic.
yes, his Freudian slips were showing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He was forgetting for a few moments that he wants NOTHING to do with yoU!!! He was panicking and seeing how it was all going to go away from him. POOF!! And you'd be gone. He sees his life with you slipping through his fingers, and he's starting to panic. ANOTHER reason, I believe, he went on the trip with her next day (trying to
recreate his life, with a counterfeit), so it might still "feel normal"
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My plan is to proceed with the closing ASAP. That's what's best for me. That's what I do in PLAN B.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ABSOLUTELY Right!
You're doing great, Mimi. I really haven't posted much at all, cause you're getting great advice from so many other, smarter people.
I just wanted to share about the "counterfeit" thing, with OP taking our place, and silly WS's, trying to re-create a life. Funny thing, isn't it? They dont' go make a NEW life, they try to recreate the OLD ONE!!! The one they don't want anymore..............
Go figure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
