I wrote:

To which TheRoad responded:

First of all, you need a lawyer to tell you if there are legal grounds you can use or not. Divorce is nearly always a legal ground, and in many cases filing for divorce is the way to implement Plan B. A lawyer is providing you a service, and you should shop around to find the best service provider you can.

Yes, there might have to be a legal separation, but there is going to be a divorce anyway. (Or worse, living in a marriage for life with adultery going on! An affair is WORSE than divorce!) Yes, there might have to be custody and support arrangements, but you are already paying for all of it anyway. (And again, shop for a lawyer who agrees with you that you should not have to support this and should not lose most of your time with kids over this and will fight for you to achieve that.) Yes, the wayward gets to continue the affair, but that is going on now! You can't reliably prevent all this stuff anyway. There are some things you can't control, and until you come to grips with that you are not going to be able to accomplish much of anything.

Dr. Harley says staying around and trying to Plan B in the wayward's presence is simply going to be more likely to lead to eventual divorce, in his experience. It is Plan C, where they see the worst of you and quickly cease to remember any reason why they want to stay married to you. That sounds completely logical to me.

Shopped around got very good law firm to reperesent me

First hearing with WW was custody. Got 50/50 shared.

Second hearing with WW was exclusive possesion of marital home during divorce. Wife got house....though I my lawyer believe's this was more a reflection on my capabilities to start another household for the children then her rights to the house. Women tend to always get exclusive possesion of house in PA

Third hearing spousal support(this was before custody judgement was rendered. Also wife is now making double what she made last year. Hearing postponed.

Fourth hearing back for spousal and child support. Thrown out I pay her nothing even though I make 6k plus more a year than WW.

Fifth hearing was her exception to custody...ie she needed more custody to get more money. Judge persuaded her to drop during pre-trial after he made it clear after attorneys pleaded cases that he thought custody was fine. As a bonus she is not allowed to have men stay the night in marital home and she also needs to provide proof of mental stability from her doctor...who has her on meds and her shrink.

Round six coming up which is her exception to support ruling. I expect another victory.

Home 3 months behind on mortgage since she has taken exclusive possesion which included all finacial responsibility.

Planning on going to court to either A have home put up for sale or B have exclusive possesion given to me.

Moral of story. A good attorney is worth every penny! Hers is a freind of her sisters who's first career was a nurse. I hope he was a better nurse than attorney.

I also meant to respond to this:


I have seen many people who have been here long enough that, if they had put five quarters in a jar every day starting from when they first posted, they could have afforded two sessions with Steve Harley per year. More than that could have paid for more sessions.

A lawyer is more expensive than that of course, but of course you can't afford anything if you don't save for it. A lawyer is cheaper than living in an affair marriage, no matter how much it costs. Quit spending, quit letting your wayward spend your money, sell your fancy truck and TV, take a second and third job for awhile if you have to, but get what you need to pay for what you need.

Also, ask people you know for help. You'd be surprised.

I think I know your WW's attorney.

Thinking you can't and not being able to are two different things.

Filing for divorce is sometimes the answer and sometimes not the answer.

Every situation has the pssibility to fall in between.

Hence the saying not everything is black and white. There are shades of gray.

I still hope to somehow save my marriage and I am hoping there is shades of grey......with that being said you must stand up and be prepared to fight for everything you hold dear. I have had an easier time with this than plan B. But I am finally where I need to be with B. I finally understand that plan B is more about me than her.