My h and I have been together for 8 years. 1st affair was apprx 2 years after marriage next one was in 2005. These were one night stands that I got over it by ignoring it.

This last one was from Jan 09 to Jan 10. This has been so difficult for me. I knew all along he was talking to her as a "friend". He confessed in Nov as I was packing my things to move out after I found out he kissed my bf. Said she was relocating to the area, she made him feel alive again, she was his bf. SHe and her h, thats right she was married with 2 kids that lived 500 miles away. They met on FB. I was under the impression they were childhood friends. He did kiss her while they stayed here.

He stopped talking to her in Jan and told me he only wants me and didnt realize how much he loved me until I left. I stayed gone for about 5 months. He has been treating me like a queen ever since then. I moved back in the house and now I am still having tonsof issues! I no longer want to have sex with him. Although he is so nice to me, I cant get passed it. He told me today that if I dont begin having sex with him and taking care of his EN then we will have to figure something out. (I was very sexual prior to last year)

Sometimes I begin to feel love for him and then boom, he talks about having sex again. I need to connect emotionally before that comes about. He is trying very hard to go out with me and have quality time.


We have been going to counseling since Jan and it has helped some. It is bringing out pain from the priors. Please help with this latest delima!

Sorry you are here but welcome.

A couple of questions:
Do you have children? If so, how many and how old?

Also were any of these affairs exposed to anyone?

Traditional MC is very damaging as couples typically end up lovebustering each other in sessions. That is why the Harleys split the session and talk to each spouse individually.

Three affairs is going to cause an awful lot of resentment and anxiety for the BS, and your H is going to have do a lot of work to help heal the injuries he has inflicted on you so that you can get to a place where you can feel safe enough to start meeting his ENs again.

Have you looked at the Requirements for Recovery? Is your H willing to be transparent, giving you passwords to email accounts, access to his phone, acocunting for all of his time? Is he willing to develop Extraordinary Precautions to help prevent another affair? Has he changed the way he interacts with women?

We have one together, soon to be 4, and I have a 13 year old step son.

I told her husband about a month after my H confessed. He wanted no further contact with me.

My H has deactivated FB, and I have all passwords to his accounts. We also had issues before where he would have long conversations with his ex-wife which has stopped and no longer allows his mother to disrepect me. He has, on his own, read several books such as Every Mans Battle and His Needs Her Needs... He said he wants to fix whatever was making him be the way he was.

He is truly sorry and is open to speak about the affair anytime I would like to.

All positives except the sex issue.

After all his efforts I am having trouble allowing myself to open up and let go. He is now at a breaking point since I am not giving in return.

XW?

Was he D'd before he met you? Why did he D?

Yes he had been divorced for a couple years.
He had an A.

so his ex wife left him because he had an A, but you are not the A partner he left his wife for?
blessing

No, I did not even know him then. He left his EW for the other woman.

needadvice, I am sorry for you. But you did marry a man who cheated on his W. Did you know this before you married him?
This is very sad, it is very sad to see that your WH is really a wayward and his behaviour has not changed even if he changed wife.
I can see why you are nervous, have you ever thought about this, have you ever thought that you might be so nervous because you know deep inside how wayward he is.
It is not said he will not turn around and be a wonderful H but you have to set your expectations very high.
Just the other day I was on MB radio and Dr. Harley told me that since my WH had two A, I could be pretty much sure that, if he ever came back, he would continue having A unless he really came back hat in hand and fully willing to work on the M and follow radical honesty and POJA. Which Dr. H was very skeptical my WH will ever be willing to follow.
Make sure yours is 100% on board to avoid any further heart break. Have you considered counseling with the Harleys?
Blessing

Have you read any threads and any of the things on this site about Freeloaders? IMHO, I think that your WH may be a freeloader in relationships. He was married, he cheated. He left that OW. He married you(which obviously happened within about 9 years since his 2 children are 9 years apart) and now he has decided to cheat again.

Why do you want to save this marriage?

Yes, I knew what happened in his 1st marriage. However, she is on the looney side from what I have experienced, among other things. He says she totally changed after they got married. If it is just her and I, she acts mean, if there are others around, she is just sweet as can be to me. So, in my mind, I thought, I'm not going to be that way, so no problem. WRONG!!

I want to save it most of the time. I am not fully vested as of now. He has changed dramatically in a positive way. His acts of kindness amaze me. Yet my heart will not open to him. My intimacy connection has been severed and I have not been able to mend this. He has a thread on here from early this year, I just need to get his username.

needadvice, are you married?

Thank you for all your feedback.

Yes I am married. We have been together for 8 years