Don't be a fool. She's just stringing you along while she tries to get OM to end his marriage.

Why is your child living without you?

Also, I would file for legal separation and get a TRO on the finances and try and recover what she stole. Speak with a lawyer. She's got 3 years to try and convince OM to leave his wife. If that doesn't work and you still aren't around, she'll start looking for someone else.

Bingo!!

Melody,
I agree that if she did not have the money she would be forced to move back home...
Once she has gained control of some money it is hard as hell...mainly impossible to get it back out of her control...
She moved it to an individual account in her name only, and I do not know where she moved it...
It would not do me any good because in Texas the wife is entitled to half of everything...whether she worked or not...
In Texas they just need a paper saying they are married to you...
Yes, I want to save my marriage...
I am struggling to get the other info needed, so that I can contact the OM wife...
I am working on it...

She is financing her affair with HIS MONEY.

Your wife does not have a court order that awards her thousands of dollars of family money to carry on an affair. There is nothing here. And in the state of Texas, even though it is a no fault state, they do take adultery into account in the division of assets.

You could be causing holy unmitigated hell for the OM if you just did some footwork here. Did you know that you can have that [censored] subpoenaed into court to give TESTIMONY under oath about his affair with your wife? You are holding a loaded gun against this affair and you need to use it!!

So, you need to contact an attorney and get your money back. She is probably hooked up with some polecat who knows you have money and is going after it. You need to stop twiddling your thumbs, my friend, and start fighting for your marriage. If you don't fight for it, no one else will.

I called the cell phone company, and they told me I can buy minutes online, but that I cannot view any call log data online...
I can only view the data from the actual cell phone, or I have to subpoena the cell call log data...
I have a friend that lives close to that area, and he drives by there many times each day...
My friend says there is nobody coming around, and no other cars parked there...
My friend only sees my wife and son at the house...
I am keeping tabs without parking out by the front curb...

Where have you been the last two years?

If your wife pulled out 3 yrs worth of living expenses from your joint accounts there is a record with your bank.

You said yourself that there is plenty of money. Yet you're balking at hiring a PI because...? This won't do, 17, not if you want to save your M.

Your WW is cake-eating and is getting her needs met by both of you.

Here's what happened: she met OM but isn't putting all of her eggs in his basket because there's a chance he won't leave his WW. So she's hanging on to you as a back-up.

In the meantime, she's going to make herself as attractive to him as she can. She's doing this by getting out of her marital home, setting up a bachelorette pad that he can come to in order to show him how great it's going to be with her. She's using YOUR marital funds to do this.

I am staggered that she was able to take so much money to finance her affair, and you're good with her having what amounts to an open line of credit via that credit card, in addition to leaving with so much family money.

17, all it takes is one good weekend in a tropical place to blow that whole credit card thing.

You, sir, need to take some action, here, instead of sitting on your hands and hoping she comes to her senses. She has no motivation to do that, so don't expect it to happen. You are operating under Plan Hope. That is a plan for failure.

You need to hire a PI!! Adulterers are very sneaky. Can you break into her email account?

Is your friend a licensed PI, or just someone who drives by the house occasionally? How do you know you WW didn't pick up OM? How do you know OM isn't parking down the street, around the corner?

You can't prove a negative - the fact that your friend only sees your WW and son doesn't mean there's no one else there.

Yeah...she'll seek 1/2 (of what's left)

meaning...she'll spend (or hide) whatever she took THEN want 1/2 of what you still have.

As a precaution...it MAY be time for you to consider opening up your own shoe box of cash under your bed.

Mr. Wondering

We can't help you if you don't answer our questions.

You have been asked a couple of times about:
* FB, does your W have a FB account? If so, have you checked to see there is anyone with OM's first name there? Can you hack into it?
* Email, can you hack into her account?

FB?? I just figured it out FaceBook...duh...
Yes, she has a face book account...
Our college children are on there with her alot...
I do not know the password...

I cannot get to her email account...

17m4, could you please answer my question of where you were for the last 2 yrs and why. During that time, when did you and your wife see one another? Have you even checked with your bank to see where your money went?

Help us help you, 17m4.

I went back and skimmed your first few posts and I was wondering: What is your proof of the affair? How do you know the A started online and that OM is married and has children? Do you know where online the A started?

RE passwords, have you tried? I have heard like 90% of people use either their name, child's name, pet name followed by 0-9 or a birthday. If you try this, just make sure that you space out your attempts and write it all down on a paper and cross off as you go.

I was in the deep west Texas area for my work, and I got home on the weekends. I checked with the bank, and she rolled a joint 401k account into her own individual account...with only her name on the account. The bank said that because I trusted my wife and had it as a joint account she was entitled to do that, and I could not do anything to change it. A lawyer did tell me that we could subpoena the cell records and the internet user profiles with email traffic to the website that she used. I cannot provide specific details because my wife knows that I go on this site and one other site, and I do not want her to get to much info.

If she withdrew 401k money into an individual account then the amount she removed will be subject to a 10% penalty come tax time....

Who's gonna be responsible for THAT next April 15th?

Might want to ask your accountant if you can or should avoid such penalty by filing "married filing separately". The question becomes...IF I file separately and she either fails to file or files but fails to claim or pay the penalty...can the IRS still come after ME for the penalty 3-5 years down the road???

You'll have to weigh the cost/penalty of filing "married filing separately" versus just filing "married" because it cost more combined to file individually (especially if your wife had no income).

Then again, she MAY agree to being responsible for such "penalty" or your eventual settlement agreement can take the extra cost of such penalty into consideration (meaning the penalty comes out of HER portion of the marital estate because SHE is the adulterer AND absent her adultery their wouldn't be a divorce and the money would still be in the 401k (and no penalty would have occurred).

I'd ALSO check more vigorously with the bank....most 401k account agreements have a box where married couples indicate that it takes TWO signatures to transfer out monies. Bankers make the mistake all the time of "trusting" known clients and allowing them to move monies around when, in actuality, they SHOULD HAVE gotten both your signatures. In addition...your wife MAY HAVE forged your signature on a withdrawal slip. The bank doesn't want a stink and so they just gave you the brush off excuse HOPING you'll take their word and not investigate further (thus...getting the bank employee and the whole department in trouble). The bankers response MAY HAVE been a "cover their a$$" response. I'm not certain...but double/triple check the accuracy of their statements and the nature of your account agreement with the bank. (you just MAY be able to procure your money back from them IF they truly messed up).

Mr. Wondering

I have never heard of a joint 401k. To my knowledge there is no such thing.

None of this makes sense.