I found this site, and came here, desperate for help. I admit, I have used other forums in the past, but the only resolve I have ever been given was to either kick her out, move away, or something of that nature. However, if there is some other way to bring resolve, I need to know what exactly that is...

So here's the situation: we have been married for 13 years, and have 2 daughters together (11 and 12). I knew my wife had a history of being sexually abused a few different times growing up, and knew from the beginning that she had issues emotionally with that. However, I never knew it would lead to her having 3 different affairs, all of which were gay/lesbian affairs. The first one was with a lady we went to church with, the 2nd time was with my former youth pastor and his wife (3 some), and the last time was this past year with a lady from a ministry team that we moved to Texas to support/help in their new church.

With the last affair, my wife moved a couple months before I did, as she got a job and would be taking care of things in Texas, while I was wrapping things up with my job, etc. in my home in Arkansas. I had strong suspisions of her having an affair, especially since I had seen the same signs both times before. Naturally, every time I questioned her on it, she denied it and became increasingly frustrated. But everything pointed to the fact that it was going on. Sure enough, in September of last year, she confessed she had been unfaithful throughout the summer.

She pulled completely away from the lady for about a month, not to her personal will, but at the advice of our minister and also because the other lady wanted it that way. But my wife was insistent that she get to talk to the lady again, and spend time with her. She has, and still claims that they were really close friends before the affair, and that is what she missed. In fact, due to the lady being over 20 years older than my wife, she looks at this lady as a mother figure more than anything else.

The lady now lives with us, and my wife claims we can't make it without her because she helps pay bills, etc. I still have suspisions some times that she is still being sexually active with the lady occasionally. Wife and I have been intimate sexually in over a year. I work 2 jobs, day and night. I do it because we need the money, but frankly, being away from home doesn't put the pain in my face every day. I know it doesn't make it go away, but it is like a "high" not being there to see the relationship between the 2. Whether or not they are in a "wrong" relationship or not, I dont want to be around the lady, and don't want to see my wife and her together. I have talked to my wife over and over about this, but to no avail. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and at the end of my rope.

I can't find anyone who seems to understand what I'm going through, but surely there is someone who can help.

Hi JF, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry you are here.

Your wife is a serial cheater. The solution is to kick her affair partner out of the house, of course, and affair proof your marriage. Everyone should know about her affair, especially your children. The more people who know, the more people to hold her accountable.

The next thing I would tackle is your job schedule. Holding down 2 jobs and being away from home is wrecking your marriage. You can 't very well save your marriage if you are not there.

The first order of business has to be to bust up her affair. Once you do that, we can help you with next steps.

You are in the right place, jesusfreak, but you have a lot of reading to do. Why do you continue to subsidize your wife's affairs? You enable her to carry on because there are no consequences to her actions - you work your butt off while she cheats on you - why do you do that? Have you exposed her affairs?

That woman must move out before another night passes. Be strong and put your foot down about this.

If your WW moves out, too, that's fine. Far better to have to Plan A her under another roof, than having their adultery carried out under your own roof.

I totally agree that EVERYONE needs to know about this. The higher profile the adultery partners have, the more people need to know.

Begin there and keep reading. You've come to the right place, where you'll find a step-by-step plan to get through this.