DAYAM!!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by suse (edited October 26, 1999).]

Good for you for holding out!<P>This was a test. He wanted to see if you were really committed to working on your marriage. If he can still get you to do little things like '222', then he still controls you. <P>I assume you have told him you wish to have no contact? If not, then you need to do this so he knows what your intentions are. The best way is through a letter, that you share with your husband. If you've already told him no contact, then he is being very disrespectful of you by trying to manipulate you this way. Don't fall for it!

NO CONTACT -- NO WAY, NO HOW! <P>If you make an exception now, you'll always find a reason that you'll have to respond to him, contact him in some fashion. DON'T DO IT.<P>Or... Have you H contact him and tell him what he thinks... Just Kidding.<P>Really: No contact. Then, to take you're mind off it, tell your H that you love him, you want to rebuild your marriage, and go do something fun TOGETHER.<P>Good luck -- keystone

WAY TOOOOOOO GO!!! I'M PROUD OF YOU (I'm sure you were torn!) AWESOME SUSAN YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!!<BR> KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK TOMORROW!!! <P> I'LL BE PRAYING!! FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<P><BR>

Keystone,<P>I had the exact same thought. But I was serious about it.<P>Let her H call and tell OM that W is okay and not to page her any more. (Calmly)<P>Let OM know that H is taking care of Susan and OM's attentions are not necessary or wanted.<P>Just my humble opinion.<P>------------------<BR>RobinAnn<P>*********<P>Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!

Thanks guys! Wish me luck today. I sure do dread it!!!!

RobinAnn --<P>Really was kidding about Hu contacting OM via pager or however. <P>Don't think Susan's H confronting the OM is a good idea. May drive then back together since H may vent everything and become too hurtful for all concerned.<P>H should Plan A, and keep it positive.<P>Susan: Hard as it may be, DON'T CONTACT THE OM. Try to incorporate your H into the void that you feel the OM fills. If you haven't already talked with him, tell your H what that/those needs are. Give him a chance to succeed -- the same way you would wish he would do if the show was on the other foot!<P>Good luck, and kep us all posted. We're all here for support -- keystone

Good for you. You should feel great about not contacting him.. Have a great day!!!

Here's an update -<P>Today I was in a copy/forms room at work and OM came in (I know he knew I was in there) and looked so sad. Then he happily said "the Braves stink, huh". I just said "yes they do". He asked if I had a lot to copy and I said he could go ahead. I moved across the room while he made his copy and did not look at him. He asked a couple of times "so, how are YOU?" All I ever replied was that I was fine. He got the message and did not continue to try to make converstion with me. He always went home at lunch and would get on AOL IM (screen name he created just for me) for me a little while. Today I was online at lunch and I noticed that he signed on, but never sent me a message. I figured he was checking to see if I had sent mail cause I always do. Today I didn't.<P>Boy, it was tough. I felt so rude. It is tough to be sooooo cool to someone that a few days before was my best friend.<P>It is easy to stop and wonder what harm it would do to just talk to him. But I know this is not possible, even if we are not involved in anything physical. Maybe it will get easier with time.

Susan -- <P>Take OM off your IM screen. Remove as much of his presence from your life. You've got to know that he fully expected you to be online at lunch. <P>PLEASE, having been betrayed by my W and her a "friend" (emotionally, not certain if got physical yet) -- CUT YOUR TIES TO THE GUY.<P>Put your H on your IM. E-mail H when you would have e-mailed OM. Create new memories with your H and put the OM behind you.<P>I know it must be tough. We're not unsympathetic. Just keep up the good work -- <BR>keystone<BR>

I told a really close friend about today's happenings and she asked if I was abrasive! Now let me guess, I bet that you guys would say that in this situation there is not such things as abrasive. I do really think he was concerned for me and that I had no concern for his feelings.

Susan--<P>I'm sure he was concerned about you. THAT'S THE PROBLEM. You and your H must start being concerned about each other. That cannot begin until you stop worrying about the OM. <P>Re:your co-worker. How much does this person know about the situation. Does she know enough of the situation to fully evaluate it, or just that you had a "friendship" with a co-worker. Big difference, and maybe one that should NOT be your friend/co-worker's business. Just a thought.<P>PLEASE, just as you would like your H to make you the center of his universe, make him yours. Leave the OM (and his feelings) alone.<P>And, by the way, keep up the good work. It ain't easy! -- keystone<BR><p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited October 27, 1999).]

Susan --<P>Sorry. I assumed your friend offering advice was another co-worker. Don't know why.

Hey Keystone....<BR>Thanks you are right. It is not a co-worker but a really close friend that understands the situation. I asked her again if she really thought I was abrasive. Well, I had it all wrong, she was HOPING I was abrasive. She is sticking up for me and my marriage I guess.

But you are right IT IS NOT EASY! Thanks for all the encouragement. You keep me going.

Susan --<P>Okay... So how's today going?<P>Make us all proud -- keystone

You are holding me accountable aren't you buddy? Thanks! I really need that, and thanks for being interested. <P>You can be proud. I minded my business again today. I was in the forms room again and OM came by and stuck his head in the door and said "working late today". I said "yes making up some time I guess". He just walked off after that because he can tell I am not going to initiate any conversation. His face looked awful, really sad and unhappy. I hate that, but he will adjust. Oh, by the way, at least I am only part time and work only about 4 hours a day. I worked until 2:00 today, catching up on some stuff I got a little behind on while I was out the other day.<P>Now, let me make you a little prouder. My husband and I had a long talk last night. (Not to mention a little fun too, first time in about 6 months) We are trying harder to communicate and he says he can definitely tell a difference in me since I began counseling. I told him I thought we would be fine, but it would take time and work, and much communication.<P>So what do you think? Proud of me now????<BR>I'm ready for the weekend!!!

Susan:<P>Nice going.... Keep it up. I'm glad you held out with no contact. I gave up all contact with my OP over one year ago and it was a bit rough at first but every day gets easier and easier. Not that I don't still give it a thought from time to time just to find out how the OP is but I remind myself that home is where the heart is and I get through it real quick.<P>Keep it up you'll make it.<P>Flip

Way to go!! I'm proud, and I'm sure everyone else is, too!<P>Best thing is that your using this as an added incentive to communicate with you H.<BR>I wish that I was communicating with my W, but other than in counseling, it isn't happening. 15+ years of marriage and NOW we don't seem to be able to really talk meaningfully. Great, huh.<P>Anyway, keep up the hard work. I'm certain there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully it will make your resolve that much stronger.<P>Keep in touch -- keystone

Susan,<P>Keep it up. You don't really need advice do you? The answer is right before you. Divorce the OM and keep the H. Sounds really good with your H. I hope you keep up the talking and the fun . The fun really helps.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited October 28, 1999).]