Okay, somebondy had to ask...
My story can be found on a different post: Okay I nuked on Friday 2/19 Was It A Mistake?
But I am trying to hold my Plan A while I work towards either counseling or a possible Plan B at Christmas time. Yes, there is still some love in me.
So SERIOUSLY, what kind of present to you give a WW who has yet to repent (even if the A has stopped or is over) for Christmas?
I honestly need to find part of me that is the natural giver and balance it with that part of me in pain and that part of me that wants Recovery but isn't there yet.

I don't want to punish with no present or a meaningless present. Ideas for this BH who plans gifts for Christmas in advance? Its okay to smile - just don't respond if you are going to make me feel worse than I have been feeling. Maybe someone came upon just the right gift? And yes it won't work to give her a gift card for Steve H.
Ideas? Help me smile someone?

Hurtingturkey
ME: BS age 56 male
?WW: age 49
Ours: age 11
Hers: ages 22 & 17
Mine: ages 22, 27 & 30
Original DD: April 26, 2009
2nd DD: February 1, 2010
Exposed: 2/19/10
Deep in Plan A
Considering Plan B in December 2010
Fixing Me and Succeeding
Struggling to Fix Us mostly by myself
Slightly Desperate but Not in Despair
Lots to think about!

That is still a way off in plan A terms.

Count on giving her something very nice (not necessarily expensive) that has something to do with something she is interested in or has mentioned in passing conversation or that is just plain cool.

If you are still in plan A by then, you give it with all your heart and soul. If you have moved to B by then, she gets nothing.

If you ARE still in A and give it, it will be a beautiful memory for you and for her once you move to B should you need to go there.

Plant seeds of love and romance and deep devotion now. No expectations of your needs being met but meeting hers.

Divorce papers?

Really, it may be the most loving thing you can offer. If your WW is not willing to end the affair by Christmas, tell her you are willing to meet her needs as long as she's not involved in the affair, but since the affair has continued, you are offering her her freedom with the divorce filing. That you will no longer accept her neglect and emotional abuse and she's free to go, just sign off on the property and custody agreement provided and she'll be free.

If not, then she can end her affair, enter into the program and when someone from Marriage Builder calls and says she's on board, you'll put the divorce on hold.

So if you are asking me what I would do, I would offer her a choice for Christmas, a good marriage with you, a good divorce(from your perspective, at least as much as one can be) or an ugly divorce if she wants to make it that way.

She can choose and you'll respect her choice.

This has been on-going for about 6 months now. Either she ends the affair, or you divorce her, it's about that time.

I think that would make a wonderful Christmas present.

HT, the affair has ended, so the time for Plan A is long, long over. What should happen NOW is recovering your marriage.

That is the best Christmas gift I can think of.

Thank you all for the comments. Melody Lane... I guess I just am so lost and in so much pain that perhaps I am grasping at straws. I find myself constantly thinking about leaving. I just cannot do it alone anymore or so it seems. She is lost in her struggles with school. I think I can handle the truth. I cannot handle it being covered up. I don't want to be no my death bed wondering.
I don't think I can recover by myself. There is no romance, there is no truth. She has told me she wants to feel cared for and I am at wits end to know what else I can possibly do. I don't know if what kept me in love for such a long time can sustain me anylonger. I am too afraid. Too hurt. I continue to live with anti-D and weekly (sometimes twice weekly) therapy for myself. She apparently cannot open up. My home is and has been pleasant and safe for her. I believe she knows I am committed to that. I know she has seen me change. But inside I am all torn up. I really believed that this beautiful, caring woman I met 14 years ago loved me. It was an amazing experience to fall in love with her. Sometime late last winter or very early in the spring my "in love" just stopped.
Perhaps I am unrealistic. I really want to believe Dr. Harley that returning to a loving "in love" marriage after an A is possible. I know Dr. H writes that some Waywards never will mention it and that to save the marriage you have to suck it up and move forward. The truth is no matter how hard I try I still feel pain and torment beyond my imagination. I lie next to her at hight (as I did last night) and she gently drifted off to sleep as I held her. I believe she felt safe and cared for. But, I don't feel loved. I feel like a father with a daughter who is hurting. The husband and wife relationship is not there. I think about how we were when we began. She does not have any romantic feelings for me. I feel inadequate and unworthy and I know the part of me that used to yell to get my way did an enormous amount of damage. I am not blind. I can see the selfish parts of her. I keep dreaming that she will make some effort to truly love me. Why can't she see the pain and torment in me? I liken it to my being unable to see the pain I caused her by raising my voice and arguing to win. I just could not see it. But now the damage is done. The truth is I feel I am getting worse and not better. By trying to focus on a present for Christmas I give myself something to look forward to. I do not want to abandon her during what for her is incredibly tough school challenges. Yet I feel I am at my limit. She will not put effort into counseling because once again school has priority. I know my deceased Dad told me people who do not stay when the chips are down are worthless. And for her, the chips remain down. But the pain I am experiencing is wearing me thin, and slowly the idealist that I always was is slipping away.
I want a marriage where my wife wants me, I want a marriage where I feel that I make my wife happy. I want also a marriage where my wife wants to make me happy. There was a time early on in our marriage where those things existed. Am I just immature believing that it is possible to be in love after lots of mistakes thirteen years into marriage? Would my Dad tell me to just tough it out? Will the right words, the right letter, the right card, the right present the right something make a difference? I feel desperate. Absolutely desperate. I keep dreaming that she will come to me and cry as I did when I realized my verbal abuse. When I wrote both of our families that I was a verbal abuser. Would she love me enough to admit her faults? Perhaps I want too much.
I feel desperate every day. I can seperate my feelings (I am writing them above) from my actions now. But I am dying inside and I am consumed by the pain.
I do believe she is committed to marriage with me but her definition of marriage and mine are apparently very, very different.
I am sorry for being a cry baby. Its whats inside of me and I am able every day to treat her wonderfully (and I do), but the my needs part is not being addressed. I try to subvert it and I am successful in my actions. But in my mind...
Pain. Torment. Pain.
If the truth were to be spoken to me with some kind of honest repentence, maybe I could handle it.
But I don't feel safe, and I am afraid everyday. Everyday.
I will try to focus on a present that she would like for Christmas. I do not know if I can hang in there much longer.
This must hasppen to other BS's but I don't know if they really ever get past it.
I don't want to be wondering about it when I am dying. Having learned for the first time in my life thirteen years ago what being in love was like, I don't want to live without it.
Perhaps I am in withdrawl. Perhaps she is. I just don't know what to do.
My blessings.

Hurtingturkey
ME: BS age 56 male
?WW: age 49
Ours: age 11
Hers: ages 22 & 17
Mine: ages 22, 27 & 30
Original DD: April 26, 2009
2nd DD: February 1, 2010
Exposed: 2/19/10
Deep in Plan A
Considering Plan B in December 2010
Fixing Me and Succeeding
Struggling to Fix Us mostly by myself
Becoming more and more desperate by the day
Lots to think about!

I don't recall the details of your story but no Christmas present is going to fix this. She needs to get onboard with marital R. If she won't, then you have decide when enough is enough.