Sorry, this makes almost no sense....complications lead to C-sections (US C section rate is 32%, and higher than 50% in some areas) C sections do have risks and they decided that if they were in there anyway, she would get her tubes tied. A V is lower risk than a tubal OR a C section.

This was an awesome win win and you are accusing him of making a dumb bargain?

I think TheRoad misunderstood the original C-section post.

I understood the poster to say that

IF the delivery became complicated

and IF that complication required a C-section

THEN the surgeons would be asked to perform a tubal litigation at the same time.

IF the delivery was normal the wife would not undergo a separate surgical procedure for a tubal litigation. If the delivery was normal, the husband would get a vasectomy.

This was probably decided upon because tubal litigation is a more complicated procedure than a vasectomy, and so it would only be undertaken if surgery for a C-section was required at the same time.

I think TheRoad read the post as saying that if the C-section became complicated she would have the tubal litigation. I don't think this was what the poster meant.

A vasectomy was the best $100 co-pay I ever spent.

Get over your fears and do it. It's very liberating.

Follow the guidance, go back for your follow ups, take your ejaculate samples to make sure you are shooting blanks and then enjoy sex without fear of pregnancy.

This is really a simple thing you can do for both yourself and your wife.

A tubal ligation was the best thing I ever did for myself. It was a 15 minute operation and I was concious (by choice) but drugged. Then two days later I was doing my hour long walks and back at work.

Just wanted to stress here that it was not all easy for a long time ... took a LONG time to get my wife on board with marriage builders so she could LEARN how to be sensitive and supportive towards me She wasnt very supportive until we BOTH took on marriage builders seriously. We had a very rough period for several years while we lived together in withdrawl and conflict. After I found marriage builders and began learning and recognizing what a REAL marriage looks like and began working on me so i could be an example for my wife. I just can not believe the turn around that marriage builders did for us in the long run! Took only a few counselling sessions (many years later after MB discovery on my part before we got counselling) to convince my wife to try the cheaper method of just following the basics here(she was convinced becasue i was bringing it up all the time that it was meant for guys only). You can read my story if ya like .. its pretty short. I was shy to post often and really only posted when i hit a wall and didnt know where to vent.

ANYHOW ...I agree with the other posters .. it seems there is other deep rooted issues underlying the problem here. I agree you should not get it done until your both on board with creating a loving environment without resentment and ulimatums. NO ONE should have to have ultimatums .. thats a selfish demand. I would wait as others have suggested until she is a bit more positive and supportive and understanding of you to do it. Kinda like the dog whisperer.. do not give affection while in the wrong state of mind, it will only encourage continued bad behaviour! Instead be calm assertive until the right state of mind is achieved, because if you comply during her bad state of mind she will win in her mind and use selfish demands again to get what she wants. That my friend is not good for ANY marriage. I am not saying DONT do it ... however .. do it for YOU and your wife but do it out of love for eachother or you will create more distance and resentment towards one another and it will continue to be a trigger for fights.

JMHO

*shrugs*

The "V" Word scared my H when I proposed that he consider that as a birth control option...

He was very apprehensive in even thinking about going through the procedure...

I did not demand that he get the vasectomy. I simply wanted us to be able to have "spontaneous" love-making without us having to wait for me to prepare our method of birth control. Which was using a spermicide and diaphragm.

This was in 1988. When he balked at the idea, I was not upset or angry... I simply started thinking of other options... I presented Option #2 to him, which was me willing to have my tubes tied...

I wanted us to have a "win-win"... Therefore, I was more than ready, willing and able to go through a procedure that would enhance our romantic moments!

Long story short ~ H talked to his male friends who had "been there~done that"... They were men whom my H admired & respected. All of them told my H that having a "V" was the best thing they had ever done... Not just for their wives ~ But for themselves!

One day, H came home from work and asked me to set up an appointment with a urologist. I did. We went in together for the consultation... My sweet H was still scared spitless at the thought of someone touching him down there with a sharp instrument!

The doc explained everything about the procedure, beginning with the night before the operation... On the morning of his appointment, he took the "magic pill" which relaxed him as I drove him to the doctor's office... By the time we got there, he was feeling absolutely, positively NO ANXIETY about NUTHIN'!!!!!

From the time we got to the doc's office and home again, was less than two hours!!!!! He experienced some discomfort over the weekend, but nothing that Ibuprofen could not handle... On Monday morning, he was ready to race!!!

I will ask my H to read the posts. He may have a bit of encouragement to offer you...

Now ~ Let's talk about your relationship with your DW...

I am in complete agreement that you two need to seriously contemplate your relationship... Please read all of the information contained in the links above... They contain vital information regarding your "willing to be willing" to work on how you "discuss" your thoughts & feelings without falling into the trap of being disrespectful!

And, yes! There are people right here at your fingertips who are ready, willing and able to encourage both of you as you endeavor to be "one"...

One last thing ~ Whether you choose to have a V or not is your decision... Period! If your DW becomes upset, ambivalent, angry, apathetic, etc. when you say "No" to a V... Well, you need to simply let her be where she is... You are NOT responsible for how she "feels"... Her feelings are hers. She has an opportunity to start peeling back the layers of her emotions in order to reveal the "root". Be patient with her... Believe me when I say I understand how hard it is to allow the most important person in your life "struggle well"... Without your "help"...

God Bless ~



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