In the long run this is true. But right now I cant see myself having the level of happiness I once had with her. But her is gone.I also hold women at arms length so as not to develope attachments. I had many chances to cheat but I never did ,I truely could not live with myself if I did. It would be writen all over my face. I will never understand the mindset that allows these people to do this and go through a string of OP thinking that oh well its just a numbers game or bad luck cause theres nothin wrong with me. But I am kinda wasting my time at this point trying to make scents out of WWs. life goes on.Thanks all , sometimes I wish I could move to a spot that did not hold so much memories for me. The house I once loved aint helping me, memories from decades past are attached to where I know live

Isstill,

I think when you become divorced and you are finally morally free of your W that you will find that the best is yet to come. Seriously. I started a company when I about your age and life has been very good for the last 15 years with regard to many things.

There are women out there that have morals, are seeking a man who has morals, and who has the capacity to love and appreciate them. If you are man with that capacity, it can be returned to you. Take this step by step. Clearly you are on the path to divorce and there is no reason to stop it. Clearly she is on her own path and it does not match up with you, your life or your goals. You life path will bring you into contact with people much more compatible with you than the woman that is currently your W. Life can be good.

Hang in there stay on course. I would also recommend that once the divorce is done, sell the house, and move to someplace new that offers you a new decor, a new freedom, and a place that you look forward to being in.

Please think about this.

JL

So much for that ,her soulmate is back and she lies about it and wants speed ahead with divorce..."as quickly and painlessly as possible" wants cash,suprise,suprise,suprise, she went right back to eveil in a flash,, I think things will go well until whatever she gets in the divorce is gone then I think soulmate will dump her. She is stupid, And she is most likley lieing to everyone who told her to be alone ,see no one, and heal up. Whatever, she pulled me in a little but not alot and thats good, Moving on, thanks all ,Glad this place is here

Have you considered going into Plan B for your own piece of mind?

No I am divorcing the evil itch

You could still go into Plan B at the same time as Plan D. It would help keep you sane. Just give it some thought.

well,well,well. one day before mediator is going to draw up a draft for divorce I get this email from WW..... I think this email is way to long coming to you but her goes anyway.Words do not express how sorry I am for hurting you.The pain I have felt for the last month has given me insite into the pain that I have caused you. and now my heart aches to no that I have caused this in another person. I am sorry to the bottom of my heart. I am stuck in a place of so much sorrow that i do not no how many tears I have left but they will not stop. I am strong and I will make it but I had to express to you the sorrow that I have put you through what I am now going through. I hope you are well you deserve that. Plaese except my deepest apology for causing you all the pain. I am truly sorry.... What does she want ? sounds like she has broken up with solemate again,or mabey she has spent a month apart from him like she said . anyway could the vets give me some insight as to what she wants ( esp the gals) Is she looking for an ,,Oh its ok honey have a good life you deserve that? is it hoovering,is it an attempt to ease guilt, She keeps apologising throughout this whole affaire witch it kinda like stabling you a hundred times with an ice pick with a heartfelt apology between each blow. Or is it her way of trying to open a door with us. Is it a break in the fog? or perpetual motion ,cold fusion,cure for cancer,or maby anti gravity . anyway please help me decode this, thanks again Andyjones

she sent you a similar message not too long ago. The thing is...the A is dying and I suspect fights are more and more frequent with OM or maybe he is gone for a while again (he must be seing a woman his age by now..)
Is your WW telling you she wants to stop the D? NO
Is she telling you she wants to come back to you? NO
Is she scared that if OM left her she will be all alone? YES
Is she hoping to use you as a spare tire? YES
IS she hoping for you to say: well do you want to stop the D? YES
She is bad news. I would continue with the D procedures till she speaks her mind and tell you what she wants...and then, I would still D.
Blessing

I would say that this is a self-serving email that she has sent to you in order to assuage any guilt she is feeling for causing you pain.

Andy, it is not in your best interest to be drawn into this drama with her. She is looking for affirmation from you (Oh, it's okay, I'll be alright.) NO, it's not okay.

I would suggest that you continue with the D. Email her back and tell her that you no longer wish to accept communication from her. Don't get wordy. Keep it short and business-like. Thank her in advance. Click send. Done.

See, I think that Dr. Harley needs to explain better the concept of the love bank.
There should be no love left for a WS from a BS because no deposits have been made for a huge amount of time and, on top of that, the WS has done the most disrespectful things on earth to the BS...yet look at us here isstillgoing, myself and many others..still having feeling for our WS!
The love bank does not make sense to me...sorry.
blessing

Maybe you have overdraft protection? Sorry, couldn't resist.
It's hard to explain why a BS would still have feelings for a WS, but doesn't the heart sometimes work that way? I think it has to do with the level of commitment. You have invested a great deal of commitment in your M. Your emotions are reluctant to let that go.

yes, this is a better explanation that love units deposits. The WS makes no deposits during the A or during plan A or B. It only makes withdrawals. With that logic after 6 months to a year the BS should have a balance way below zero..
blessing

Yep I agree on the love bank . I mean after this much time and crap I am not empty,I pray every day for god to remove the pain in my heart,,,3 years latter. I cant think of anything she has done as far as deposits go ,just withdrauls and overdrafts, Andy

Yep, I agree that after 3 years of this cr^p she has put you thru you should feel only hate for her not any good thing.
I pray too that all the interest I have for WH will soon disappear, in terms of love bank my account should be so low to be almost impossible to feel again... should be..
blessing

Hey there Atena , as you were decoding her latest email you mentioned that she would want me to ask to stop the divorce procedings , why would she do that .I think she would just say no,would it be just a need to get out the ice pick again or what

Of course i might be completely wrong. But a WS always wants to keep her cake and eat it too. Why not? she could still be M to you and use you as a fallback and keep seeing OM till it lasts.
It would be sort of interesting to see what she wouuld answer you were you to say: wow your email sounds like you are really re-thinking the D, is this they way I should interpret it?

The only thing is, if she says...no, no I stil want the D...then it will be another painful blow on you and you do not deserve this...you deserve to start living your life and to D her
blessing

Itstill,

I like atena's list of possible reasons for her contacting you.

Here is my guess. I actually had this happen with a fiance who cheated on me. I broke the engagement and few years later she tried to contact me.

I think she does want a fall back, and that is as a "friend". She wants to assuage her guilt and have you say, "its alright dear I understand why you stabbed me in the back repeatedly." She wants to soften you up for the negotiations of the assets.

My thought is that all of these are in play from moment to moment. She is trying to actually avoid the thought that she might lose decades of history if you divorce her and never see her again. She is trying to avoid the thought that you might really hold the view that she is an evil woman that did not care even a little bit for her husband.

In short, she is trying to avoid...lots of things.

Personally, since she did not ask for anything, did not solicit any comment from you, and did not indicate any interest in you at all really, I would simply leave it alone and proceed as you want to.

God Bless,

JL