I'm new here, but I've been trying to cope with my fiancee's having an affair with a co-worker. WE were supposed to get married in December, and he got cold feet even though he said we were "madly in love." He was scared he couldn't make me happy, and found this Russian woman who intrigued him. After I found out that he had spent a weekend with her instead of visiting his mom, we went to a therapist and she said for him to let me read the email that "cooled things down" with OW. I read it, and it didn't cool things down. He claimed it was just a fling. I found other emails to a couple other women that he met online....so the next day I left and moved my stuff out of our house. When I called the next night, he was at the OW house. After two weeks, I came back, and she started calling me and showed up at our door, stalking him. She told me he would just keep fooling around on me because I couldn't satisfy him (the way she could, I guess). Buytt he told her to leave and he says that he's not seeing her. Meanwhile, he finds fault with me about everything and seems hot and cold. My friends keep telling me to leave, that he's hurting me, but I love him. What should I do to bring him back?

Listen to your friends. Your former fiance is letting you know in the worst possible way that he is not ready to get married, and prefers to date around.

If he's doing this to you now, he will cheat on your after you marry. Cut your ties with him and move on to someone who will cherish you and not cheat on you.

And come here with your next fiance to learn how to build a great marriage.

Good luck.

Agreed. Find someone who is as committed to the ideal of marriage as you are. While you're just "dating", it's OK to date multiple people at the same time. Once you propose, it's time to start playing by the same rules you will once you're married. It's clear he doesn't understand this; despite the pain of loss, I'd say "move on"!

I know you are in love with him and this is not what you want to hear right now.

You do need to break things off with him and recover from the experience of being cheated on by your beloved.

You do not need to do anything to win him back. He would need to win you back in the future and you will need to move on as though that isn't going to happen and rebuild your life with a new future for yourself.

It sucks. It just does.

He isn't nearly marriage material right now or even steady boyfriend material.

You are not married and this "so called" fiance just screwed up his interview to be your "husband"

Ditch him

Run don't walk the other direction

He is not marriage material

You will only get pain and heart ache if you marry this man

Change your number or block his, block his FB, Email etc

You are very smart for coming here, you are catching his adulterous early BEFORE you marry him and have kids together.

Your best bet is to leave him, and find someone who WILL pass the interview to be your wife.

Hi Inpain

I am sorry to hear this, it must be really painful for you. It is not nice to have someone do this to you.

However, you are in lucky in some ways you have seen him in his true colours before you married him. There are many many people on this forum dealing with cheaters whilst married and believe me it is not somewhere you want to be.

My advice, is to leave this guy, cut off all contact with him, no emails no texts, no phone calls, complete no contact. Stay with a good friend or family member to support you, so you won't contact him.

Then see what he does to try and win you back and the effort he goes to. Then you can come here and post on the forum and we can give you help and support, and you can make a decision on your future with time and space that you deserve.

Sometimes we have to learn a painful lesson in life, yes you love somebody, but at what cost?

Harmony

Respect yourself enough to move on.

I'm no one to throw stones at folks who've had affairs & who are remorseful, but your fiance has shown by his repeated straying that he's not, and that he just doesn't take you all that seriously. Dating & engagement are a job interview for marriage, and he's like the job candidate who comes in and takes a leak on your desk in his job interview. And you still want to hire him??

Sorry, I just don't have a lot of truck for guys who treat their loved ones this way and aren't even all that sorry about it. There are over a billion guys on this plant planet of marriageable age, and one of them has got to be better for you. If you had some kids, if you had a long track record of a loving relationship to build upon, maybe I'd say differently, but you don't even have a marriage to save. Consider yourself lucky, cut your losses, and find someone who'll treat you decently.

Be lucky you had this happen before you married him.

He's broken and most likely will never be fixed.

Move on, you will heal, then find some one that will treat you well.

Have you always dated the same type of guy? Then need to ditch that type.

Sooo...where did you say you live, GO?...

I would get down on my knees and thank the Lord you didn't end up married to this loser. This man is not marriage material, he is nervous breakdown material. Why would you settle for such a man? Why would you damn yourself to a life of hell? You see your future. Who would choose a future with a liar and cheater?

Your friends are right, you should leave. You live in a country where you have the freedom to choose your husband. Don't squander that freedom on a obvious bad choice. RUN!

Just to clarify, I'm not a spring chicken. We were both married for 20 plus years when we met three years ago (we had both been divorced-me for a short time, him for five years). We're in our fifties. But he left his wife by fooling around, he seems to do that when he wants to escape.

I still love him, we went all over the world together, but he's grumply all the time, still seeing her, I even found Viagra in his briefcase, but he says he's not seeing her. He works late every night now, and we still live together. Should I give up??? At my age?

I did leave for two weeks, but contacted him. He says I criticize him, yesterday we had a huge fight. I had an important job interview and he didn't even call me. Other people in my life called to see how it turned out, but I think he was out to dinner with OW, came home late, distracted and had to immediately leave for half an hour to get milk. He's not a total loser, he has a good job and provides well, and is responsible, but I don't get why he wants to screw up our relationship.

I know, I'll try to move out. Not too many options, but I have enough money to rent a decent apartment. Afraid of his anger; last night when I expressed my disappointment at his lack of interest in my job interview, he said I was criticizing him and would be "working Late" tonight....Aargh, how to I get out of this?

I think it would be better to be alone than to be constantly wondering if the man I was married to was running around behind my back all the time, discovering affairs down the road and praying I didn't catch an STD.

He has a history of behaving badly and you know this. Is this what you want to deal with for an indefinite amount of time?

Count your blessings you aren't married yet, cut your losses and find someone who respects and loves you and is willing to be a partner... a teammate.

Thanks, I think you are right. I just need to find a place to live.....

"He's not a total loser"...

I beg to differ!