New here and I need some help. My wife about a month ago started talking about another man. Someone at her work. They hung out a few times with others from work. But then she started to find ways to go see him for short periods of time. "Just running to the store, and WOW, I ran into him" type stuff. Anyway, she eventually went out with him on two separate occasions and they shared some passionate kisses. She claims it never went further than kissing and some touching. Naturally, I'm not sure what to believe.

My problem is that, of course, I'm devistated, but I want to reconcile and make things better. We've discussed the factors of our relationship that have lead her to do the things she did. Her "Taker" side took over and she did what she wanted. She pursued him, he knew she was married, and they both are guilty. She says that he's just nice to talk to and that they have a deep understanding. She NEVER talks to me. I can tell when she's upset and I ask her what's the matter and she never opens up to me. I don't understand how she can so easily open up to another man, when I've litterally chased her around our house trying to get her to talk.

Anyway, the next hurdle is for her to break off all contact with the other man. She has been reluctant to do this and, as a result, I moved out last Wednesday. I have found that she is still talking to him, but she said on Sunday that she was ready to cut the other man out of her life and focus on us, but while she was telling me this, he called her twice. I later found out that she left the house a couple hours later and I tried to find her. She came home smelling of alcohol and claims to have gone to the bar alone because she had to get away from the house because she felt so alone there and guilty for causing this whole mess. Well, I was convinced since he had called her while I was there that she was with him so I went for broke. I hacked into her cell phone account and attempted to use a GPS to get her location but she had turned her phone off. She was another level of mad at the invasion of privacy (and to some extent, rightfully so) but this is all driving me crazy!

I want to go home. I want to fix things with my wife but I'm finding that her reluctance to give 100% effort to fixing the marriage to be painfully frustrating. I can't do this on my own, and it takes two to tango, right? Is there anything I can do to speed this process along? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Move back into your home immediately!

You need to move back home.

Expose WW affair to OMW, WW parents, work: send letter to HR, CEO, board or directors.

WW has to write a NC letter approved by you and sent by you to the OM to ensure delivery.

WW to maintain NC can no longer work for the same company as the OM and must leave her job.

@Faithful - +1

@Everything - You must move back in. She is choosing waywardness. Let the onus of the leaving be on her. In a marriage there are NO SECRETS. She is not protecting your relationship.

Steps to bring back on board

#1 NUCLEAR EXPOSURE - without this you will be in the wild. Others will chime in that you need to go underground with your snooping to gather your intelligence. Read up on PrincessMeggy! Your are now in war to fight for your marriage. One battle at a time.

#2 PLAN A - Read! Read! Pepperband's tag line . Also Read This!

#3 PLAN B - Your not here yet

READ! STUDY!

I know you want that silver bullet. THERE IS NO SILVER BULLET!

READ the MarriageBuilders basic concepts. I copied and pasted them and sent them to my phone as e-mail. I study and study.

The OM isn't married. WW parents know and are devistated. People at her work, who I know quite well, are suspect, but few (only 1 for sure) know exactly who it is. Again, the EA is with a co-worker. I want her to quit her job, but she and her parents think that "in this economy" work is hard to come by. Well, in the healthcare field in which WW works, it's quite easy to come by.

How do I go about exposing it at work? Is it worth the risk of my wife getting fired? Is it a good idea to make it known by sending a letter or email that I am the one who did the exposing? I talked to a co-worker of her's yesterday and she knew (I just confirmed everything she said) everything that was going on. I guess I need help on how to make this known to her employer and his employer.

She seems to think that maintaining contact with OM isn't that big a deal. I told her it's the first and largest roadblock on us getting back together, but she just shruggs it off. It seems like she has moved on already, but is trying to find value in our relationship. Our anniversary is tomorrow and I'm not going to call her. She want's to be alone for a while to figure some stuff out. So she'll be alone.

Your first order of business is to get back into your home.

Screw the economy.

In this life, actually maintaining and respecting marriage is hard to come by.


You say healthcare field, if she is an RN, there is NO excuse for not changing jobs. RN jobs rain from the sky in my REGION of the US. Not just my city or state, the entire region.


"Alone to figure stuff out..."

Is a ploy. Pure as driven poo.

She thinks it "isn't a big deal" because she is selfish and in denial. She is trying to have her cake and eat it, too. She thinks that now that she has your attention, she can "just be friends" with him without crossing the line, or maybe she does want to cross the line. My FWW pulled the same crap. They don't want to lose that source of EN meeting. Don't accept it, recovery can't happen while contact persists.

It is totally worth exposing to her employer and coworkers - and who cares about her coworkers? If they support her being an aldultress, they aren't very good friends. You need to kill it and kill it dead. Expose huge, expose on FB, buy a billboard. Break the fog.

everything, if you want to save your marriage, you need to go back home. Giving her the cold shoulder will avail you nothing, except maybe a divorce. I suspect you think you will get her back by doing this, but all it does is effectively throw her into the arms of the OM. Giving the cold shoulder to a DETACHED person only gives them what they want.

Leaving is the opposite of fighting for your marriage. You are handing a WIN to the OM. Not only are they free to carry on the affair, but you have made it possible for them to carry on the affair IN YOUR HOME.

You, Sir, need to buck up here and rain HOLY UNMITIGATED HELL on the affair if you want to save your marriage.

Expose the affair to the workplace. Send a letter [we have a sample] to the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both their supervisors. Expose the affair everywhere, to her parents, family, the OM's parents and family, everywhere.

Before you do that, move back home. After you expose the affair, go have a mano to mano with the OM and tell him his affair is over. Let him know that there is no future with your wife and you will have him dragged into court if he doesn't stop.

This is the message you should be giving the affairees rather than running when the going gets tough:

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney. This letter should be sent to the Director of Human Resources and cc�d to the adulterers supervisors and a key VP. It is critical that this letter be sent to several people so no one person can give into the temptation to bury the issue.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney. This letter should be sent to the Director of Human Resources and cc�d to the adulterers supervisors and a key VP. It is critical that this letter be sent to several people so no one person can give into the temptation to bury the issue.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

I just found this site yesterday and I've come to realize that I've already broken the guidence on how to recover from this. We agreed that I would stay away until Sunday (Halloween). At that point, she should tell me that she either wants to be married or wants another life, even though she knows it won't be with the OM (even more wreckless to have the EA in the first place!). I'm going to give her until Sunday. At that point, I will let her know that if the contact continues outside of work (and I'll know since I have access to her cell phone call log) then their employers will be notified of their inappropriate behavior and will likely both be fired. In the mean time, she needs to start behaving/acting in a way to earn the trust back. Complete NC with OM is the first and most necessary step. This, I will be sure to emphasize, will include her getting a new job which won't be hard with her background in healthcare (Speech pathologist) and in this area (Wash. DC).

She said last night that the relationship with the OM has been different and it seems like the "luster" of that has started to wear off a bit. I think I read that the "luster" of the OM begins to wear off about 3 or 4 weeks or so after the affair becomes known. Is that right? It's been almost 4 weeks and their phone conversations have waned down from what I can tell.

But I cannot trust her at her word right now. She has to walk the walk. So far, it's all talk.

I just feel like I have no control. I want us to work it out, but she's not meeting me half way on ANYTHING.

Additionally, I feel like I can no longer control my emotions and the anxiety is killing me. I've lost 25 lbs since this all started. So I got some meds to day and will start taking them as soon as I get home today. I tried to move back home yesterday but ended up leaving again because she was so insistent that she have some space. That's when we agreed that I'd come back home on Sunday. All that will change if I discover she's talking to him or going out to get drinks with him or anything along those lines. If she can't stop on her own, I will have to go thermo-nuclear and there won't be any more being strung along.

you are making such dreadful strategic mistakes that I don't even know where to start.

everything, exposure is crucial if you want to kill this affair.

My FWH's (formerly wayward husband)employer flipped out when he got the exposure letter from OWH (other woman's husband.) My FWH and his employer were in the office of the company attorney within 24 hours of the exposure letter, trying to figure out how to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit. The gravity of the situation completely floored my H. He almost lost his job. He almost had to answer a lawsuit with his employer. This was a stone-cold reality that stunned him.

Sure, I was afraid H would lose his job, but I'll admit that little a part of me had to kind of cruelly chuckle, thinking "I'll bet you're not thinking about OW and getting all hot and bothered now, tee hee!" Okay, that was bad of me. I've gotta work on that.

And get ready for the fireworks. Your WW is going to be furious with you! Her head will spin around on her neck! She will spout all kinds of crap like "Oh, I was going to end it with him and stay with you, but that's all over now." or "I will never have anything to do with you again! You've ruined my life!" and blah blah blah.

Do not let this throw you. Stay calm. It's what waywards do after exposure. She'll eventually blow herself out, all the while facing the consequences at work. Will she lose her job? I don't know. Will you lose her and your M if you allow this to continue without exposure? Probably.

I don't care how bad the economy is. She'll get another job. She'll be unemployed? Okay. But you'll be together.

And don't tell her you're going to expose the A. Just DO IT. Forewarning her will give the two of them time to spin the story to make you out to be a paranoid nut job who thinks every guy she passes on the street is having an A with her.

You need to go home. This was a terrible move that will only fuel the affair. Not to mention that many courts will penalize you for abandoning your family. You have shot yourself in the foot legally and maritally by abandoning your family. You have made it easy for the OM to come in and take your place.

This was a stupid plan that needs to be rectified quickly. Pack your bags and go home TODAY. You have absolutely no reason to leave your home. Abandoning your family in their time of need helps nothing and no one except the AFFAIR.


GO HOME TODAY.

If she wants some space, then tell her to go in the bathroom or better yet, clear out a corner in the garage for her. BUT DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

There is only one reason your wife wants "space" and that is so she can carry on her affair without your interference. You have only enabled the affair and ABANDONED YOUR FAMILY by leaving.

Sir, if you want to save your marriage you are going to have to MAN UP here. Your marriage is under assault and the only one you are helping here is the OM!

You are handing your marriage and your children's family over to this interloper on a silver platter! You have surrendered without ever walking onto the battle field! ARE YOU FRENCH??

She agreed to forsake all others for you, too, didn't she. I'd say moving back home early isn't quite the sin you thought it was, now, right?

Go home. March yourself into the house, sing out "Honey, I'm home!" and put down your bags. Tell her that you reconsidered and feel it's wrong to be out of your home.

She can't stop on her own. Move back home... NOW. And expose to everyone, including her employer... NOW. Time wasted is rarely recovered and you have already made some detrimental mistakes in ending your wife's affair. READ EVERYTHING ON THIS WEBSITE and READ AS MANY THREADS ON HERE AS YOU CAN. Follow the advice you get to a "T" or you will find yourself in either a false recovery or a divorce or both.

aBetterMe