I do believe you when you say you mean well. I know you were trying to make that man feel better, so I wanted to explain why it doesn't serve that purpose.
The notion that adultery was not meant to "intentionally" harm him means the cheater did not know it would hurt her spouse. That is not true in his case and if it were, he should run for his life.
That is a dangerous and scary proposition because it means she could do other equally harmful things and claim it was unintentional. Something is intentional if the perp knows it will harm its victims. Any married person that doesn't know that adultery will harm its victims is not a safe person.
intentional: done with intention or on purpose; intended: an intentional insult. Secondly, a grown woman that excuses her adultery by saying she was "taken advantage of" is someone who is not taking responsibility for her choices. Perhaps she was taken advantage of, but she still made the choice to engage in adultery and is responsible for that choice. If she is not responsible for her choices, then she has no business being married because she is so childish that she is susceptible to "being taken advantage of."
Recovery can only happen when we take full responsibility for our actions. Blaming others will not result in recovery and it just makes us look childish and unaccountable.
I applaud you for wanting to ease that man's pain. I know this was your only intention, which is why I wanted to explain why your comments would not serve that purpose. Like I said, I know you meant well, but just did not see how your comments came across.
