I think I may have caught my H cheating via text message (if that is even possible)...

He handed me his phone to use last night and I saw a female's name left on the recent calls screen. I didn't snoop in his phone or anything at the time, just handed it back to him.

Then this morning I looked at our call records... There are over 1000 text messages to 2 numbers that I don't know. I blocked my number and called them. On the first number a female answered, I just hung up. On the second number it went to another female's voicemail.

I never saw this coming. I don't know what to do, if I should try to snoop in his phone, which is hard because he sleeps with it next to his head and also takes it with him when he showers... Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, s84a. Sorry you're here, but you've come to the right place.

First of all If your H has 1000's of texts to certain cell phones that women are answering, you've got a problem.

Have you said anything to him? Please don't. Although it is pretty obvious that he's got something going on, you want to make sure you can confront him with solid proof. Right now he can lie and say it was for business, or some other tripe, and you've tipped your hand that you're snooping. And you DO need to snoop.

A typical wayward will keep their cell phone glued to them during an affair. Your job is to get that phone. What kind of cell phone do YOU have? Is it the same model? You may want to consider simply walking into the bathroom and take it while he's showering. Or using the toilet. (Unless he takes it to the toilet with him, which sounds outlandish but is exactly what my FWH did.)If he catches you, tell him you thought it was your phone.

Can you look at his while he's sleeping?

I would suggest that you get a VAR (voice activated tape recorder) and put it in his car. Waywards need contact with their affair partners and just loooove to talk in the 'privacy' of their car. Get a good one, not a cheap one - their reception isn't as good.

Yep, that's exactly what my (now) ex-husband started doing when he was cheating- sleeping with the phone and even taking it into the bathroom with him!

Find out who's number it is- there are on-line services you might have to pay a little to get a name, or sometimes you can just get it for free.

Also check out his e-mail/Facebook- another very common place for cheaters to communicate.

Whatever you do, do NOT let him know you suspect anything right now (he will lie and deny if you ask him if he's cheating)...just keep quietly snooping and gathering information.

So sorry you're here.

We do both have the same model phone (iphones) and I was actually thinking about trying to sneak it away from him while he is sleeping tonight... Hopefully he won't wake up.

I didn't say anything yet, I don't want to say something only to have him deny it and go and delete whatever evidence there might have been.

Also, we have seperate laptops and I don't know the password to get in to it... I don't do facebook but I know he does.

I actually think he might be doing this in the car, we both work from home so he'll randomly leave (like today, he's been gone for 2.5 hours and he told me he was going to pick up something from a store that is about 10 minutes away)...

I'm so confused now. We just moved thousands of miles away from our families so I'm really alone out here. I don't really have many options if something is up...

Can you hire a PI? Other things you can do is sneak flexispy on his phone, put a VAR in his car, put a keylogger on his computer and a GPS on his car.

I would not accuse him until you have the goods. If you accuse with no evidence, they only go further underground.

Since you just moved out there, who does he know?

He doesn't know anyone here that I know of. The 2 numbers are from another state, probably a 5-6 hour drive from here...

You do have options. They just haven't presented themselves to you yet. Don't worry about that right now. Right now you need to snoop and gather intel.

Have you tried to get the names of the women? What does their VM say when you call their cell, is it personalized or automated?

Okay, you have the same model phones. This is very good. I would switch them when he's deep asleep, then go to another room and start snooping through his phone. If you see any incriminating texts, try to forward them to your email. You can forward them to your phone, but it needs to be on silent or the forward will possibly wake him up and you'll be busted. Don't try to forward too many because you may not have a lot of time. Just a couple of incriminating ones. Make sure you're in the bathroom with the door locked while you're doing this so he can't walk in on you. If he does wake up and realize that the phones are switched, walk out of the bathroom and smile at him when he says something about it. Respond with something akin to "Oh, oops! I didn't realize I grabbed your phone by mistake. I needed to charge mine and grabbed it on my way to the bathroom so I wouldn't forget."

Do you think you can do that and pull it off?

Definitely get a VAR and hide it in his car. There are hidey-holes where the steering column meets the body of the car. A good VAR should pick up sound there. Also look under the glove compartment. Don't hide it in anything that can be removed, like a child's car seat, loose cushion or pillow, etc. Under the seat works well for reception, but he could find it. Make sure you velcro it to whatever surface you put it on so it can't wiggle loose.

Once you've got it in there we'll help you on how to sneak it in and out.

s84, if you can get his phone, you can download and install flexispy on it. There is a cheaper, $150 version that would do the trick.

I would also slap a GPS on his car and see where he goes.

PLEASE stay very quiet until you get all the goods. I will look for the spying 102 thread and bump it up.

If they are cell phone numbers that means nothing. My (ex) WH pulled that same thing (out-of-state #, local person).

Can you get on his facebook?

Is there anything special about the state where the 2 numbers are from? Did he have any dealings in that state? (Remember, though - the phones can go anywhere. They may not physically be in that state.)

If you have cell phone #s you can go to whitepages.com and do a reverse cell phone look up on them to get the name.

One of the numbers, the voicemail was personalized for a "Kate". For the other, a woman answered it and I just hung up without saying anything...

I think I can pull off looking in his phone without him waking up, hopefully. He will fall asleep in a little bit, he works nights at home, and he didn't sleep at all today so I'm hoping he'll be out for a while...

We have never visited the state that the numbers are from, but you're right that doesn't mean anything. Even if he's never met them in person, I don't think he should be texting them that much! It's crazy! Right???

I tried to do the reverse look up but it won't give me a name...

I would zero in on his FB account. Do you know how to get to his FB? If you can get on his friends you might be able to find someone named Kate.

Call the unknown woman back and ask for someone. Like, I don't know, Donna. Or Clara. There's a chance she'll say "No, this is Susan. What number were you calling?" Make up some number that's close to hers, apologize and hang up. You've got a name now. It's a long shot, but people will sometimes give their name to an unknown caller.

Is there ever a time when he leaves his computer up and not password protected? It only takes a few minutes to intall a keylogger, which I happen to believe is one of the best inventions of this century millennium. You can install keylogger software that will run undetected and send reports to any email you choose. This may net you all kinds of info.

You can also pay to get the names through intelius.com. It was about $15 for the report when I did it in '07. It worked for both phone #s...

Can you download and install flexispy while you have it? That way, it will send you all his texts and a call log. it is at flexispy.com and if you get the expensive one, it also has a GPS feature on it that is well worth the money. If not, maybe the basic version that is $149. This way you don't have to get his phone again. It will just send you a record of everything he does.

You can also try typing the # in google and see what comes up.

I am sorry your in the situation you are in. Earlier in the threa you mentioned you could not get access into your hubbies computer. Well I have a solution but he will now you did it the first time he uses it afterwards.

There is 2 ways .. one of which will depend on how many accounts his computer has. IF you can Press CTRL/ALT/DEL x2 at the login screen and type in the user name ADMINISTRATOR and leave the password blank you could possibly get in and look. This method doesnt always work tho.

The other method is to make a Bootable CD following the directions on this site and using the ISO they provide and burn it onto the CD/DVD.(Make sure the computer has the bios set to boot from CD) What this CD does is boot you into a SHELL prompt (kinda like dos but even deeper into the PC) and it brings you a text menu that shows you all the users on that PC and shows what users have passwords. YOu can choose to erase the password following the directions or even give the accounts new passwords! The only downside is that if any files are encrypted in the account will be locked and lost forever. But not many people encrypt files anyhow.

Hope this helps you .. or anyone else that may need to hack their hubbies/wifes computer to snoop

EDiT: sorry for got to add link http://pogostick.net/~pnh/ntpasswd/