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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
You made the mistakes of youth. You did not set out to do wrong. Sometimes you learn things easy sometimes the hard way.
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 12 |
Road,
Thanks for the reassurance. I definitely know that I will not be making the same mistake twice. This was certainly a hard learned lesson.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Going through everything that I have to go through, especially the way I have to go through it, has really given me a whole new outlook on everything. Its bad enough having to get over everything being way out here, but having to return home and face everything all over again in a few months is not something that I am ready for or looking forward to. It was hard enough having to go home on leave to an empty house and sleep in it by myself for those few weeks, but now have to go right back to that. It was hard being use to waking up to the sound of the kids playing and having my wife next to me, to having absolutely none of that. BDS, I'm so sorry that you are facing this now. It is absolutely horrible, I know.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 12 |
I really wish I could make all this just go away, as if it never happened. I really hate the days when I can't escape a single thought of it, for a single moment. Aside from that, I wish I didn't have to face it all over again upon returning home. I know that when I get home, I am going to have a lot of hurt and vengeance still in my heart, and I know there will be times that I am going to be faced with "them." I just pray that I have the strength not to do what is in my heart and mind.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Soldier: I am so sorry this is happening to you. I realize you've already filed for divorce, but with your situation you would get a lot more responses if you hit the "Notify" button at the bottom of this post and ask the moderators to move your thread to the Surviving An Affair forum.
In the meantime - have you talked to the docs, or whoever you can, in your military outfit about what is happening in your life? This is too much for any one person to carry alone. Let them know what you're going through so they can help you with the right way to deal with it, whether that means going on antidepressants, standing down for a time until things are straightened out, or whatever.
There are a lot of betrayed military spouses here and you will find more of them over on the SAA forum.
Hit "Notify" and then go talk to your CO or your doc.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 12 |
Mulan,
I want to thank you for the advice that you've given. I have spoken to both the behavior specialist and to the chaplain about everything. Other than that, that's pretty much the only thing available to us out here. Believe me, I do realize that this is a lot for me to carry by myself, but sometimes I guess I just have to face the music, muscle up and handle it on my own.
I do a lot of praying and a lot of reading in the bible, and that does seem to help sometimes. However, knowing that I still have to go home and face it all over again does create quite a scary thought in my mind. I will be doing what you said and hitting the notify to have this post switched over to the SAA forum. Again, thank you for you the advice.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Hi, BDS,
I'm not a military wife, but I just saw your posting and wanted to ask how much longer you'll be deployed. Actually, how much longer do you plan to remain in the military? Are you career military?
I'm asking because I'm thinking it might not be a bad idea for you to refrain from getting into another relationship until you're permanently back in the States. You've been wounded by your WW's adultery, and I think it would be best if you slowly found your way back to the dating scene.
No pen pals, etc. KWIM?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 843
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 843 |
Things will get better. I have to tell you that I would probably believe her husband. Why? Because she cheated on you. And she seems vindictive as hell. The relationship with the 23 year old will quickly fall apart. I pity the kids. She sounds like she has personality disorder. You will heal. You will find someone else. Next time less baggage hopefully.
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