Hello all, new to the forum and was recommended to come here by a friend.

Let me tell you about my marriage and family first.

Married for 10 years, 2 beautiful smart children 10 year old girl and 3 year old son, buying our home, and now going through a divorce.

Wife has depression and anxiety, and has been admitted into the hospital for 5 days because she wanted to kill herself. She pulled a knife on herself twice during our marriage but was only admitted once. She's a beautiful busty blonde.

During the first 9 years of marriage, my wife and I have had ultimate trust. This was until I found out she lied to me. then the lies just started to pop out of the woodwork.

One day she said she was going to her girlfriends house and later i read a text message from that day that showed she didn't go the but to another man's house. I didn't say anything to her at that moment but then started to watch her texts on her phone more closely while she was sleeping. During the same week, I read a text to another guy that said, "I want you all to myself". I then woke up at 2 am and questioned her on these two texts. The next day she called the first guy and told him she couldn't come over to cut his hair no more as it was causing martial issues. She made this call on speaker phone so I could hear the whole conversation. His response was "I understand", not just for a haircut?

A few months have passed and my wife is having kidney stones. She is diagnosed with a kidney diesease. The doctor perscribes vicodins for her pain. She has taken these in the past for her menstral cramps, but I never seen this as a problem.

One day she calls me at work and tells me her bottle of pills came up missing. She then was blaming my friend for stealing them. I searched the whole house looking for these pills as this was about to cause a friendship to come to an end. I search for the pills and come up with nothing until a few days later. I found a pill bottle in her purse in her car that had 31 of these vicodins in there and the bottle didn't have a label. I was on my way to work then. I didn't tell her I found these pills, although how could I miss them, and later that day she calls me to tell me that she called her doctor to tell him the bottle was stolen. So the doctor ordered her another script. She says to me that the doctor believed her and that she hopes to get by the pharmacy to pick them up before they close. however, I go and pick up the script after work, but called her before i did. She says to pick them up and let her know how many and what strenght they are. Well, I didn't call her back, just waited for her to come home that evening. When she walked in the door, her first words were, "where are my pills?" She then sets her purse down, and as soon as I had a chance, I opened it to see if the bottle I seen earlier was in there. It wasn't. So she wants to order food and I go and pick the food up, but I take her car. While in her car, I find the unmarkled bottle of pills in her counsel. I put them into my pocket when I got home and came inside to eat. Once I finished my food, I threw my container away, grabbed up the new script, came back to the table and pulled the unmarked bottle out and set it on the table. Her reply was, "Why did you take them out of my car!" I'm like, "what the hell are you doing driving around with my kids and an unmarked bottle of pills?" She's like, "my friends give them to me." Ummmm......NO. Ain't no one gonna to come off of that many pills for free. Not buying it. And it's just odd that the number of pills in this bottle are the same amount that just came up missing. I got a freindship on the line due to this. I tell her I'm leaving for the night and I'm taking the boy with me. She says, "sack, I got a problem, I enjoy taking them." I said, "well think about it over night, I'm leaving". But she doesn't want me to take my son with me. I take the boy into his room to get him dressed and she comes into the room and sits down in front of the door blocking us in. I tell her she's gonna move or I'm gonna move her. So I did. She's not a light woman by any means, but within my capabilites to move. Well during the move, I put a bruise on her arm. I leave with my son for the night. I come back in the morning as I took her car so she couldn't leave for the night. This happened on a Friday, and on Saturday I set her down and give her the options. Divorce, split up, or make it work. If she choses to make it work, we must seek marriage counseling and she needs to seek help for the pills. She agrees.

So we start seeing a counsler. She makes it through four sessions and quits. I've continued to go and still continue.

A few weeks later, I find an unopened condom in my truck after she gets out. WTF?

A few more weeks later, her friend calls me up to tell me that she can't keep living my wife's lies. She informs me that my wife has admitted to cheating on me with a couple of different guys. But when i ask my wife, she says I only told her that to make her feel better about having an abortion. WHAT??????

I get ahold of her phone again and listen to her voice mails. I hear one message that says, "why are you starting rumors about us seeing each other?"

I'm now totaled heart broken. But continue to try and make it work. Although now, I have a full time job playing detective.

I go up north for the fourth of July, come home to read a text that shows she had another man at my house while I wasn't there. Just doesn't end.........

August 28, my dad calls me to tell me that he's been diagnosed with cancer. Four weeks later, He passes. Five days beofre he passes, I find my wife at this guys house and so I took her car and drove it home. Just to let her know I know what she's doing. Then all hell broke loose that night.

A few weeks later, I find her cell phone in her car and I watched her type in the lock code the night before, so i unlocked it to find a text chat with the guy she was with when i took her car. They're telling each other that they love each other and they're meant for each other. Also they say that they hope this all passes soon and they'll get through it together. I take a picture of her phone with this message. I showed it to her father to show him she's lying to him also. He's apauled. Next day, someone cut my transmission lines. I called the cops and go back into the house to ask her what her boyfriends last name was. she immediately calls the cops by 911. She gets them there faster and tells them I was threatening her. I merely asked her a question. Later that afternoon, I hired a lawyer, time for the divorce to start. But she's already filed.

Monday, I come home for lunch, she's passed out and the 3 yr old is awake. I take her phone out of her hand and hide it.

Tuesday, her and I are texting all morning. I come home for lunch, she's not home. I find her at the park with her boyfriend and my son. I pull in and start taking picture. I get into a little confrontation with the boyfriend. He grabbed my arm and I got in his face and told him I had every reason to kick his [censored]. Before i leave to go back to work, I try and kiss my wife to make him jealous. I also tell her I'm gonna be fighting for my kids as she don't need them. I go back to work and when I came home, she was baiting me to come home. An hour later the cops are there and arresting me for domestic violence. She has a witness that says I choked her, and slammed her against the car and it's not her boyfriend. I spent 21 hours in jail for something I didn't do and now have to prove my innocense. I've been ordered out of my house, all I got is the clothes on my back. She went and got a PPO against me as well. She changed the locks too so I can't get in to get my stuff. Now I'm on an emotional roller coaster.


What could possibly happen next???

What should I watch for???


Looking for any advise



Thanks for taking the time to read this long post. I wanted to make sure everything is there.

Wow.

Well, get a lawyer, file your evidence of the pictures, and have him advise you on what to do.

I'm not sure you want to save things, but right now you need to take care of the fire at hand, which is the false charges against you.

If the witness is the "boyfriend" then that's not a dependable witness.

Be patient. The process is slow and sucks, but the courts aren't surprised by false accusations of violence.

Now, did you get violent with anyone and did anyone witness it?

There's no saving this now. I been going to counseling since April.

My divorce lawyer is going to handle the DV issue. He's ready to cross examine her after all the info and proof I've gave him that punches holes in her story. You just can't be in two places at the same time.

The "witness" is not her boyfriend. But I'm sure the witness has ties with someone in her family or his ring of people.

I didn't get violent at all. Yes, I was pissed off when her boyfriend grabbed my arm and I got in his face warning him I had every right to knock his [censored] out, but my son is right there. I'm fighting for my kids and didn't want to jeopardize it in any way.

sack, I am so sorry this has happened to you. We often tell husbands to put a recorder in their pockets in situations like this so they don't get accused of DV and booted out of their homes. What a tragedy for you and your children. I agree that you should pursue a legal strategy. I hope you have a bulldog attorney that will fight for you.

We have many men over the years who have pursued and won possession of the home and primary custody of their kids. I hope you are going for the most you can. Your kids are in a terrible situation being exposed to her adultery partners.

The biggest mistake that men make in these cases is the belief that the best they can get is "50/50." When in many states - even no fault states - they have a legal advantage if they sue on grounds of adultery. Most attorneys, though, want to take the easier, softer way and simply faciliate an "amicable" divorce. This is why it is important to find an attorney who will fight for you.

sorry you are here, sack! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SACK}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well, before this happend, we talked about making the divorce as civil as possible. No way now. What she did to me was totally uncalled for.

We did have an hour long talk a few months ago. I did record it. I made sure to touch every subject from the lies to the vicodins. Basically she was saying everything I found, she planted to play head games. I still have this.

As for the pics I have, one of her texts telling him she loves him and him calling her baby. And also him saying they'll get through this together in my eyes is a plot. She was just wanting to get me locked up so she has a marginal chance on keeping the kids.

I'm glad to hear the courts see this all the time. My lawyer is gonna eat her up. I just hope I can reverse this and get her locked up for falsely filing this charge.

Hey Sack, glad you finally posted over here at M.B., wish you would have before the false charges, that happens all the time.

From now on, any interaction you have with STBXW (Soon To Be X Wife) should be recorded.

Who all have you told about your wife's Adultery?
What all do you know about OM? (Other Man)
Under what grounds did your wife file for divorce? (Irreconcilable differences?)
Does your state have an alienation of affection law?
Is there anything your lawyer can do to get you back in the house?

Even though you do not want to save this marriage in any way, you may still want to do a few things to kill the affair.

A word of caution:

The last thing you need to do in pursuing this is give the impression that you�re happy with going after her. Your appearance in court is vital since the judge has nothing other than impressions of you and her to make a decision.

It really needs to appear that you�re only there because you have no other choice. It must appear like you hate bringing this stuff up and that you wish things could have been worked out amicably.

The most important thing you do from here on out is present yourself as a level headed man that anyone would want to leave their kids with.

Regarding your recorded conversation: Check your state�s laws and run it by your lawyer. Some states are ok with recording conversations so long as one person in the conversation knows they are being recorded. Other states require that both parties know they are being recorded.

Some women feel so entitled that they don�t care if they�re being recorded openly and they show their true colors regardless. I�m just advising you since you need to make sure you�re squared away legally.

I don't know if you are going after the "witness" too but I would. If the witness knows that hell is coming his way he may recant the story. Slander and being associated with filing a false police report (not sure what this could be called legally) may be more than this "witness" bargained for. Between the drugs, the adultery, and the DV charges, I'd unleash the dogs on her. Look into what legal action you can do today to protect your children.

Sorry you are dealing with this. Have you gotten any support from your inlaws? Their daughter is a danger to herself and their grandbabies.

Well Gack, basically everyone that I know, knows whats going on with my marriage. I do know where the other man lives, his phone number, and that he likes to smoke pot with my wife. He also doesn't have a job I believe. He's mechanically inclined, and i'm certain he's the one that vandalised my truck. Also when I got out of jail, my battery was disconnected. Probably due to the headlights flashing off and on from the malfunction in the factory alarm. They didn't want to have the neighbors behind looking out to see what was going on.

I'm not sure what grounds she filed under, I haven't yet got served with the paperwork.

I'm not sure if my state has an alienation of affection law. Why do you ask?

My lawyer is working on getting my things, but getting back into the house won't happen until i win the DV case and get rid of the PPO that she filed.

How can I kill the affair? Really, all I want is that my kids can't go around this guy. He's not their dad. Although he's trying to be in my son's life. Starting to think maybe he is the father of my son.

Black Raven, I'm hoping the witness has the same story as my wife and her boyfriend. This will show they're in cahoots with each other. And once I get acquitted, yes I'm going to unleash the dogs on all of them. Let's see how they like being locked up. Never in my life have I had to go to jail. It wasn't a pleasant experience by no means.

Support from the inlaws? Are you kidding? Her mother hates me and I haven't been to their house for any family event or holiday in about 5 years. Her father loves me, or at least he did up until these allegations. I think of him as a father as well. Hopefully him and I can patch things up once this is all said and done with. He's a great man, but blood is thicker than water.


Still waiting to hear something from my lawyer on parenting time. It's been 11 days since I've seen or talked with my kids. I feel they don't want me to be around them at all. Which is [censored]. My wife already told my daughter, "daddy is going to try and steal you from me". She said this right in front of me. My daughter is probably now scared of me over her filling her head with [censored].


My counsler gave me a test called the MMPI test. It's a personal inventory test that she said is golden in the judges eyes. It will show that I'm a level headed person. hopefully this works out for me in my favor as well.

The MMPI may not be a great thing. Mine showed results that are nothing like what I am and my own IC very much disagreed with the test results. I�m just telling you it�s not a golden ticket, so only use it if it is helpful.

I know it�s very hard, but stay calm. 11 days of not talking to your kids stinks, but it is a short amount of time in the big scheme of things. I also strongly suggest you request a drug test on your wife, unless you yourself smoke pot.

I recommend you request a child advocate. This is a lawyer who represents the children and their interests and not the parents.

If you show yourself to be a stable man with a place for your kids (get them their own rooms, decorate them, etc) then they can�t really deny you at least a 50/50 arrangement. I know it all really stinks, but stay calm. The best thing you can do around any court people is to remain calm and look like you are above the fray. Impressions matter.

Call or go to the court house and see if she has even filed, if not (Which is no uncommon) YOU need to have your lawyer file immediately on grounds of adultery. If he says the state wont care "Why" you are filing, tell him to file it that way anyway.

Just because you are in a "No Fault" state does not mean you cant state adultery as why you want to end your marriage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fault_divorce

Because in a handful of states you can Sue your spouses adultery partner for damages.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alienation_of_affection

can he fast track it?

Really, in a case like yours where no reconciliation is wanted by the Betrayed spouse, killing the affair is not necessary for you. However some cant stand to see the relationship that destroyed there marriage last, so they do anyway.

Exposure
The biggest thing is exposure, tell everyone you know everything about there affair BEFORE she does and tells a bunch of lies about it and spins it to be your fault.

Anyone you can find that has a relationship with OM needs to be told about there affair as well.

Is/Was OM married?
How did STBXW and OM meet?

Have your children DNA tested BEFORE your divorce.
Tell your lawyer about this ASAP.

Call him and calmly tell him what really happened.

The most important thing is for you to appear Calm and level headed at all times. The moment you show any emotion it will be twisted and used against you.

Gack, they met through her best friend that passed away from cancer. He's her cousin.

You know I really want to tell her father what really happened, BUT, by doing so, I'm risking my chances of coming out of these allegations alive. All I got to do is to get all three (her, her boyfriend, and her so called witness) to say the same story. Once they do, I'm a free man. I can't provide too much (this is the internet), but lets just say, I got all my proof, and it's just nuts all the holes I can punch into her story. I got court Monday morning. It's just a pretrial. They're gonna offer me a plea, and I'm gonna refuse. I so want her to be on the stand so my lawyer can eat her vendictive [censored] up.

She's always told me, whatever happens between us, I'll never keep your kids from you. Well, I miss my kids dearly. I'm thinking it might be months before I see then again. She's being a C*NT.

I've noticed her phone log has went from 100 calls a day to 5, to 1. She's definetly got a new phone and number. I'm gonna have to cut it off.

Pretrial was yesterday. They offered me a plea. I refused. Next court date is Dec 6. I believe this is jury selection day.

Wife was there yesterday along with her father and her boytoy. One of the avdocates called her name in the hallway. She gets up and says, "I'm scared, I'm scared". If she's scared now, wait til trial. She doesn't know what she got herself into. She's gonna crumble on that stand.

Mine tried to have me killed.

Yours is doing very well near what mine was.

Be vigilant and trust no one.

By all means no contact at all with that insane harpy.

How did you act in court? Were you wearing a suit?

You must look calm and above the fray. Let her look like the unreasonable one.

Are you so confident because of something your lawyer has told you?

I wore dockers and a nice shirt along with some nice shoes. I acted calm with no smiles, or frowns.

I'm confident because I have the timline all worked out. Took her almost an hour to get ahold of the police. Never did she call 911 for this, but did days before for just asking her a question. All my evidence proves she had time to fab all this up. She's being coached.

Yup, definitely time for no contact. We forgot to tell Sack about that.

In this case (Where reconciliation is not wanted) no contact is to keep you from having to endure more of her craziness. Cut out all and any contact with her, assign a mediator to handle any contact between you and her. Do not answer her calls, do not answer her texts, and certainly do not contact her.

You should also cut out any support you are giving her, don�t pay any of her bills and separate your accounts. Make her deal with the consequences of her decisions.

Did you have your lawyer check and see if she has actually filled for divorce?

Why would telling her father what is really going on negativley affect you?

Is, was, has, OM ever been married?

Exposure puts pressure on the affair, and brings the ugly truth to light. You should tell him and anyone else that you can possibly find the truth. Do it all at once, and do not warn your STBXW about it.

And do NOT let her find out about this site.

Affairs are a fantasy, not based in reality. Right now she is thinking that if she pushes a little you will fold and give her what she wants. What does she want?
To replace you, in your home, with this OM�But she still want�s you to pay the bill�s.

I am sure by now you have heard �I love you, but I�m not in love with you�
Have you heard �I hope one day we can be friends�
How about �I was going to be nice, but since you (Fill in Blank) , not any more!�
These are all things that Waywards say, it�s part of the wayward script, and if you know what to look for you can determine weather your getting to them or not.




Anybody got the link to the Wayward script thread?

Well, there is a no contact put in place from my bond. And no way in hell do I plan on having contact. So, you don't have to worry bout me doing so.

I plan on dropping her car insurance, but will give her a two weeks notice through my lawyer. Its not fair to me to pay all the bills. She's not putting her money into "our" checking account, so neither am I. The other bills in her name, I aint paying those either.

My lawyer has said she's filed. I'm just waiting for the papers.

Blood is thicker than water. But I did show and read her texts the the OM to him, and his response was, "I don't ever want to see that homewrecker at my house!". He's gonna be by her side through this and if I tell him about what happened, they she can come up withg things to throw my logic and proof out, so its best I don't say a word at this point. Because my lawyer feels confident we can win this with the info, proof, and pictures I've provided him.

I believe the OM has been married, but not certain. I know he has kids.

She definetly is trying to push me, but I WILL push back, once I get acquitted of these charges. I didn't work my [censored] off all these years just to lose it all.

And yes, I've heard all that crap bout love and friendship so your on target Gack.

Anybody with that Wayward link Gack asked for?

You have a good plan and you were smart to see thru her and to decide you love yourself enough to spare you all the cruelty she will certainly love to put your thru.
Blessing

So I took the MMPI test and my counsler said I have to retake it. Asking her why, "did I do that bad?" She said, "no because my boss says nobody scores that high. He thinks you thought to hard about it". I'm like if you give it to me again, I'll score the same. She tried to tell him I'm one of the "normal" people she sees. She says she doesn't think she's gonna give me the test again unless its asked for.

My wife has filed a motion to modify the PPO she has on me. Geezus, she's just trying her hardest to alienate me from my children. Going on three weeks since I've seen them. But I've filed a motion to terminate the PPO due to her using this against me as a strategic move for the divorce.