[quote=life2short]"And when I said I didn't want to talk to you sometimes its because I love you so much and it hurts so bad the way you did. Sorry."
"I'm sorry I said things to hurt you. No excuse but you have hurt me pretty bad with the way you've handled things. I was glad to help you honestly. It gave me time with you. Just wish I had known and not been so stupid".

Both of the above txt msgs are from XH. He did end up completing the final touch-ups to the floors.

The passive aggressive way your XH communicates is really toxic. The way he makes himself the victim and you the villain, the way he presents himself as the selfless lover and you the cold b#@ch, all the while not respecting the points you are trying to communicate. A whole lotta "sorry, but's" going on. No real focus on his issues, and redirecting back on to you. It's clear he has feelings for you. And I guess I'm not sure of your real intentions toward him, but this dance you two are going through doesn't seem to be healthy. Have you committed to a no-contact? If not, why?

She has been doing this for years, Fells.
She is unable to stop it.

It is completely toxic. It is completely unhealthy.

But she will not close the door and walk away.

Sad. She could be in a whole new life by now. With a healthy partner, maybe someone who could have a great impact and influence on her daughter. I shudder to think of what she has modeled for her daughters future relationships.

I don't think she wants to change. She "gets" something out of being stuck in this circular dance with this manipulative abusive man.

Lexxxy she is getting something out of this relationship because she continues the toxic dance.

I too feel sorry for Lifes2short daughter because more than likely she will mimic some of her mother's behavior, having witnessing it.

Why would someone invest their time, love, caring into someone who continuously uses them for a quick fix, when nothing is going on in their lives.

Good morning all. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Fellspointmom, Lexxxy, swan's song,
You are right about the unhealthy part. Part of my problem is that I am not totally healthy emotionally or I would have started divorce proceedings the day I learned about the first A that started prior to our first anniversary.

My D and I have had lengthy discussions about the type of R she needs to be involved in. She is 19 and has dated no one. I believe she has good boundaries and doesn't mind speaking her mind.

I did not see or talk to him until late yesterday evening as I was w/my family from Wed evening until I came back home. I felt compelled to call him as he had told me he would be alone. Turns out he visited his mom and sister which was good.

The R w/us is winding down and I want to pull the plug. I just can't seem to take that one final step of shutting the door and throwing away the key.

I know you all must get terribly frustrated when you give such good advice and I fail to follow it. Thanks for hanging in there w/me. You don't know how much it helps to continually get the feedback and the advice and how much it helps when I post things that he has said or done and I get an unbiased opinion of how others outside the situation interpret what he is doing.

Saw a pretty good article that was listed on an eharmony advertisement. It's the six signs you're settling for second best. Link below for those that want to view.
The Reader's Digest version is:
1. You're irrationally iritated by the "little" things your partner does
2. You're increasingly nostalgic for weekends and evenings alone
3. You tell yourself you're racing the clock for one last chance at love.
4. You see your relationship as a rescue operation. (You know you�re in danger of settling the moment you make a �to-do� list of things you�d like to help your partner improve upon: lose weight, stop smoking, be more outgoing, find a better job, and so forth. The best person for you will not feel like a fixer-upper.)
5. You pointedly decide to overlook your partner's faults.
6. You routinely make excuses for your partner to others.

It was thought provoking.
http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=sl...amp;index=0&cid=2091&aid=1209103

Another one was 10 Reasons Your Relationship Picker is Broken:
1. You Feel That Stable, Emotionally Healthy People are Boring.
2. You still aren't over your ex.
3. You're using Hollywood to qualify your dates - fantasy.
4. You're too young to know who you are.
5. You're trying to please someone else w/your choice of a partner.
6. Physical beauty far exceeds other traits you value.
7. You have some need to control the other person.
8. You tend to choose wounded souls, so they will need you to fix them.
9. You're self esteem is so damaged that you don't do the picking at all.
10. You didn't get a very good relationship model from your parents.
Link below:
http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=slideshows/view&slideshow=23&index=9