What do you mean by "soon"? Today?

As far as what to expect, you can expect some fireworks from WW if she's not aware that you told your in-laws. And that's fine. You stay calm and let her know that you will do whatever it takes to save your M.

Fireworks is an understatement. She will explode in anger. She�ll tell you it was none of their business and that you shouldn�t have dragged them into your problems. She�ll tell you that you just ruined any chance you had to save things and that it is now really over.

She�ll accuse you of betraying her trust. She�ll tell you she can�t trust you. She�ll say that you are horrible.

Your response to all of this is to say, �I will do what I need to do to save this marriage.�

If she asks how this is going to help, the answer is simple, �If there was nothing wrong with what you�ve been doing, you wouldn�t be upset. But I�m bringing this affair to light and will do what I need to save this marriage. That starts with letting everyone know you�re having an affair.�

She won�t care or understand. Some here might even disagree that you should say that. But that�s simply stating the truth.

The key for you is to not second guess. We�re telling you exactly how she�s going to react. Why? Because we�ve seen it a million times.

She will react. And the bigger the reaction the bigger the hit. Try not to laugh when you see we were right.

I DO believe that you should say what HTLDs posted.

Let exposure do its job.

Agreed. Especially try not to laugh at the irony when she says she can "no longer trust you" - that's a good one, considering the circumstances.

Thanks. I can't discuss timing online. May disappear for a while.

You could always change your screen name if you need to. Your posts are anonymous enough that they blend in to others when viewed by an untrained eye, KWIM? We would know who you are.

Exposure complete, WW contained but furious. So what do I do when/if she asks me to leave?

Offer her a cookie.

Do not leave your home or even your bed! If she feels separation is in order, then she can be the one to sleep on the couch or move out.

FROM Carrot/stick thread which is *linked* in my sig line.



*LINK* to Men, don't leave your home

The less you do, the better. Do not return anger for anger. Don't let her bait you. Return her fogbabble with serenity. Tell her that you intend to fight for your M. Ask her what she would like for dinner.

Do NOT leave that house.

Am I now in Plan A?

Here is where we are... WW parent at our home, I am out of town on business for a day. WW pleasant in public but barely speaking in private. She still says she does not want me there, that she feels trapped in the marriage and needs to save herself from a loveless future.

I am hanging in and taking it, doing everything I can (that she will let me) at home for her and parent. Worried what will happen when they leave.

So again, am I now in Plan A officially?

Good job, remember it will take time to change her thinking......it's worth at least the effort.......
Good Luck

Hello. WW has agreed to indiv therapy reluctantly to work on issues. Are there any specific therapeutic techniques you have seen that help lift the fog. A relative with some knowlege of psychotherapy reccommended I find someone with specialization in REBT or Reality therapy.

Second, WW only wants to spend time with a couple of female friends. Better than OM! But not with me... suggestions?

Why is WW doing IC? What issues is she attempting to resolve that requires individual counseling? This is your marriage - your partnership. I would suggest you work on this together, as partners.

Agree, with emphasis. IC... is only as horrendous and life destroying as the person licensed to do it.

There is only one cure for lifting the fog and that is exposure!

We are getting ready to start MC again hopefully with a Christian counselor. There are some issues including the A fog but going beyond it that need to be looked at in IC...

See prior posts. Exposure has happened.