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Joined: Nov 2010
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2010
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Hi. I'm new and don't know my way around forums like this. I can't find anything related to my question. My husband had an affair and I don't know what I should do. Should I tell him to leave the house for awhile so we can both think things through? Is it good to be seperated after this happens? I read some info that I should make sure he ends the affair and write a letter to her. I'm going to make him do that before I tell him to leave, if that is what I should do. I just don't know where to go from here...
Last edited by Twins2; 11/01/10 08:55 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 150
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Hi twins, I am a newbie myself but want to let you know that the seasoned posters have a wealth of knowledge and support to offer you! The links around the sight allow you to read up on Dr Harley's concepts for surviving this crisis. You will also be recommended to purchase the book Surviving An Affair-a quick and easy read that will help you get your head around the concepts here. I am so sorry you are here, but I am in day 29 and in Plan A, so even though I know somethin' , I dunno much  Blessings to you. This place has helped keep me afloat the last few weeks.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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If you separate the chances you will divorce increase. WHat is your goal?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
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He doesn't write a letter to OW...
Instead...you write a letter TOGETHER...which he signs and you put in the mail yourself using, pretty much, the contrite and apologetic (to YOU) form "no contact" letter available on this website.
If you want it...just ask and someone will link it into this thread.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240That is a link to hep guide you around this site. Click through all of the links and answer the questions. Now, the answer to your question depends on your answer to this one, "What do YOU want to do, attempt to save your marriage or divorce?" If you wish to attempt to save your marriage, you will not ask your WH to leave, yet. If the affair isn't over, meaning that there is still contact between your WH and his OW, then you would Plan A him until it is time for Plan B. If your WH is on board with recovery, then he will write a NC letter and the two of you will work through the plans for recovery together. Do you have any of DrH's books? You could also call the coaching center for help and you could do the online course.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hi there twins,
Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and to let you know you have come to the right place to help you through this.......
People who post here are a great bunch of people at all stages of what you are going through......
Come, listen and learn.......
Good Luck.....
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Hi. I'm new and don't know my way around forums like this. I can't find anything related to my question. My husband had an affair and I don't know what I should do. Should I tell him to leave the house for awhile so we can both think things through? Is it good to be seperated after this happens? I read some info that I should make sure he ends the affair and write a letter to her. I'm going to make him do that before I tell him to leave, if that is what I should do. I just don't know where to go from here... Welcome, twins2. I've got to say that if you haven't found anything on this site to help you, you haven't looked very hard. This entire site is dedicated to helping people just like you. Start by reading the articles. Then come back here and give us more info so we can better help you. We need to know how old you both are, how long married, any kids, the circumstances surrounding the A and why you think it's over - in a nutshell, the stuff that is in the link Scotty posted.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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