Hi all,

I've been gone for a few weeks because my laptop crashed. Obviously, it is up and running again.

I check in with separated/divorcing man, occasionally. I'm just friendly when I message him or he messages me. It's very infrequent. However, we were in touch today, and he has been seeing a woman while going through divorce beginning this past summer.

He thinks he is totally in love with her, even though they live over 200+ miles apart, about a five and one-half hour drive, and can only get together something like once a month.

They spent this past Halloween weekend at her place, and he was surrounded by her family and friends. He could tell that her family and some friends did not approve of her dating a man who is still married.

To be honest, I stay in touch because I'm waiting for his divorce to be finalized, and for his rebound relationship to dissolve so that I might have a chance. I stay busy with my own life in the mean time. I'm also checking out dating services.

I don't feel bad about hoping the divorce in final and the OW to go away. Should I?

P.S. I would rather he went back to his wife and fixed the marriage. She has moved a number of states away, however, and it doesn't look like either of them want the marriage.

I don't like this new chick hooking up with him, however, and him with her. Just to clarify.

GB

I mean this nicely, but if he was that into you, would he be hooking up with this woman? And do you really want a man that fresh out of a divorce? He needs time to heal and may have issues that caused the divorce; a divorce where only one person is totally wrong is pretty rare.

If I were you, I think I'd be looking for someone better.

You are absolutely right, Annasnewlife. Thanks for the reminder. Actually he is still married and going through the division of assets with his STBXW.

I thought a lot about my post, and I realized there was something deeper going on with me. I was cheated on by my XH, and I feel like separated guy is cheating because his divorce isn't finalized.

I guess I did not think much of this woman who he has hooked up with while still married, and I have had thoughts exactly like what you mentioned about him. He looks incapable of being alone to use this time to self-reflect and better himself as a human being.

I'm always suspicious of men who blame everything on the woman as the reason their relationship failed. He paints himself as a man who did everything right and called his STBXW an alcoholic and pill addict who abused their two children. Where was he when all this was going on anyway.

He told me he is achingly in love with this new woman, and that they can only see each other every other weekend. That's when I really got it that he has some maturing to do and out to man up, see a counselor, and spend some time on his own. No, I don't want a man who is handling his situation the way he is. The lights went on for me today, and I honestly feel relieved that I am not involved in his life.

Gerberdaisies

Good work Gerber. This is a mature and difficult decision to arrive at.

As for:
As a man that fresh out of divorce, I would also advise against it, lol.

Optimism

Thanks all, I realize my feelings about "that separated guy" is some left-over anger from my exhusband's infidelity. He is shamelessly flaunting his "wonderful woman" as he describes her while he is still divorcing/not yet divorced his wife.

I says something to me that she left him. He seems like and immature child, something I would never want. My anger comes from how the men I have met have been immature, please-worship-me men. (I am not saying all men are that way.)

That there is such a long dividing of assets going on, I think there is a lot he also did to her, although he accused her of being the totally messed up one. I know it is hateful of me, but I hope his wife puts him through the mill and gets everything. I also hope this naive younger woman he claims to be so in love with has a light-bulb, realization moment that makes her say goodbye. He has already alienated his children.
I'd like to see him forced to be on his own to take a deep look
at himself.

My ex remarried, and was married for 15 years to a woman a number of years younger than him and me, i.e. 12 years younger. Now he is going through his second divorce, from her.

I'm feeling some kind of justice in the world. Thanks for letting me vent. Gerberdaisies

Nice to see you back Gerberdaisies.

It seems like that is a good thing: recognizing the feelings for what they were/are. I can see that you're getting the healthy objective perspective you need at this point.To be more specific, the healthy perspective you need to learn and grow and move on and not fall into the same pattern as you go forward. (...but I don't mean to be presumptuous-- am I right?)

opt

You are right. I have become more able to see the situation a man is in before getting involved in anyway. GB