I would give plan B a shot.
Her fantasy might die out and she might see you as a strong man or her fantasy might not die out and she opts to be with OM.
Sometimes WS see BS as a angry person who resents them for what they did and they see that it would take too much work to R the M and they simply do not want to do it and put time and effort into it. There are so many reasons as to why a WS will or will not come back.
As far as your situation goes, you seem pretty resolved to let your wife do whatever and remove yourself from her life. That can be achieve with plan B as well and keeps the door open for you should she change radically and come back hat in hand.
blessing

everything - Why are you not following the advice you are getting here? Are you reading all the posts to your thread?

So, we have our separation agreement meeting in under 2 hours. I have prepared a letter that states that I am willing to work on our problems and restore our marriage, but the pain caused by her continued relationship to OM is unbearable. So, until he is no longer a part of her life, I will not be either. This feels like a last resort of sorts but I believe it is what I must do. She needs to feel what it's like to not have me in her life and that will be so painful for me, but I will have to get through it. I have to live my life as though she's not going to be a part of it. I will continue to get counseling to help me deal with this problem and I swear I will get that book and read it. I'll get it right after our meeting is over.

Her friends and family and co-workers all know about the A and they know it is still on going. However, they are taking the approach that our marriage is our business and they are not really pressing her to make a decision either way. Not the typical response one would hope for in this situation. I've confronted the OM and said that he should leave my wife alone, but that hasn't worked either. I've told her that he needs to be removed from her life or that I would remove myself and haven't really backed it up yet. Well, today is a new day. She will miss me. She will feel guilty. And I hope she comes back, hat in hand asking for forgiveness and a new found committment to make things work. I'll try to keep y'all updated, but I fear there won't be much new news after today. I guess I'm preparing to enter Plan B. Wish me luck. Thank you all for your support and advice, even though I didn't follow it in the best way possible. We haven't lived under the same roof for the better part of 3 weeks, so Plan A was kind of hard to do the right way. I deposited some love units this weekend before she moved out and withdrew some when I contacted the OM. But I'm fighting for this marriage the only way I know how. If she doesn't have the same zeal to restore the relationship, then I will be better off moving on anyway.

everything, you have approached killing this A in the most soft-shoe kind of way, that I'm not surprised you can't get anyone on board with you.

Did you read the exposure letter that is on this site? It is a plea to get help from friends and loved ones. It makes them feel a part of the problem/solution.

You mentioned to OM that he 'should' leave your wife alone??? No, everything. I should take my vitamins every day but I frequently forget. I should get my coat to the cleaners before the snow flies. "Should" does not apply here!

OM needs to know in no uncertain terms that you WILL make his life a living hell. That you WILL make him wish he'd never met you and your wife. That you WILL let the world know what and bottom-feeding slimeball he is!

NOT that he 'should' kinda sorta maybe think about not chasing after your wife.

No plan A makes plan B unaffective. Just gets the BH out of the WW way for her to go bang the OM.

Full force exposure makes having a PA have no consequences. No consequences teaches WW that she can have her OM cake eat it him, er I meant eat her cake to.

Just another BH that does not want to here what needs to be done, just approval for what he wants to do.

You'll get what you wish for. You're not fighting for your M the only way you know how - you're fighting for it the only way you want to. We've told you what will more than likely work. And we're speaking from the perspective of having gone through the process. You think you're the only one on this site that knows what you're going through? Wrong. You think your WW and your sitch is different, or somehow a special case? Nope. She's a garden-variety wayward in a garden-variety affair.

Tell me, what experience do YOU have that tells you that taking a back seat to OM, being wishy-washy with both of them, and basically sitting on your hands is the approach that will likely end this affair?

Your WW will NOT have any zeal to save her M, because your WW isn't in mental residence right now. She has been replaced by an affair-plagued, addicted alien. She cannot end this addiction by herself. She needs help doing that. Are you going to help her, or not?

Let me clarify: The A is now really only through phone calls and texts. She see's him every day at work, but they don't see eachother outside of work. I have explained to WS that as long as he is in her life, I will not be and I believe that hit home. After yesterday's legal matter (separation) we only have to have contact with one another if it has to deal with personal property, the house, the cars, etc.

So, my goal is to enter Plan B after all the other stuff concerning property is out of the way so that she can see that the OM in her life isn't worth not having me in her life. She's got some thinking to do and she is pretty messed up in the head right now. She begins counseling tomorrow and is going to see a Dr on Monday. She knows that what she did was wrong and she does not intend on doing it again. It just seems/feels like she doesn't want to let go of the fantasy this dude offered her over a couple of drinks a couple of times. Plan B is going to be extremely hard on me. I already miss her and she just wants me to leave her alone for a while so she can get HER life in order. But the separation agreement is only going to make things worse for her, but I don't think she realizes that quite yet. Once all of the things I used to take care of for the both of us, she has to take care of for herself, she'll begin to appreciate the things I did a lot more.

She's going to come back to the house tonight so we can discuss the car situation, her getting her own health and car insurance, and all the houseware items that she wants. REALITY is going to hit her hard and it will start in the wallet and hopefully work its way to her brain. We shall have to wait and see. The holidays coming up will be pure hell for both of us. Her immediate family is very aware of the situation. Her extended family will be wondering where I am and she's going to be held accountable to explain what she did to them. Funny, I ALMOST pitty her for what she's going to have to go through with her family. Almost.

Based on the rules of the separation agreement, we can reconcile at any time. But if 6 months go by, and it doesn't seem like anything is going to happen, I can file for a divorce and I will. I'm not going to waste my life away waiting for my WIFE to decide if she wants to be with me or not. I'll give her some time to get her life and priorities in check, but if it looks like there is no improvement/hope that she wants to reconcile, then I just have to move on with my life. I have to get busy, create a new rutine, and make myself a better man so that the next woman in my life (hopefully my wife reformed, but if not her, then...) will have a better, stronger man.

Then the affair is active. Good luck doing it your way, everything.

Please stick to one thread ok?

Enter Plan B

Pack her things and tell her to leave

Have you exposed the affair?

You haven�t been following the advice we�ve been giving you. We�ve seen your story before. You�re not different or special. It�s standard wayward behavior. You allowed yourself to be gaslighted and are now acting surprised that this is a physical affair. We�ve told you that this was a physical affair.

Now, are you willing to follow our advice?

Start by exposing this affair to the OM�s live in girlfriend.

Expose to all.

Now you should also cut her off financially and get a lawyer to prepare for the worst case scenario.

It�s time to take action.

Please fight for your marriage, if you haven't exposed this I mean telling EVERYONE

Your wifes family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc

and

The OM's family, friends, co-worders, neighbors etc

Then you did not expose.

Once you expose then you will see the fantasy dieing but until then you are enabling her to sleep with this man.

So fight for your marriage and expose this to everyone.

@everything -

Expose again to everyone.

You must expose this at work. They are coworkers.

Do not listen to anythings she says. It will be WS speak. She will be `entitled` to say or do anything to get you to stop what your doing.


She could be saying this to put you off the scent of her A. She might try to go underground.

On second thought, I just re-read your thread.

Why stay married to this woman when you have no kids? You�re 26. Kick her to the curb, let her flounder through life, and don�t date for a few years.

In other words, Plan B in preparation for D.

Unless she comes to you tonight begging for forgiveness, kick her out and file for D. You have no kids with her. Why introduce children into this disaster? Would you have children with someone like this? You�ll simply setup a situation where you�re home taking care of the kids while she�s out with a new OM a few years down the road.

Don�t put yourself through that. You�re young enough and there are tons of good women out there. She�s replaceable. You don�t have kids. Throw her out and count your blessings that you discovered this now.

If you do wish to save this, then follow the other advice given. But even Dr. H acknowledges that going to Plan B with no kids in the picture leaves very little incentive for a wayward to return to a marriage.

I know I wasn't following the advice, but I wasn't ready to say stop or we're done. No back-bone. I'm now at that point and will file tomorrow if she doesn't agree to NC and that will include getting a new job since they work together.

The OM's live in girlfriend and I met yesterday and confronted my wife. She confessed everything and I made her call her sister and her parents and tell them. I've told all our friends, some are her co-workers.

We got a legal separation on Nov 2 and she has since been cut off financially and I have a lawyer on stand-by.

What next? Last night I think the fantasy died for her and she realizes how many people she's been hurting. What do I do next?

@everything -

Tonight do not talk about the relationship and the affair. The reason is that whatever she says will be wayward babble. This will be big time Love Buster on you. You cannot fix this with a few words and promises. There is no silver bullet. No snapping fingers and poof, everything is better.

Plan A. To effectively Plan A and to be able to verify NC she must be in the same home as you. This must be a priority. Get her back in the home with you. This will give you lots of time to meet her ENs and establish NC.

If she is not in the home you will have a hard time verifying NC.

Forgiveness can only happen in Recovery and your WW becomes a FWW. While your WW is is wayward you will only hear wayward babble.

IMHO, Do not talk about relationship or the affair tonight.

That's where I'm at right now. If she doesn't come back and beg for forgiveness, I'm filing for D tomorrow. I wasn't at that point in October. I was in shock still. I'm prepared to kick her to the curb, but I'm not totally sure I'm prepared to take her back right now either. The cut is still fresh and I've been extremely angry. That's not my personality to be this angry all the time.

If she does come back and beg, how should I handle it?

What do you do next?

Re-read my post. Why stay married to this woman when you have no kids? What is the point? Want to go through this again with a 2 year old? Want to deal with this once more in 10 years when you have 2 or 3 little ones running around?

Trust me on this: it royally sucks to go through that.

You are lucky to live in a state that still takes adultery into consideration in a D. Use it. Nail her to the wall with it. Bring in OM and OM�s girlfriend to testify about her adultery. Use that to get the best divorce agreement you can, keep your house, and have HER pay you alimony.

Then move on with your life and don�t date women like her. Find someone with morals and introduce MB principles into your future relationships.

I'm with "helpthelostdads" here. No children, and you are young and likely not M'd very long. Plan B and then D is the best approach in this situation.

Your WS has already shown you what she is capable of, and the next time it happens, not only will she be better at hiding it from you, it will likely be a LOT more difficult for you to walk away (kids, shared property, years invested in M, etc.).