I am new to this forum, but I need help immediately.<BR>I found out my husband of 6 yrs is having an affair. I want to work things out and he keeps saying that I am losing my self respect. That I can't ever respect him. He keeps giving me excuses to not try to make it work, but none of them are good ones. I need help trying to get him to understand that I am willing to try for salvage my marriage at any cost. We have a 5yr old daughter who worships him and this is hurting her so badly. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.<BR>Thanks

God what emotions arise when this is discovered. I am not one for advice at this point, but read.<BR>Read Steve Harley's books<BR>Read James Dobson - Love Must Be Tough<BR>It will give you a new insight to respecting yourself w/o neglecting your H.<BR>There is lists of Steve Harley's books on this site. Read through his Q&A.<BR>I hope it works for you!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

mitme, first take a three or four deep <BR>breaths and calm down--you should read<BR>all you can on this forum and read many<BR>of the posts here...this is a great support group and you will learn much here about the infidelity of which you and your<BR>husband are a part of...is he still with<BR>the other woman...it sounds like he is and also sounds like he is in denial...<BR>denial of a lot of things that have to<BR>do with him and both of you that is problems in the marriage etc...is he willing to try to work things out, does he want or is he willing to seek help...<BR>there are many questions but you have come to the right place for answers and learning...if he does not want to participate you must do all you can for yourself until he is...there are many good books that people have posted on the site...i haven't read harley's...my therapist reccommended Infidelity a Survival Guide by Don David Lustreman...if you can't find it on the net post me back and i'll find the 800# i'm not sure it's in stores...it was the first real eye-opener for me also a husband who betrayed--anyway read read read and post here to vent anger if you need, you will make it through...get counselling joint if h is willing the sooner the better and seek support from those who you are close to and trust...<BR>you are in a confused state right now and don't know which way to turn...this<BR>is a crises and presents both a danger and opportunity for you and your h...try not to make immediate decisions until things settle a bit and you are thinking a little more clearly...keep us up to date on what's happening...much peace and love...trying hard<BR>

I will be praying for you.<P>Read this whole site on infidelity and not just the forums. Get the book Surviving an Affair. <P>It will take much work, patience (yikes, easier to say than do) and love to get through this.<P>Get close to God as he is going to be your main force for strength.<P>Don't love bust and be charming and disarming. Hard to do but possible.<P>The fact that you want it to work is half the battle. Now apply the principals and hold tight for the roller coaster ride to come.<P>Take heart though as you have come to a wonderfully helpful place and many people are here to lift you up, pray for you, encourage you, and to guide you. <P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>