Couple of questions:
When did you discover the extent of his infidelity? Did he just dump all 16 women on you at one time, or did they come out separately over stretches of time?
Can you tell us what he has done in the past nine months that makes you think he's making progress?
I'm going to take a quote of yours and tweak it a bit (I'll be in
red.) Can you see the point of my changes?
As for my own affair, it started as a result of him giving me zero emotional connection because he was giving it to the other woman my decision to give another man my attention and affection.
Your WH owns his affairs. You own yours. No one made either one of you commit adultery. Can you see where your sentence makes your WH own YOUR affair, and where my changes returns the responsibility for your affair to its rightful owner?
I appreciate that you later agree that having an affair wasn't the right thing to do, but you need to remove any thought in your head that you had an affair "as a result" of anything your WH may or may not have done. You could have divorced him as a result of his affairs and been free to date, right? Yet you
chose to have an affair. YOU own that decision.
I can see where you would be having a hard time with intimacy. The two of you need to fall in love. Right now I think there is a lot of anger and resentment that both of you are feeling. That makes it hard to want to be intimate.
Have you started reading the articles on this site? Look at the article regarding the most important emotional needs. Print off the questionnaires and work on them. Let us know what you discover.
