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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 78
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OP
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 78 |
I don't remember this being discussed. What does your WS say or do to let you know they "get it."
For me the first one:
I could see by her words and actions that she understood how much she hurt me by her actions.
Others?
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 550
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 550 |
I haven't had any experience with the WS who hasn't got it at the first place, mine was very apologetic and remorseful from the very beginning, and I was wayward spouse, too, much bigger to tell you the truth and it was more like my problem then to not "get it". But since you asked I know my H gets it from his sincere apologies without "buts" from time to time and his everyday truthfulness to me and our marriage and kids through MB principles. If you are capable of humility, then it is much-much easier.
Me, FWW: 43
Mr_Recon6mo, FWH: 44
DD20 and DS23
3 cats
Married 23 years, together 24
Divorcing
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
sincere apologies without "buts" When the "buts" disappear, sincerity begins. So long as there is a "but" there is a perceived justification invalidating the apology.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284 |
Hi RC,
From my experience here, it is when the WS can start to put themselves in your position and see things from your point of view. I do like the apologies with no "But's" as well.
I also think it is when they view the world from a "we" point of view rather than an "I" point of view.
Upon further review, I also think it is when peoples actions start to line up with their words, and the words reflect what has already been mentioned.
And finally, I have seen it where the WS gradually becomes more and more overcome with remorse. That usually indicates that they are getting it. Now this state is not a good one because it can harm the marriage, but it is a transiate (sp) state that indicates that they are starting to see things from more than one point of view.
Just thoughts hope they help.
JL
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