OK for starters Me and my wife have been married 9 yrs. We have 4 kids. 2kids she had before us but there dad left so i took over as there father gladly. The last year we had trouble in our marriage. Mainly arguing. She told me twice she didnt love me no more. Well she moved out and said we wouldnt see other people unless we told each other. We had a couple of fights cause i found emails of her and another guy talking. I said a lot of hurtful things cause i was upset. She told me they werent what they seemed. I believed her. Since that she started throwing parties at her house and had a 18 yr old drinking there. we got in huge fight again cause i had the kids while she is throwing these parties. And the 18 yr old posted on facebook that he used my kids blanket and pillowto sleep on. he was drunk. Then i find out from my kids that she is seeing a 21 yr old kid. she is 28. Well like a lot of guys who have been lied to i went down there and tried to pcik a fight with the guy and said more hurtful things. im not a violent guy. But I was hurt. since then she is seeing this guy still. Iand having parties. ii have the kids more than her. But i want her back and im tryng to be nice when she calls to open communication back up is ther anything else i can do. since she left ive dropped 41 pounds getting into nursing school and being a good dad. But my life seems incomplete without her.

Sorry you are here and welcome to Marriage Builders.

Have you read all of the info on this site? Here is a link to a thread that helps guide you through the info. Click on all of the links and ask any questions you may have.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

Who pays her bills? Does she pay you CS? Does she ever have the children? How are you enabling her affair to continue?

She pays her own bills she is a l.p.n. No child support. She has kids 3 days a week but when she does her mom keeps them at night to go out with this 21 yrold kid. I dont want affair to continue. She said she left me so she is in the right. She only moved out less than 2 months ago. She is acting like her single 28 yr old friend who is also seeing a 21 yr old kid.

She is having an AFFAIR if she is still married to you. It doesn't matter if she moved out of the house first. Do you know for CERTAIN that this affair didn't happen BEFORE she left because I am betting that it did.

Who knows about this affair? Have you exposed this to anyone?

How did your WW meet her OM?

Im not positive if it did while we were together. I found emails 3 days after she left her talking to him. Everyone knows about it i posted it on facebook. Problem is she has bad influences in her life. Her mom did this to her dad. Her friend has never been married. She says the kids mean everything to her. But she wont stay with me for them. Since i went to fight her OM. She says she is scared of me. 9 yrs i never laid a finger on her. She is holding on to all the things I said while i was hurt.

You need to get yourself a VAR and keep it on you at all times.

There must still be some people you could expose to on her side. You should also expose on your side and more importantly, on OMs side. I know that I would NOT be happy if my sons were having an affair with a married woman and ruining a family. Get the info and expose.

You need to expose properly, where you ask for help in ending the affair.

Have you read that thread that I linked? What are your answers to those questions? How old are your children?

IM 28 and my wayward wife is 28.
I have 4 kids
10 boy
9 girl
6 girl
2 girl
8yrs of marriage. And yes both are first
Ap is 21 she met him through a friend at work
Affair is still ongoing
found out about it from rumors and kids.

Not sure how to ask people to me end her affair i think Noone will help me.

You never know where that help may come from. Until you start exposing you won't know who would be on your side.

Have you told the children yet? All of the children, except the 2 year old, should be told in an age appropriate way.

They need to know that what their mother is doing is WRONG.

They need to know that you do NOT date someone while you are still married to someone else.

Exposure is the first step to helping end the affair.

You said that your MIL did this to your FIL. Why don;t you contact your FIL and tell him what is going on. He might be someone who would help you. You need to do this.

Don't go about it in a vindictive way or trickle expose. You will want to do this calmly and all in the same day.

FIL passed away. Yea kids know about it. But her influences are convincing her that she is doing right thing. Her mom dont like me much after we got in a dispute. We got in 2 disputes in 9 yrs. Not bad for a MIL. She is a boss at her work so all her friends there are scared of her. She went from the best mom in the world to this person i dont know. She shows signs of her old self when her friends arent around. She is still good at heart. But I think she might be going through a Mid life Crisis

It's NOT a MLC. It is AN AFFAIR. Your wife is WAYWARD. Plain and simple.

So, does your wife pay you child support? Did you adopt her children? Do you work?

I work right now. We work at same place which i exposed them to the affair. But we got in a arguement at work cause her OM is posting pics of them hugging on facebook. And saying they are dating so i got mad when she went to talk to me that day. And said hurtful things. So I quit my job to save hers like an idiot. I didnt know bout plan A or B till yesterday. So ive been trying to Steer out realtionship in A good way before plan b

fishking,

Keep all of the Facebook posting for future use. Your W is drinking partying with kids and that is not a good sign for you or your marriage. I would document it all, get a new job, and take good care of the kids. I would also see a lawyer to make sure you KNOW the laws in your state.

You need to protect yourself and your kids. You don't want them living in the environment that she is creating there.

Gather information, legal, and of the affair. Gather information of the partying. And then read the articles on this site, they will help you greatly.

God Bless,

JL

So, you don;t work right now? Or you work some place else?

im Going to collect unemplaoyment while ill go to nursing school Its a 9 month course. We have been nice to each other on the phone for 3 days how long do you stay in plan A.

Have you read any of the links?

I can't do the work for you.

Recovery is HARD and takes A LOT. If you aren't even going to do basic things like reading the links, then what does it say about the chances you will have at recovery?

I know that you want a quick fix. There ISN'T one.

Read the links.

You will continue Plan A for about 6 months, or until your LB just can't take any more hits.

thanks Ive read all the concepts of love. And the Unfaithful wife links im reading as much as i can i got the kids yesterday and today. Im gonna keep trying thank you for talking to me. Its been 2 months im just crushed still