As you all know my husband's affair happened a year ago, It was with a woman he worked with, she has left the job and we are trying to work things out.....
well a year later, very close to D-Day anniversary......and she has started to call and text him again.......
Last night I got upset that she was still doing this.......why is this happening now, my husband says she gets drunk and wants to talk to him, the texts all have to do with the first time they had sex, the first time they kissed and so on......
He didn't respond to any of them but when does all this stop.....
I'm very upset today, it's a difficult thing to deal with especially so close to D-Day anniversary coming up.......
I have spoken to her myself and ask her if she would leave us alone, nothing seems to stop her, she was dating someone else, but maybe she isn't anymore and trying to reconnect with my husband......
Just when I thought things were getting back to normal......
I have access to all his communication, email accounts, facebook, phone and he is not contacting her.
Does this never end..............for the first time in a long time my stomach feels like it did in the beginning.......
Guess I just needed to vent........thanks for listening. Should we send another NO CONTACT LETTER again?

HE needs to send one.

He needs to take the precautions that will prevent her from coming around.

I am sorry about this trigger. It would really, really su(k!

Nope. Don't contact her. CHANGE HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER.

How is it she still has his number? Did she get a hold of it again?

How about he gets his cell number changed?

He did change his ## I guess he should do it again........It's a small town everyone knows everyone, it probably wasn't hard for her to know what it is......
I just wish she would leave us alone, this is hard enough......a year later, I feel like I'm in the movie Ground Hog Day........This is a good reasons why people just shouldn't drink..............

You're back to square one. He's back to square one. She clearly never left square one.

On the short term, change all your #'s today. Some cell companies will even let you block certain #'s. Yes, she can figure that out and call from other phones, but every layer of protection can help.

Change any of your other info, such as email. If you're on FB at all, make sure both of you are set to super-secret-stealth mode where non-friends cannot see you or send messages.

Ultimately, you will want to move, and the sooner the better. You will not ever completely heal while there are so many chances for one or the other of you to bump into her with no warning. Trust me on that.

Since we moved, the OW never ever crosses my mind, with the sole exception of deliberately accessing memories to help someone on here. I cannot speak highly enough of moving, and the farther the better.

Did your H show you these messages on his own? With what information you gave, it sounds kinda like he was trying to make excuses for her.

If there is any way for OW to contact your husband, your EPs are not nearly strong enough. How you handle that is your concern, but clearly what the two of you are doing right now is not enough. It should be extremely difficult for her to see or speak to your husband.

So, it sounds like both a phone number and zip code change are in order.

Shouldn't be impossible. Start talking about it and lining up options.

It's about you two, and nobody else.

You guys are right, something has to change in order for her to be out of our lives totally.......he did show me each and every text and I was with him both times when she tried to call him......he did not answer the phone.......but showed me the call #......he is being upfront and not responding to her.....
It's just a tough situation.......can she just not DIE once and for all.......
I guess we should discuss relocating........
Why are some people so selfish........

Screw her, Jessi.

You aren't moving BECAUSE of her, you are moving FOR your marriage.

Capice?

Time for some new surroundings, new memories!

I'm totally impatient for the day our family moves. I'm excited to find new horizons!

How about a phone call to the police to see what constitutes harrassment/stalking in your area? Maybe a visit/phone call from the police will get her to stop?

In the meantime, stop reading the messages, ask your H not to read them either.

I am so sorry you are going through this

Oh, and I am remembering that you just posted recently about your H running into OW at a restaurant as well? I agree with the others about moving, unfortunatley, it is going to be crucial for your R....

Oh Jessi, I feel for you! You definitely need to change those numbers AGAIN!!

I hope you are able to move far, far away from this LOSER!!

Jess, sorry you are getting these triggers.

3 suggestions

change his phone # AND only hand it out to a select few who will specifically NOT give it to OW.

No contact letter from H saying if she calls/texts/emails him again it is grounds for harassment and then you can build a case against her.

Add a brochure from AA if her drinking is making her act out.

This will pass. Blessings.

If H has already sent letter, no more letters just from him.

A short letter, such as,

"Mrs. OWBH, if you continue your stalking and harassment, we will have no choice but to involve our attorney, and law enforcement as needed."

then you both sign it, and do not respond any further to any squawks or squeals.

Once he has sent his first NC letter, for him to keep sending further NC letters still feeds her desire for C. The only reason for sending a second NC letter is if there has been an actual false R.

I stand corrected. He nor you should contact her,

BUT he really needs to enforce precautions (it sounds way to much of a coincidence>sp? ) that protect YOU from any trigger.

What are the easiest things you can do to stop this harrassment?

Hi Jessi

Just wanted to pop in and show my support.

I still can't believe how brazen the OW can actually be, it never ceases to amaze me!!

I think a move would be a really good idea, even if she had stopped contacting your H it would still be nice to have a complete fresh start new house new town...

Although it is a lot of stress, in the long run I think you would find it really beneficial.

Harmony.

Can you block the number? That will help you, but OW may not realize she's been blocked. She needs to understand that she can't contact you or your H.

Consider a visit to an attorney and get his advice. He may be able to write a letter to her that will put enough of a scare into her so that she'll back off.

My husband is an attorney, he is changing his phone # but a lot of people know that # for business.........she is a piece of work...........I think we will compose a new No Contact letter to her again, this time talking a bit more about the contact issues and bringing up the harassment possibilities if she continues......
I love the suggestion about the AA brochure........
Hopefully she will just give up and move on with her life.......
We are going to look at the next city to us......30 minutes away, check out a few places, but selling this house might take some time......market and all........
I think he also thinks this might be the only answer............

If the phone is the main vehicle for her continued contact, there's an easy solution.

1. Change his phone number to one that only YOU and HE possess. This number is never to be given out to anybody.
2. Obtain a "Google Voice" number. It's free and easy.
3. Bind your Google Voice number to his cell phone number. Hubby should change his outgoing call procedure to call into Google Voice, then give GVoice the number he wants to call so that the ANI ("caller ID") and DNIS match up with one another as the Google Voice number. In fact, there's even an iPhone app to automate the dial-out for you.
4. Give out the Google Voice number freely to anybody who needs it.
5. If OW starts trying to call/text the Google Voice number, you can block her using the spam filters on GVoice!

My wife and I did this after her affair. Works great, and OM has absolutely no way to get through to her: his number is blocked on her Google Voice account, we changed her number to one he can't know that is only given to very close family, and she only gives out the GVoice account number. The only weak spot right now is outbound calling... she hates going through GVoice for it, so if she were to call OM he'd have her direct line. Luckily, that has not been a worry for quite some time.