A song has been running through my head over the last few days after watching you extend a vigorous 2x4 to a wayward wife who is struggling with earning the "F" in front of the WW. I saw the same kind of zeal with a woman who no longer wanted to recover her marriage.

Your remarks made me wince because I don't think you intended to be unkind.

I hope you will take this song that you've probably heard before since you're from the same area I live and this is a local artist. Click on the link that says "Gentle".

Michael Mclean

I love the passion you have for marriage recovery. Just remember that gentleness goes further sometimes than 2x4s.

Love ya!

TY Kayla

I honestly thought she wanted to save her marriage, when I realized she didn't it was too late. She has every right to, I just didn't know she already made the decision to end it.

And I would be soo mad at myself if I ever contacted the OM if I was in plan B, and was trying save my marriage even if I was going to save it for only a couple months, anything could happen in those months. I actually would NEEDED those 2X4's because those would be the posts that would help me NOT do it again, if I didn't get em then I would have thought I had made the right decision on contacting him, and I did not want her to think that. although the best thing she had done was admitting she did do that, and I know she does not feel good right now, I just hope she can come back and still get the support here on MB.

I know the song said be gentle with yourself, but sometimes we need a little kick in the butt and realize what we have done and to feel remorseful.

"we can always choose our actions, but we can never choose our consequences"

I love that quote because it is so true, my MIL told me this when I apologized to her.

Ty for your post it really does mean a lot.

I totally agree with Kayla and not just about that person's post.

Saph,

2x4's are ok...

Just wanted to know I actually appreciate well timed necessary 2x4 and if I ever come in nice after a well placed 2x4 it's NOT because I think such 2x4 was mean or bad.

Good cop...bad cop. Both necessary functions in getting people to understand this crap. Bad cop RIGHTLY rips the posters a new one for shocking and inappropriate behavior and the good cops reiterate it (but in a "nice" way) attempting to soften the appropriate message AND build the poster back up such that they STOP doing what they are doing AND continue to engage in a constructive relationship with the forum.

Without the bad cop (it's nice when we take turns :)) ...we are just coddling and enabling. When people do idiot things SOMEBODY has got to yell at them. No one will do that FOR THEM in their real lives...so HERE is the perfect place for it to happen. I'm rarely truly angered by anything here...though it may seem that way at times. It's a solid MB FORUM peer COACHING strategy.

Thank you,

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - Think of the nice guy in your community who also happens to be the football coach at the local high school. He aggressively yells at his players and maybe even threatens them (within reason) in an attempt to MOTIVATE them to perform better. That's our goal here....motivate posters to do better and be better spouses by whatever means necessary. We ARE a team of coaches trying to save marriages utilizing the Head Coaches (Dr. Harley) game plan. We are NOT trying to be counselors....why would we??? We tell people all the time on MB that PROFESSIONAL marriage counseling is a waste of time so consider how much worse peer marriage counseling would be.

TY