You are going to get thru this with or without the WS. But I do believe what MB says about an ema timeline, although by the time the ema is usually over, there could be some other issues at hand which could either bring about a reconciliation or not.

Many times it will end and the WS will wake up. In my case, the ow got pregnant before our D was final and the day after it was final, he married her due to pressure from her (money and yet another lawsuit)and her family. Sadly, at the almost two year mark of our divorce, he actually (ewwww...yuck...pffffft)tried to one time, call me and ask me out for a date, saying his "relationship" (he called it that but he was already in the affairage marriage for 2 years almost) was over. I told him that I was glad he was sorry for what he did, but that I didn't date married men. Lmao!

Imho, usually they do try to come back, and hopefully it's far before the 2 year mark. But..then again my x was one of MB's worst baddies ever.

Just hang tough and love your babies! We love you and so does God. Use time in plan B to work on you...and one thing I did for myself then, when money was really tight, was somehow splurge and have a nightly bubble bath. That made all right with the world no matter what my crazy WS was doing!

Thank you Peachy, I needed that encouragement. It is so hard out here.

I try not to think about the fact that all of my needs I have as a wife are not being met and most likely will never be met, atleast, not by my WH. It is really hard for me to stay the course when I feel that my life is over. I know that it's not, but at times I wonder if I'll ever be able to have another baby and if my children will ever have a father. I mean if my own H doesn't want me, well, who would? Ya know, if I end up divorced... what man would want to help me raise kids that aren't his? I do'nt see many out there that are worth anything. I have a feeling that there will be no reconciliation. I doubt that he will ever wake up. I don't think his pride can break. He is too arrogant and the fact that he hasnt tried to contact his kids in over a month just shows that he only loves himself. I suppose he is too busy having sex with vampira. Oh I can't wait til it all crumbles. I can't wait til his life is a nightmare.

Tinkerbell,

When I met my husband, my sister's four girls were running around the house.

He met me through my brother, who told him "I have a sister you need to meet". My bro had only spoken of one sister before - the one with FOUR KIDS.

When my husband first laid eyes on me, he fell in love. I also fell in love with him at first sight.

About five hours after we first met, he asked me to marry him. I said yes.

The next thing he said was, "I don't know much about kids. You will have to teach me."

He thought those four girls were MINE......


He was willing to take me, with four kids, and he had never had one minute of experience around a child.



There are men who are willing.


God loves you and has a plan for you.



God gives you what you need to work the plans He has for you. In your case, he gave you your children as part of HIS PLANS FOR YOU.

It is entirely possible that those children are part of His plan for another man's life as well. Never rule out any possibility.


SB

@TB181 -

How is school doing? I believe you mentioned you were going to school. You know that your life may feel like it is all about the WS and (^,..,^) (This is vampira with horns), but it really isn't.

Keep it up!

Thanks SB! It's hard to understand what God is doing,but i have to trust Him. It's faith, I need more of it!

HAHA! I like the horns. lol. School is going great. I'm almost finished with my CNA and I'm taking the other classes I need to get into the nursing program. I"m doing really well, thank you for asking!! And another up note is that I haven't thought about WH much at all lately! I'm feelin GOOD for once.

Got my car back. WH has been calling. I talked to him a couple times about the children for the most part. He also texted me some fog babble about how he loves me no matter what happens. I'm really avoiding contact with him. I do not answer when he tries to call. I never had a mediator because nobody wants to do it. I just figured I would put the kids on the phone with him immediately lwhen he'd call and I just wouldn't talk to him. But I caved in. I just can't deal with this anymore. I feel I've been cheated of everything that I need in a M. And I really don't know what to do if I get D because I am a Christian and there is no clear teaching of whether I can remarry or not. I take this seriously, I've made many mistakes in the past and I do not want to go down that road again. I feel that it is totally unfair if I am destined to be alone forever at the hands of my WH who abandoned me and my children. I just cannot get over the selfishness of him. It is so disgusting. I just am losing hope for anything to get better. I see myself alone and old.

Tink,

If you would go to Plan B and stop meeting any of his emotional needs, you might just be surprised at his reaction.

You are in limbo with him because you have chosen to be that way. You moved away - that was good. You refused to accept his affair - also good.

You exposed the affair - also good.


But the thing that keeps him having his cake and eating it too


is YOU.

Because when he calls, you answer. And you talk to him, which feeds YOUR needs, and HIS needs.

He is going along blithely saying to other people, "Well, my wife has accepted this, we are FRIENDS, she still talks to me, and she is ALLOWING ME TO 'FIND MYSELF'. My wife will be there when I am done screwing around, because she has waited this long, and is still being so nice about this whole thing. See, she still talks like friends on the phone and everything."


Stop. Being. His. Friend.


You need to go completely dark, and hit him right between the eyes with what a divorce will be like. Because he is NOT your friend, and the next step he will expect????????

VISITATION with YOUR KIDS and VAMPIRA.

COUNT ON THIS, TINKERBELL. COUNT ON IT.

Because, after all, that is the message he is reading right now.

Change that message, or lose the marriage.


SB

Super YAY!!!!!! on getting that car back!

Schoolbus is right about you needing to go to B to have more strength and direction in the future.

I bet someone here would be a long distant but perfectly useful intermediary for you. (not me.....I got too many skillets in my fire right now....)

Omigosh, Tink, what are you doing??? You are giving him his fix and thwarting your Plan B efforts! Args! You know better than this!

Now, are you going to do a real Plan B or continue w/Plan C??? Please let us know...

ARRRRRGHHH!!!! I am so stupid!!! SB-I cannot stand the thought of him wanting visitation with the kids while bringing vampira along. NO. OVER MY DEAD BODY. I am going DARK today. Maybe I can talk my brother into being the intermediary. I cant continue this. I was weak and wanted to talk to him because I just miss who he was before and I have no one. He has everything he wants.

I also found in the car an eviction notice. He will most likely be losing the apt. unless vampira shells out some money for him to pay back rent from april thru this month. hahahaha. what a moron. He also has a bank account. I found a receipt showing he had $1600 in September. Hmmm...I saw none of that money. And cs still hasn't gotten to my paperwork. And he had a book in the front seat that is entitled "Illusions. The adventures of a reluctant messiah". So much for him saying he still has faith in Christ and believes in the Bible. He is reading some new age crap that talks about how you can change your mind about anything you want. You can change your mind about your past and your future. You don't have to do what you don't want to do. You don't have to do anything other than what you WANT to do. This is what he lives by now. I am disgusted. I don't know why I am being so stupid and allowing myself to talk to him. I love who my husband was, or who I thought he was. I do not know this man that he is now.

Good on going back to DARK.

That's where you need to be. Ask the brother to be the IM. He will cover you well, because he loves you and will protect you from your WH's crappola.

The man who is inhabiting your husband's body is not the man you married. He is an alien, and you cannot get a fix of that man - because he is gone. There is hope for the return of that man, but only if you completely cut off the alien!

The eviction is a result of his not paying rent - and the money in the bank is strange, because he could have paid it. The problem is HIS, not yours. He is messing up his life, and when you are dark the natural thing is to wonder what he's up to. However, for your own protection, don't try to find out, don't go hunting it down, and don't go checking up on him.

Let. Him. Fail.


It is the only hope for your marriage, actually. Because when he fails, his fantasy also fails. That is when the harsh reality of what he HAD shines its light right in his eyes, and he will come to understand what he has done.


His failure is your only option. So let him do it.


Sometimes that is the only way they hit bottom.


SB